So I went into work because Dan said that I could leave early. Well 7 rolls around and Sherry says that Dan only told her that I would talk to her about it and that he would never have said that I could just leave and it really seemed like she didn't want to let me go. I was livid. I would never have gone in if I didn't think I was getting off early. I would have had him call Sean or Margo for me. And all this after him giving a speech about how he wants what we want for ourselves and will do anything to help us get there and that if we are going to school he will do what he can blah blah blah. And any one else can call off for stupid reasons or be late or steal time and they don't care. We only had 148 arrivals and Toufik, Sherry, John and Katisha were working. Yes we were oversold but we were fine w/ it. So I was really pissed about that. I could have called off in the middle of the night like some people and not even had to talk to him. But I didn't.

And then Ross got home and is now telling Jamie a ton of stuff I apparently said about Jamie. Which I never remember saying anything bad about Jamie at all. Why would I? And this was after he was telling me I should go out w/ Jamie when I told him me and Keith were done.

And I am sick and can't sleep so I am going to eat breakfast and then write my damn paper.

Jamie 

Change of plans. I have to work until 7. That sucks but oh well. I will just head to borders after work and write my paper by hand and then come home and type it up.

Well I didn't have a hang-over, the only movie I watched was The Butterfly Effect again and they were out of rocky road at Walgreens. I got the strawberry cheese cake but it was gross. So gross I threw it away. I threw away haagan-dazs. That's sad. I hung out w/ Jamie all day.

Saturday we went to Dakota's in Schaumburg. It was really fun and everyone there was so nice. (except the bouncer at the end of the night who wouldn't let me pee even though the guy at the front door said I could, but whatever) Jamie was teaching me how to salsa. It was a good time and I can't wait to take some classes w/ him. His friend Mark is hilarious and I absolutely loved hanging out w/ him. He's a sweetheart too and it seems like he would do anything for Jamie. This club is actually cool though cuz they have couches and booths and stuff to sit on and they have pizza and it's no where near as trashy as Bar Chicago. It was so sweet cuz Jamie stopped 3 times on the way home so I could pee and he didn't complain at all. (It was like a 45 minute ride) And on the way home we had one of those maudlin drunk talks. lol. We finally fell asleep around 730 in the morning. I got about 3 hours of sleep and then we hung out for awhile and made breakfast at about 3pm. We had steak and eggs in toast. I made the eggs in toast cuz I was in the mood for some, I don't know if he liked it or not. The steak was good though. Then we watched the movie and I went home. I slept 12 hours. Now I am going to start my paper and call off work becuase I don't think I am going to get both of these papers done in one day.

I think Ross gets back today! Yea!!

Is anyone else pissed that they are getting rid of stick shifts?!!!! By the time I get another car it's not gonna be any fun to drive!

I think I was seriously in the denial phase the past few days because inch by inch and day by day I am moving into depressed. I think tomorrow will be a day for hang-overs, haagan-dazs, chick flicks and magazines. I am going out w/ Jamie tonight and he isn't picking me up until 11:30! I am usually passed out by then, but that's ok, I need a change. At least for one night. After this date next week I am not going to date for so freakin long because I have absolutely no self-esteem and that is danagerous when dating. Obviously. Maybe me and Jamie could be bed buddies. But we all know that doesn't work. hmmmmmm

I am just really miserable right now. :-( but then again I have been for quite some time, and I really can't afford to go shopping every time I get a little sad. (Friday is the last time I go for awhile I swear, lol) I didn't go today, but there's nothing quite as nice as retail therapy. Except maybe real therapy....maybe.

Alright I have to get ready.

I keep forgetting to post about these really pretty flowers I got from a guest. I think I talked about the guest once before, she was soooo nice and sweet. She comes to the hotel all the time. She sent me, Katisha, and Sherrie little bouquets of flowers cuz she was so happy w/ her stay. Yea for us!

Ohmigod it happened again!!! A man on the brown line at 4 in the afternoon was spanking it!!!!!!!! I wanted to puke! I pushed the button and got the conductor to come back to the car. He left though. I really don't think she cared. lol. That is so gross and she didn't even do anything and he was right there. YUCK

I think I am going out to a club or something w/ Jamie. I haven't decided yet and I am getting tired but I want to go. We'll see

An Interesting Day

I have a blind date!? Apparently Mark has been talking me up to his friend and his friend said he wants to ask me out (I never met this guy..hence the blind part) So Mark, being the awesome friend that he is said no, that we need to meet first and so the three of us are just going to hang out sometime this next week. The only things that I know about this guy are

1. He has beautiful eyes and beautiful black hair
2. He's cute
3. He's very very nice
4. He's a wine samalia
5. He used to be the manager of Rhapsody
6. His last relationship was a yr ago and he wants to have fun (which means nothing serious, that's a good thing)
7. Mark's family loves him
8. Margo likes him and she is excited for me that I am going to date him and she thinks he is really cute and really nice too.
9. He wants to treat a girl nice
   
   

I am pretty nervous. Margo said that he likes to party, but she backpeddled when I said I didn't really like to. And I hate wine. lol. But oh well. As long as he's nice and fun to hang out w/ I am sure I am going to have fun. I am just going to go and try to make a new friend and nothing more.

Is it bad that I want to go on a date w/ Ross' roommate. I have a crush on him cuz he is such a sweetheart and I think he is cute and we have fun together. I don't know. Marisa says I would break his heart. I would have to agree. I hope Ross hurries and sets him up on this date soon so I can forget about going on a date w/ him. I really shouldn't be going on any dates but whatever. Which is why I haven't tried to go out w/ Jamie because I don't think it would be fair to him. But I still want to. lol. Actually I really don't want to go on a date period but I need to go and have some fun.

I wasn't going to mention to Paul that I know he has a girlfriend, because I just don't care enough to. But he was trying to "show me around my neighborhood" and so I asked him what his girlfriend would think of that. He said "YOUR neighborhood" I told him it wasn't going to happen. Now he wants to take me and Margo on the trains. He is lame, and gross.

Oh and John was laughing at me because of what Keith did! How wrong is that? The only reason he even knew was because he read an email over my shoulder. Nosey. Then again I shouldn't have been emailing at work anyway I guess.

The prostitute is still in the building. lol

Katisha, Janice and I are going shopping tomorrow (once I start I can't stop apparently)

Oh and I think I know why some girls (at least me) don't go for "nice guys." Although in my defense all the guys I have gone out w/ have been extremely nice and sweet and turn into jerks, but by that point I think that they are actually nice and the jerk part is a phase or something. I need to realize the nice part is a phase. But I digress, let me get back to the point. To me it seems that "nice guys" are always nice. Which is great, but there's one problem. Sometimes I want some animalistic, rip my clothes off throw me on the bed, and spank me kind of sex (ok most of the time). It's hard to imagine nice guys doing that. And in my (very limited) experience the nice guys that I have had sex w/ besides Keith (well you know what I mean) have been submissive in bed. That just does not do it for me. I like to be dominate once in awhile but not all the time. Plus I like a guy who's not afraid to take charge and be "the man" lol. I am a loser. lol But anyway I was just thinking about that the other day because I need to find a nice guy who will be dominate in bed. See I am so picky. lol. No there's more to the list than that. Ok I am tired and I have to get up at 5 in the morning tomorrow. Blah

Ya know what doesn't make sense? They had thanksgiving dinner here on Monday and they are not having it here today. And the people working on Monday are not working today. So those people got thanksgiving dinner twice and we don't get it at all. That is a bunch of crap. Then my grandma calls and tells me everything she is making, Marisa calls and tells me what she is making. It's like people, don't you understand, that's not nice. Rub it in just a bit more. And we don't get a discount for room service and they are the only place open that we can get food from. That sucks.

I keep remembering stuff I want to write about that's interesting but then by the time I get to write I forget what it was so then I just talk about the same stuff.

I want to leave early so bad, but I know I really really shouldn't. My back hurts.

Prostitutes, Prostitutes Prostitutes

Today started out so slow but I ended up staying 45 minutes late because we got really busy and everyone was coming to me. But oh well it makes up for the time I missed already. I feel better about the whole "situation" already. I don't know if I am in denial or just accepting it but I'm just like whatever. It was my choice to wait 2 months and it was my choice to have him come over and it was my choice to sleep w/ him. Yes he didn't have to leave or he could have said something before hand but I contributed to it all too.

I got a lecture from the security guard tonight. That was bad. It's also shitty weather outside and everyone was so rude and grumpy today. I didn't feel like dealing w/ anyone because I was so worn out. *hypochondriach alert* I think I have adrenal fatigue. lol. I am so insane. anyway..... to get to the title of the post

When I got to work today I was really fuzzy and just didn't know what the fuck was going on. Well this young, attractive black woman and an old white guy came up to the desk bitching about stuff that had been going on since yesterday (and other guests agents were dealing w/ it) so I was lost. But I tried to help them anyway w/o getting Dan involved. They just wouldn't have it. So I get Dan out there and he takes care of it. A few hours later they come back and are talking to me and she calls him Daddy. I was like ok, it could happen. I started talking to Janice (one of the PBX phone operators) and she was telling me that this woman kept calling for them saying the girls name and that she was staying w/ her friend and I remembered that the man was highly upset that the room had his name on it. Now when I saw the woman she was dressed conservatively in all black and a turtle-neck sweater and her hair was fixed. Apparently when they came in she was in thigh-high boots and a few other things and Rachel ran in the back and was saying "there's a prostitute at the desk" I don't know for sure, but I do know there are alot of guys who come in w/ prostitutes so I wouldn't doubt it. Now I don't care what they do but it does make for an interesting evening. You would not believe the shady business going on at hotels. We are not allowed to give out room numbers or keys to anyone if their name is not on the reservation even if it's the wife or husband because the person w/ the reservation might be there w/ their girlfriends or boyfriends. lol. I shit you not those are the exact words that were used to explain the rule to me. lol. I understand the rule, but when that's the main reason you need a rule it just makes me shake my head. People are shady.

So I canceled on Kenny because Keith could only come down tonight. Then me and Keith had sex and he left. I feel like the cheapest, dirtiest, slut. I feel so violated because I trusted that he wouldn't do something like that. I knew he didn't want a relationship. I knew if we had sex it would just be sex and as soon as he put his shirt on I knew he was leaving. He didn't touch me or anything after we had sex, he just rolled off and laid there. He said that it wasn't me it was him and that all the time we spent apart is why he doesn't want to be w/ me any more and because he is so fucked up in the head. It was his fault we spent so much time apart. I hate him so much right now. I hate that he could just leave. How are guys like that? They sit there and look right at someone crying and they just can't wait to leave as fast as they can. Yeah I cried. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to jump back in anything w/ him either. I didn't want to be in a relationship w/ someone who can just put me on the shelf. He said that he didn't mean to sleep w/ me and all that. but obviously he knew he was going to tell me that before he came. He had to have. He could have stopped at any time and said that he couldn't. Why the hell did he even come down? Just to turn the knife a little more? I mean why even bother. I feel like shit and I have to start the whole damn thing over again. He said he was gonna call me tomorrow, we'll see about that. I told him when I work and that I can't use the cell phone at work before he came down, and he knows my work number. We'll see. I should have listen to everybody. lol.

I just had the best nap ever. I am making some porkchops before I go to school cuz I am damn hungry. Keith imed me today. He started saying how he would try to come down sometime this week. I accidentally gave him an ultimatum. I told him that if he didn't come over tomorrow night not to bother calling me. I told him this because I just can't handle the "up" of getting excited at the thought of him coming down and then being heartbroken when he calls at the last minute. Not to mention I have to go through the depression and anger of a break up every time, and then when I finally reach acceptance he calls to say he wants to come down. I wasn't trying to bluff or to force him to come down. I just wanted a definite date and I wanted him to follow through, but more importantly I just wanted him to understand that I can't keep it up and that if we did talk I would be very angry and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from being mad at him and showing it if he didn't come down and neither of us wants that. I didn't think he would actually come down. Well he im's me and asks if I can cancel w/ Kenny so he can come down tonight. (Now correct me if I am wrong..) I asked why all of a sudden he could come down tonight. He said he was pissed. I asked why, he said he didn't want to talk about it. This lead me to think that I was a back up plan or that he didn't really want to spend time w/ me or something. I mean I just wanted to know why all of a sudden. I asked him not to get pissed before I asked him if I was the back up plan but obviously that didn't work too well. We of course got into a fight because when don't we. So now I have no idea if he is coming or not and I am right back were I didn't want to be which was waiting around to see if he shows up or not.

So instead of watching t.v. I decided to call 411 and find Ross' roommate's number and I called to come flip through some of my weightwatchers books to find something but I can't find the books anywhere, so I end up hanging out w/ Jamie and I invite him to come out to eat w/ me but Michael's on North is not serving real food so we swing by the grocery store and pick up some food and he cooks me a steak (mmmmm it was soo good) and we stay up til 3 just hanging out and now I am sleeping in Ross' bed cuz I don't want to ride the train back. Your bed is comfy Ross. lol I also find out Ross is going to set up Jamie w/ someone from working. hmmm interesting.....

Well I went to the work thing but I left early. That kinda sucks. I wish I was still there. I left because John was coming home and I didn't want to ride the train by myself. The guy exposing himself kinda freaked me out, plus I didn't want to put myself in the position of Paul asking me to go home w/ him and Katisha didn't show up. But it's the first time in so long that I have been out, and I felt pretty so I wanted to stay and just have some fun. Now it's 9:30 and I am at home. I thought about going back but that's a long way to walk in stilleto's. I should have stayed. Damn.

I had some more to say but I am kinda down right now so I am just gonna watch t.v.

This is my new goal outfit.  

I had to stay at the hotel last night because Sherry didn't switch Margo's schedule w/ mine she just moved Margo to 7-3:30 too. Oh well the day went by so fast I didn't even take a break because we were just so busy and I worked w/ Katisha and Margo, how cool is that?!!! I wish I could work w/ them every day. I learned a few things today while I was there. Nothing about work though. lol. I learned Paul has a girlfriend and that Nolan is just looking to get laid. See guys need to learn that girls talk. ALOT. Losers. lol.

My room last night was awesome!! I had a 2 person jacuzi suite. I tried calling Keith to see if he went hunting cuz I was gonna invite him down. I took a jacuzi bath (in the tub that is literally as big, if not bigger than my kitchen) w/ my new boyfriend Mr. Bubbles. It was nice. Although I put too much bubble in and the jets agitated it and the bubbles almost overflowed, then I wrapped up in the animal print robe, and laid out on the couch and watched some t.v., then I went into the bedroom and laid in the king size bed (which I hate to tell you Ross but your bed is not kingsize. I thought it wasn't but I didn't want to say anything but now I know it's not) I need a kingsize bed. I don't care if it takes up my whole damn apartment (cuz it will). I laid the right way then I laid diagonally, then I laid horizontally across the bed, and then I just spread out. The only thing that sucked was that it was too firm. But everything else was awesome, then I got roomservice for breakfast, and the really sweet guy from room service delivered it. I had a good start to my day. Then work flew by. I had Mark make me an appointment to get my hair cut and eyebrows waxed!! Ohmigod I feel sooo much better now that I don't look like a shaggy dog. But the chick that does my eyebrows sucks, but that's ok, they look better than they did. Then I got a shirt for Monday (the other one's just weren't right) and I got this awesome dress on sale, I didn't think I would actually wear it cuz it is leopard print and I am not an animal print type of gal, however, it is gonna look soooo hot when I get toned!!! It is my new goal outfit. The first one I had was a pair of jeans Kyle bought me for my 19th birthday (they are too big now) and now it's this dress (pic below) It is extremely low cut, the v is not as bad as in the pic because the other part of the dress doesn't go up that high, and it goes right below my knees which is perfect. So w/ some stiletto's and a slight tan and a flat tummy I am gonna be a sex kitten. Did I forget to mention it is sooo skin tight that I won't even be able to wear a thong? Yeah, the guy I go out w/ in that dress is gonna be following me home like a little puppy. So I just have to work out and not eat fast food. I am gonna have soo much fun in that dress. (Oh and when I get ready to take pics for my new template I am gonna get a suite at the hotel cuz it just kicks ass all over the place, but I won't get my discount until January at the earliest. Maybe I will go to a sister hotel, cuz they are cool too. I will ask Ross which is better.)

I had so much fun at work, I wish everyday could be like that. It was so awesome!

Tomorrow is gonna be damn busy cuz we have everyone checking out. There were 4 sets of 30 people checking in at once, and then there was a set of 145 checking in at once and then at 530 200 people checked in at once and we still weren't sold out. Then on Monday I only have to work 3 or 4 hours and then I am going out, and I think me and Katisha are going out on Tuesday, but I am not sure, if not me and Kenny are hanging out, and then Wednesday-Saturday I work.

I was looking at the beachbody website because I do the power90 work out (cuz Tony's a hottie, and it's only 30 minutes 6 days a week) Well they have a new thing out called Yoga Booty Ballet that I want to try and they have Power90X which looks awesome, but really intense. I want that set too because there are specific areas to work on which is cool and then there's a plyometric tape. Plyometrics are intense but they are great for getting in shape for sports which is what I want. And they also have a few other tapes which look kick ass, but it's expensive. Did I forget to mention that I love infomertials, bad I know. Alright I have to run to the store to pick up stuff for breakfast and then I am gonna zone out in front of the t.v. before I pass out, cuz I have to get up at 5 so I can work out and then go to work.

My day so far has been pretty decent. Paul called me. I didn't answer, but the message he left was actually kinda sweet. So after I went and worked on my paper for about 3 hours I came home and returned the call. What was I thinking. I was pretty grossed out after I got off the phone. Luckily it was only for a few minutes.

I went to a new place to grab some lunch, it's called Aladins eatery or something like that. It was ok, but the people were so nice so I will probably go back.

I found some really good books at the bookstore. The main probably was that the books I needed for my paper were right next to the relationship books and the sex books. I grabbed a few stacks and settled in. After I went through the majority of books that I needed for my report (and ten pages of notes and all the feeling in my left hand) I started flipping through the dating books. I am gonna have to go back and pick up a few next week. I am still working on my paper, and watching TRL. I have some time in class to work on it, I am sure I will get at least half of it done, and then be all set to finish it. I actually feel like a student for the first time since my sophmore yr of highschool.

Speaking of adult movies Greg, a guy called down last night to the front desk and wanted his "3 digit code." I knew what he wanted but I wanted to ask just someone just to be sure, I didn't want to assume that's what he wanted the adult movies. Well I asked John and that is what he wanted (I really didn't need to know about that, lol) So I had to tell the guy that we don't have 3 digit codes, and he was kinda upset I think but he just said 'oh that's odd." Our owners are pretty straight-laced and don't want the hotels having it. Although I think Ross told me one of our sister hotels had the wedges, I might have to check that out. Ya know strictly for business though, to um have refrences to all the amenities and what not. lol.

Alright I am going to get my stuff together and head to the bookstore because that is where I am going to do my paper. Melissa let me change my topic but I don't know if I will have enough books for it. Either way I am still doing this topic because it's really too late to change to another one.

I worked w/ Sharonjoy last night, she cracks me up. If I ever draw nudes I think I would have to draw her because she is just such a beautiful person and she has beautiful skin. I also worked w/ John. When we were walking home he was actually goofing around a bit and making funny faces. I was surprised he normally seems serious and quiet and it was just a different side of him, it cracked me up too. Sharonjoy, Toufik, and I were making him mad because we were talking about the war and Bush and all that. All of a sudden John said "You guys have to quit talking your making me mad" It was kinda funny but I felt bad. I rib on him alot about his political choices but it doesn't really bother me. I don't want him to feel bad about his opinions or choices.
Anyway. I have to go because I have 10 pages to write and at least one book to finish reading. Damn I was going to say something else but I forgot.

Crap I seriously need to get laid. I am pretty upset right about now. lol. I am back to where I was about 2 months ago when me and Keith stopped hangin out, or the last time he said he was gonna come down and didn't. See I get my hopes up, and get all excited, and then boom, I go from not needing it to wanting to hump the legs of every person that walks by. lol. jk. Have you ever seen the movie, I believe it's Dead Man On Campus. And the guy goes around humping everything. That's me right now. lol. FUCK. I am hurting. That's just mean. It's like a cocktease. I am beginning to become resentful (yes I did say beginning. lol) I need more than sex though, I need some kisses too, that's sad. Alright I am really really bored at work! I am working w/ cool people though, I got Toufik, Sharonjoy, Margo and John. How cool is that? go me. Alright I am going to lunch

Ya know how I said I was too broke for some retail therapy? I changed my mind. lol. That's not a good thing. Marisa was in the city so we went to lunch, and then we went to Old Navy so I could get an outfit to wear out on Monday night. They are having a Front Office appreciation night. Well then I needed shoes. I really wanted a pair of black stilettos cuz I have always wanted a pair and could never find them. (You would think that that would be so easy) So Payless was closing their store on Randolph and State so I mosied on over there, but no black heels left. I did get a pretty cool hot pink pair of heels though for 8 bucks and I wore them last night and got a few compliments on them. But then I was going to get my hair cut cuz I look like a shaggy dog and I was going to walk to watertower place (the mall) I walked right past Parade, and they too were having a store closing sale!!! Not only did I get my black stilettos I got 2 pairs and I got a new pair of boots!!! :-D They are kinda loud, lol, but that's ok I love them anyway. It's funny cuz they are hotpink also and they are satin! I love them. Now I just need to go places to wear my new shoes! And I found 2 thrift stores and I bought some more awesome clothes! I would go into details cuz I am that excited but I will spare you.

Keith was supposed to come over last night but he didn't and then he was supposed to come online but he didn't. He is going hunting for ten days on Friday.

Yesterday I did not clean, I did not do my paper, I did not do anything but shop. And it felt goooood. It would have been better if I got my hair cut but that can wait until next week I guess. I did go to class. I don't know how I am going to finish my paper. I was going to work tomorrow and have a whole day of overtime, but since I didn't do any of my paper yesterday I have to do it on Thursday. I didn't even go grocery shopping yesterday, and I really needed to do that. Pay day is 2 days away!!! Alright I am just rambling now.

Talked to Keith for a bit today. He was saying that it's not me, it's him. He said I did all the little things for him but he just can't be in a relationship right now. It sucks cuz the little things are the most important thing to me and I don't understand how it's not enough. But oh well I guess we are just different like that. It also sucks cuz that's all I think about. I think about our first date and how he would say or do something. uugggg. I don't know. It made me kinda sad. I am nosey so I want to know what all the little things are but I can't ask right now. lol. I feel pretty lame. I got the it's not you it's me speach. He swore up and down that that's not how it was.

I got hit on again today. The guy was sweet though, but I still think he is just wanting to get some. so that's 4.

Although it is nice to be serenaded by "Beautiful, you're my favorite girl" by the housemen when I walk into work. lol.

I have a new fave donut and I have to admit it's by Dunkin Donuts. It's the chocolate glazed. It's so soft and yummy. mmmm. food. lol. I have discovered since I am too poor to do retail therapy I am have to do a little emotional eating and ya know it works. lol. Although I prefer retail therapy. I am going to call my doctor tomorrow and get an appointment for tuesday, a really long appointment. lol Deep breaths. Deeeeeppp Breaths. lol.

I need to find something to do that is relaxing and fun. I would say I need a hobby but I have too many. I need a passion. I need sex in the afternoon, jk, unless I can find someone to do it. (and of course, ya know, actually want to be w/ me too) I need some one to hang out w/.

Mark is working today, yea for me. No gross concierge to deal w/ today.

Ok don't have anything else to say right now

Ok I am in a better mood now. I am going to get over Keith, and move on. All the other crap is just that and it doesn't matter at all. The jerks will lose interest and eventually guys everywhere will go back to ignoring me completely and life will be good again. lol. Damn I just got used to getting up at 8 for work and now I am going to have to go in tomorrow and stay up until 1. That sucks. Oh well.

and now my friends are hiding stuff from me. I am just sick of trying so hard. All this shit happens over and over and I am so sick of dealing w/ the same stuff and going through the same shit but w/ different people or in a different fucking zip code. I don't lie to any one, I don't keep stuff from any of my friends, I try to be a good person and treat the people I care about good, I guess I just can't get it right. I was already feeling like shit before I found out about this new crap and now it's just like why bother. I know this probably sounds like trivial problems to alot of people, but this is so hard for me. my whole life i have just wanted people to care about me and whenever I think I have found some one or a few people, who I think care about me and who I care about so much, the same shit comes up. Maybe it is all in my fucking head but that just makes it worse because I don't know what the fuck to believe and what the fuck is just in my head. I don't know what's real. The only thing that I fucking feel is pain. I can't stop it. I can't just say ok this is nonsense and move on, because it always pops back up. I have tried. Maybe I am fucking paranoid too because when I find out someone has kept something from me or lied to me then it's like what the hell else are they hiding? Do they even really like me? Are they talking about me behind my back? I mean it all snowballs. And all of those questions are from shit that has happened along time ago. I just want someone who loves me unconditionally forever, and I never had any one to do that. The 2 people who were supposed to do that are dead and they didn't do it when they were alive. I really feel like there is never going to be any one to love me unconditionally and I am always going to be alone w/ no one to support me, like I missed my chance. there's no place I can get that except from myself but I don't know how. fuck maybe I should read some more of my book. lol. I need an appointment w/ my dr. I think I am going crazy.

Before I went to lunch today I was writing this: "Alright I think I might be on punked or something. lol. I had a houseman hit on me this morning and now Paul is sexually harassing me. lol. He used to be really mean to me and now all of a sudden since yesterday he is nice. and he always wants me to go in the conceirge closet w/ him and then he tries to give me massages, and I don't know he is really touchy feely all of a sudden. It's odd. I am in the twilight zone I think.

I had a guy earlier yell at me because I am naturally thin! lol. I think someone needs some carbs. He wanted a place to go to eat and he had a british accent and he talked really fast so all i heard was dunkin donuts and I said oh yeah there's a dunkin donuts across the street and he said "NO no dunkin donuts" so I told him about the restaurant across the street and he said "NO they only serve carbs that kill people !!" He started mumbling angrily and backing away from the desk. I called out to him "Wait I can help you find something" He yelled "you're lucky you are naturally thin" in a very snotty tone and walked away. lol. what an ass. Even when I was overweight I still wouldn't have yelled at someone who was skinny I don't know"



Then I went on my break and Paul asked me if I wanted to go to lunch w/ him. I said ok cuz I thought he was just playing around and stuff earlier, I mean everyone jokes around at work, well apparently he wasn't joking. He was trying to make-out w/ me at lunch. 3 times in 1 week I have guys trying to fuck me and not want to be in a relationship w/ me. I mean when did such disrespectful behavior become the norm? When did it become ok for guys to just try to make out w/ someone after they have only been nice to them for 1 day. I don't hear about other girls having this problem, at least not to this extent. Maybe something about me just screams whore. I never even talked to this guy before yesterday and it was still about work related stuff. John said I need a boyfriend. HA. I've been down that road and apparently I can't get any one to love me cuz I am a crazy freak but I can get plenty of people who want to fuck me. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it really does. I mean it makes me feel like I am only "pretty" skin deep and that I am not a good enough person. I feel like a relationship pariah. Damn Greg and your comment made me feel sooooo good earlier. *warm fuzzies* lol. All your hard work down the drain. lol. That's ok I will go back and reread it.

Yeah it's gonna be one of those days. I have already banged my elbows a few times, and I was up too early. Ugh, and considering I am still in the same crappy mood I have been in for a few weeks now I just don't see my day getting better. I have to work w/ John again tonight. I worked w/ him last night and everything was ok. We were busy so we could pretty much ignore each other although I still have to ask somebody questions.

I do not want to go to work. lol. I really don't at all. I just want to lay in bed and mope around and sleep. Seriously it is gonna take way too much effort to get me to work today. I think I am finally going good w/ my life and then shit happens and I am back where I started. I am at the point where I am just thinking "why the fuck do I have to be like this?" Why can't I be one of those happy people who have loving families and don't have to go through this. I am so sick of going through shit. I won't be able to be in a decent relationship until I fix whatever the hell is wrong w/ me. I am so pissed. I just want all the hard shit over w/.

More proof of how insane I am.

Keith tells me all the time that I think too much, and a few other people, not knowing Keith accused me of this, have said it to me recently. When Keith first started telling me this I picked up this book "Women Who Think Too Much" cuz I love to buy books. So I finally started reading it tonight and so far I have found out that I do in fact over think and this has been going on my whole life (I used to think my friends didn't like me because I didn't have a dad and they did). The major effects of overthinking include "making stresses seem bigger, and we are less likely to find good solutions to our problems." This is why I like my dr so much, he helps me find solutions to my problems and make a plan on how to fix them. Plus my anxiety attacks come from this "We are more likely to react to stresses in an intense and lasting way." another effect is that it "hurts our relationships--others may become annoyed, even abandon us, and we have trouble understanding what we need to do to improve our relationships" hmmm how many times have I ranted about people abadoning me?! and finally it "may even contribute to serious mental disorders, including depression, sever anxiety and alcohol abuse." Well I got 2 of the three. I thought my "overthinking" was my anxiety, or that my anxiety caused the overthinking, but in fact it is the other way around. Now for the seriously sick part.... I was just now laying in bed overthinking about overthinking. I want to cry. I feel like everything is all my fault and I am just this huge insane, crazy bitch that makes everyone else's life harder. I have always wondered what it was that made it so hard for people to love me. Maybe this is it. And it really makes me sad because I have spent the last 22 yrs doing this and driving people away. (I am on the 16th page of this book and I am already bawling. *insert eye roll here*) I've made it so hard for the people I care about the most to love me. Ok we all know I am a bit of a hypochondriac but seriously this could be the whole reason I feel the way I do and why I do the things I do and the whole answer for questions I have been asking since I can remember. That's pretty big. I mean if you knew how many times I cried because everyone leaves me or because I just couldn't understand what was wrong w/ me and what made it so hard to love me then you would know why I am crying on the 16th page of this book and why I am happy cuz maybe now I can do something about it but really sad because there really is something that makes it hard for people to love me.

I need to get laid. But it's not that simple. I need some romance. I need some romance and to get laid. Much easier said than done.

Ya know I know why I feel like my life sucks alot of the time. Because it does, lol. I don't get to hang out w/ any of the people that I love. Nobody lives by me, and I never get to see Marisa. I got a nice little surprise today cuz she was in the city and came by for lunch and it's like man why can't we do this every day?!!! I don't have anyone to hang out w/. Except at work. I need someone to hang out w/ on my days off and go shopping w/ and just hang out w/. :-( tear. lol. Oh well. I got to have lunch w/ Marisa and after class I get to have dinner and hang out w/ Kenny.

I am still really sore but I am gonna work out today. I have to. Cuz I need to get into really great shape. I just need to do it.

I am obsessed w/ Made. On MTV. I love that show. I want to be on that show. I just have to figure out what I want to be made into. lol. Actually I really want to be on What Not To Wear so if ya'll wanna nominate me for that show.......lol. That would be such a cool show to be on. I am gonna clean out my closet today. I have to.Get rid of all the crappy clothes that don't fit. (Which would be all of them!) I just really really need to go shopping. I am having withdrawls. I need boots and low cut jeans and sexy v neck shirts and lingerie and everything.

Ohmigod, someone does not want me to eat right. lol. First of all the last time I worked we were so busy I did not get to eat until 830 and because we were so busy and had to walk people and just had a bad night all around we got pizza (free Giordano's) plus I grabbed some candy bars from Mark cuz I was really hungry (yes that is plural on purpose, I had one before the pizza and then one after. well a few hours later not all right away) and then tonight we all get to go to our resaurtant which is one of the top 3 rated hotel restaurants in the city, go us. It's gonna be me, margo, sharonjoy (maybe), and mark, and possibly Ross and someone else. How fun is that going to be and it's gonna be free. You KNOW how I feel about free food. I am so excited!!!! And me and George and then me and Margo were talking about coldstone's so you know where I am going tomorrow.

I am gonna get the fillet of beef I think. mmmm beef

Right now I don't think me and Keith are talking any more. I don't know for sure, but last night we were fighting again and at the end he said it was up to me if I wanted to talk to him again. I emailed him this morning and I said if he couldn't handle the fact that I was mad at him and some days I might not be able to hold it in then we shouldn't talk. So I don't think we are talking cuz he didn't reply (which he never replies to my emails anyway). However last night he is just pretty much blaming it all on me and saying that nothing he does is good enough and everything else. There is so much blame in our relationship from both sides it's ridiculous. I don't know I am just sick of how messed up it has all gotten. I mean it's just sad and I am tired of fighting but I can't just get over how hurt I am and the fact that he just ignored me for 3 weeks, I mean who's to say he won't do it again. The fact that he is trying makes me happy but I am still sad that he doesn't want to be w/ me and it still hurts. It takes time to build trust back. He does not see my side of this at all. He says he has but he couldn't have if he thinks that something like this is ok. He thinks I don't care about what he is going through. Would I have waited 3 weeks if I wasn't trying to be understanding? If I didn't want to be w/ him? but like I have said before I am not going to be the only one doing all the work. but anyway, 8 minutes until we eat. I might post later

There is a serious pattern in my life:

• Travis (first guy I ever made out w/) just wanted to make out but not go out w/ me
• Kyle (ex-boyfriend of 6 yrs) told me the night we broke up that "at least we had good sex" ( he had good sex, I had crappy sex cuz he just laid there)
• Keith has said at least we have good sex and tonight he told me that he couldn't offer me what I wanted
• John said he wanted to sleep w/ me but since he has a girlfriend couldn't offer me a romantic relationship.
• Oh and Ross wouldn't turn me down.
• And we can't forget how Kenny said that he wouldn't even come to see me if sex wasn't involved and if he didn't have class in the city that would more than likely be true.

I am just fine to fuck and have a good time w/ but I am not good enough to be taken out on dates or be held or touched or treated like I am special or worth anything (except by Ross who treats me very nice). Keith would rather have me as a friend than loose me altogether, but the fact that I am not good enough to be w/ hurts right now, and the fact that it is apparently the general way guys think of me it hurts even more, especially since I am still so hurt about Keith. My confidence just nosedived. But that's ok, because it doesn't matter if that's how guys see me, I know I am cooler than that, and I might be damn good in bed, but I am damn fun to hang out w/ too and if a guy would put some effort into being w/ me instead of me relying on me being the only one then I would be a damn good girlfriend. And Kyle is just an ass because until that fucker started lying to me I was a damn good girlfriend. And then me and Keith fought because he doesn't understand why I am still mad. It probably has something to do w/ the fact that he hurt me so damn badly that it's going to take more than a few instant messages for me to get over it.

I don't think I got the whole punching thing out the way it was supposed to be. lol. We just played around, it was all in fun.

So yeah I am pretty sick of guys thinking that I am just gonna sleep w/ them and they don't have to give me anything in return. It's pretty depressing. It makes me feel like that is the only thing to offer. I have been told I look pretty innocent (and I definitely don't go around dressy like a hooker) so why do guys just think I am the type of girl they can proposition for one night only sex or no strings attached. Yeah I like sex but I like having someone to care about me too. Why do guys think I want to be the other woman?

I am so sore from working out. I could barely walk today. I still havent decided if I am going to work out or not. I took some ibprofen but it really hasn't helped w/ the soreness.

I am in a bad mood today and it just keeps getting worse.

I finally watched Passion of the Christ. I actually liked it. It was really intense and really graphic but I thought it was good.

Walked home w/ John again tonight. We barely get to walk home together. It makes the train ride so much shorter. He always asks such good questions, I got him tonight though. lol. cuz I was thinking up things to ask for the last week or so. lol. I was really glad I thought up some good questions for him to answer. I was telling him how me and Keith would punch each other in the arm or leg. He thought that was messed up I think. Oh well. Now I am kinda sad. I want someone to punch me. lol. God I have been seeing a psychologist how long? and I am still this fucked up. lol. Actually ya know what I liked best about it, I knew Keith wasn't punching me nearly as hard as he could, but it still felt very solid. I was impressed. I know I'm a freak. I really want to be held by a big, strong, solid guy. *sniff* Not that Keith held me that much, but once in awhile I got lucky. aww now I'm really sad. lol. dammit. Alright I have to sleep now.

I worked out today! Go me!! And of course after only one day I am feeling my foxy self again. lol. It's just feeling my muscles working and knowing that they are under there somewhere. lol. I also have not had a soda all day, but I did take a caffine pill this afternoon. oops, but I needed it. I slept 9 hours and I still felt exhausted. It really helped though. Damn I just went to get Antionette McDonald's and she offered to get me a milkshake and well you know how I am about free food. I got a small though. So not quite as bad. lol yeah right who am I kidding. lol. I wasn't going to get anything but i was still kinda hungry so ya know...

I have been talking to Keith the last few days. I don't know it's kinda confusing. Cuz I asked why he decided to im me, like if he was relieved that I was moving on or what ever and now there was no pressure but he said it was cuz he wanted to. Which is why I am confused. Why all of a sudden does he want to? I don't know. I don't pretend to know. Actually I throw my hands up in the air, make a disgusted noise in the back of my throat and walk away. lol jk, I am bored. wow tonight really went fast we had 199 arrivals when I came in at 3.

This milkshake is really good....actually it's better than yours. lol. I am in a goofy mood. I think it has to do w/ the caffine pill and the sugar from the milkshake. I am kinda sleepy now. I think I am starting to come down. lol. Just kidding. Not really though cuz I am crashing. lol
I still have some raisins though, yea for me.

I got an email from Cheryl today. Her ultrasound is on the 15th.

3 hours left. That sucks. I am going straight to bed when I get home. And tomorrow I have to clean. blah! but it has to be done. I'm excited though because Tuesday is my day off, go me. I am going to watch a movie and then go to the library and work on my research paper. Can you believe it!!? I am actually going to do some homework. And work out! I'm on a roll

I got offered a free flank stank over quartered potatoes today. mmmm that sounds so good. Too bad the guy was definitely way too old, steak and potatoes, mmm the highway to my heart. lol.
I am getting in a bad mood. That's not good.

Oh man I have such bad cramps and I am exhausted. I am eating raisins tryign to get some energy. I went to borders to get some books. I am so bad. Actually I went to get one but I got 3. They are all for french. See I bet ya'll thought I was jokin when I said I was going to learn french. Oh no. I am gonna learn and I am gonna be awesome. I'll be able to leave audio posts in french when I get really good. lol. I am such a nerd.

I decided to wear my hair down to day (because of the cramping and the exhaustion and what not) and everyone's like oh you got your hair cut, it looks nice. I think it looks like crap. I also think my body looks like crap. It's funny cuz I lost 50 lbs and still think that I look like crap. I think that mostly has to do w/ not working out and sitting around in sweatpants eating icecream right out of the container. mmmm icecream. lol. I brought my nutrion book to work today and I was reading it on the way so now I know what to get when I go to the grocery store and I don't care how tired I am in the morning I am working out before I go to work. Maybe that will help the cramps a bit too. I just need to work out again and acutally eat right at the same time. which is way harder than it sounds. lol. I am bored and don't really have anything to say so I am going to talk to Margo.

Sorry I have to comment on this

I just read the 5 points of Bush's agenda. Ohmigod!!! We are in trouble. 2 might be harmless but the other 3 are fucking retarded. No. 4 really has me pissed. Maybe you should check it out Marisa. hmmm

1. simplify the tax code. sounds ok, might be nice, but considering Bush doesn't do anything if it isn't backed by a selfish motivator I would guess this is going to involve more loop-holes for the rich.

2.reform social security to make it more privatized and put it in the stock market. What the fuck?! I do not want my retirement fund in the fucking stock market. I want my money guarenteed to be there when I need it.

3. Make tax cuts permantent so there is a loss of a trillion dollars over 10 yrs. What?! Put that money in social security so I am not eating freakin alpo when I am 80. How about cutting out the wastefullness of the way taxes are spent now and make it a more effecient system s0 it's better spent, and try putting into social security, and getting the budget balanced and then we will talk about cutting taxes for all your buddies.

4. Energy Legislation. Opening Alaska's Wildlife Refuge for oil drilling. What's that Marisa? I was right? Is that what you said? Yeah I thought so.
So instead of taking aforementioned trillion dollars and trying to come up w/ a solution for being so dependent on oil, the oil-tycoon is going to tap into the rest of the oil we have. Wow. who saw that one coming? oh yeah it was me. like it was that hard. Thanks majority of America I really appreciate that you decided your Hummers and SUV's are more important than Alaska's wildlife. Now go and tell the cute fuzzy baby animals that you don't care if they have a place to go as long as you can make up for your small dicks and other insecurities by having the biggest vehicle you can find.

5. Peaceful Elections in Iraq. Again it sounds good, but we'll see how he fucks this up.

Yeah, maybe I am a little bitter. And don't worry it will get worse because I have yet to hear what he is going to do about abortions. I mean do this stupid girls who only vote bush because he is pro-life even know what it was like for women when abortion was illegal or do they even care because they think they are going to hell anyway and the sooner the better? Anyway I am off this topic because I would like to have a nice day.

Ohmigod, I love big gay Kenny. lol. He is so open-minded if I need any one to do something w/ me he almost always says yes, take for instance, I want to learn to speak French, Kenny is going to learn it w/ me. (Hopefully Marisa does too) and he is going to teach me to play Texas hold 'em. Yea! I am pretty excited about learning French now, Jen wants to teach me Greek so I can go out w/ one of her boyfriend's friends. "rolling eyes" Even though they are cute and Australian, I doubt it. But anyway.

Jen and I went to Borders after class, ohmigod I want to buy a new book sooo bad. We were looking at "He's Just Not That Interested" and she said she has it, and I flipped the book open and the page it was on was..."If he isn't calling, he's just not that interested" Ohmilord. It was funny. We were talking politics and I was trying to explain to her why Bush is not a good choice when she came out w/ "But we can't let Iraq get away w/ attacking the U.S." DOH!!! I couldn't take it, we had to stop the conversation cuz I was about to get heated. She also would not vote for Kerry only because he is for abortion. No other reason, she would vote for Bush!! She doesn't care about the environment, or VA Benefits, or anything else. I mean seriously why would you only vote for someone based on one topic? I can let go of a few minor topics, as long as the big ones are there, like the environment and the welfare of our country and soldiers and social security so my gram's doesn't have to eat alpo, or better yet so I don't have to eat Alpo when I am 80. I mean I doubt I would have an abortion so it's not a problem if they are allowed. If I need one then that is between me and my conscious but anyway does this all really matter? I mean if you don't agree w/ me you stopped reading a long time ago and if you do then I really don't need to go on about it.


I am going to know french and poker, and then eventually when I can afford it I am going to go back to tango, I am gonna be so well-rounded it's insane. I have my rough draft for my research paper due in 2 weeks!!!! Holy fuck! 10 pages in 2 weeks, I just got my topic Tuesday. Isn't that insane.

My pretty new counter....much better than the one w/ the nasty, torn, worn out faux wood liner paper on it. lol 

My new sinks.....look I have 2 now!!! 

So I got cable.... I forgot how much crap is on t.v. I barely watched it. Although I did get a form to fill out for volunteering at the hospital near my apartment. Oh yeah. And I have decided I really want to learn french. It's going to be hard though, I need to find a class. I am going to give Jen a blank cd to make me a cd of greek music, cuz it had a good beat to it. Although I must say I did watch some VH1 and I discovered that I like Garbage and possibly Sade (undecided).
I am pretty excited because after this month I will be able to take my monthly check every month and not only pay rent and my phone bill but pay Keith and Ross, and then have the rest of the money to pay Keith and Ross some more and living expenses. That's freakin awesome!!!!! I will have them paid off soon and then I will be able to pay off other bills, and spend money on myself. I figure, I will have Ross paid off w/ the check from the first of December, and I will have Keith paid off hopefully the first of January, but his phone bill will probably be on the first of February. But maybe not, maybe all of it in January. Either way by feb. I will have them paid off. Then I have my phone bills, and dr. bills, but those I will pay off a little slower because I will definitely need to spend some money on myself. I will just set up payment plans and stuff to get the rest paid off. I am not worried about them so much because it's not going to hurt anyone if I don't pay it off right away, I mean I will have the stress of bills but oh well. It sucks that I didn't get to use any of the money that I got w/ the last monthly check.

I really want to learn French. I don't know if I actually will, but I think it would be cool. I should go back to tango, but that can wait awhile, it's expensive.

This is kinda funny but mostly sad, it's about the election and what re-electing Bush means about our country.


Hey!!! I got my new counter top today and out of the blue I got cable! How crazy is that? I will post again later but right now I want to watch tv. lol.

Alright well there's a little over an hour to go and right now I am by myself so no one to talk to. I am also feeling sad. :-( poor me. I want my boyfriend back, but before he was actually my "boyfriend" and he cared about me. I am feeling sorry for myself. :-( My mood deserves 2 frowns. Unfortunately I knew how I would feel before I made the decision, but there comes a point when you have to love yourself more and take the risk. But still.

I am hungry, I am about to make myself sick from the tootsie rolls and mini 3 musketeers. I am gonna make some food when I get home. Maybe stay up late and feel sorry for myself a bit more. lol. I am so pathetic. Can ya'll tell I am trying to get some sympathy. lol. just kidding. See I do need a cat. lol. Oh well I am sure I will stop feeling so bad soon. (right?!) lol Hopefully Dana gets in here in a half hour so we can leave. :-(. I needed another one. lol. Once have some money and can go shopping I will feel better. lol. In a few more months. I am working on my makeover. I just need to start working out. And then I will have Jamie take pics of me to put up on my blog (Because I am going to try and work on a new layout.... I had in mind to change it when I put this one up because I want my own pic up.)

There was just this one really crabby woman and I didn't even do anything to her. The bitch and ya know what I am already not in the best mood to deal w/ customers any more. Although there was this one really sweet guy, I swear if he wasn't married....I would have hugged him. lol, jk. no he was in the airforce so I was talking to him about that, and I told him about my dad and my mom and he was like you are inspiring. AAHH. I melted a little (he was kinda cute and very sweet, I love it when guys are sweet, it makes me melt) alright time to go. Yea me. Oh this bitch is back blah!!!

I just remembered something George said. He told me that some of the soldiers in Iraq didn't get ballots to vote!!!! The people who deserve to vote the most didn't even get freakin ballots. MMMHMMM I wonder who's idea that was. freakin figures. Ok I am mad about that too. That is just sad. The dirty cheating bastard. lol.

This hour is taking so long!!! We were busy until 7 and now it's dead. Maybe I will see if Kenny is online and make him play pool w/ me.

Although I am disappointed I am not mad, I had time last night before I went to bed for the results to sink in. I don't understand how Bush could be more popular now than 4 yrs ago. And what's w/ the fucking republican bitches trying to challenge the Democrates right to vote. (Ok I am mad about that, fucking Ohio) I am also mad cuz at the party last night there were all these beautiful, looked to be smart, successful women, all voting for Bush because they are pro-life. As Ross said they are just choosing not to have an abortion. (but they couldn't get that through their dense head) Ross also said that people voting for Bush watched t.v. and people voting for Kerry read, well George said he could not find much about what Bush was gonna do in writing but he found alot of videos. lol. Back to the R. chicks, I mean ok, pro-life sure, but what about the environment? their little unwanted kids aren't going to have any place to play that isn't polluted, oh and I wonder if they are on birthcontrol, cuz that would seem a little contradictory to me, I mean everytime they fuck some random guy and he comes that is one more baby that could have been born. Or everytime a republican guy jacks off or sleeps w/ a prostitute, that's a waste of what God created that sperm to do. Oh and the chicks ended up dancing all hoochy w/ eachother (which is fine by me) but isnt that what the democratic chicks are supposed to do, R. don't like lesbians.

Alright, well I wasn't going to really post about the results much but ooops. lol.

I had a dream where I was about to have sex w/ this guy and then all of a sudden I told him no and pushed him off. Damn I can't even get laid in my dreams. That's so sad. I also had a dream about Keith, we were laughing and playing around. I need to start working out more so I can get some better sleep.

Alright well I know I will be bored at work so I need to save some stuff to talk about later. lol

I did my duty as an American citizen today and voted....for Kerry. Everyone of my chads hung on there. I had to tear them all off manually. There was hardly anyone in line, although I did see one of my old doormen there. So because I planned for at least an hour wait (just in case) I was here like 3 hours early. That sucked. I went to the library to use the computers but we were not allowed to sit down, so I started to go throught this book that I have (more on this later) and then I came up stairs and am now on Melissa's computer. We are supposed to go to Bennigan's for class tonight but I don't have any money. Melissa wants to pay for us all, but we are not having any of that. We will probably go to governor's pub because they will have tv's to watch the election in. I might still go to Burton's Place to hang out w/ Ross but I am not in a very good mood so I might not. We will see.

I wrote Keith an email this morning telling him that I couldn't sit around and wait for him to pay me attention any more. I just can't it hurts too much. So that is why I am bummed out. I need a cat.

The book that I am reading is about "shaping up your life." I am doing the live the life you want make-over. I know I know, I am such a corny girl. But oh well, I figured it will give me something to focus on and that way I won't feel so lousy. Each week I have to work on certain things: emotions/spirituality/physical health/diet/rest/body image and confidence. It's a four week make-over although all the different areas have more than one four week plan. I think I might be getting excited about the spirituality one. I think I am going to do the plan for volunteering. I want to volunteer to hold babies in the nurseries at hospitals. That way maybe I can learn to do some stuff before I have kids. Or I might do a big sister thing. I wanted to do that before I came up here. But I think that will help me feel good about myself and take care of some of the loneliness that I feel. Not to mention I think I will still join the art club, but that won't actually start until the strike is over.

We went to Bennigan's for class, it was pretty damn good. That was the coolest class, it was like a bunch of friends just chatting over dinner. I got a shitty grade on my last paper. It was a freakin B-. There was no reason for me to have not gotten an A on that paper. I'm retarded. I went to hang out w/ Ross, Jamie and Mike at the bar for the party. Didn't stay long at all. Jen, from class wants me to move to Australia w/ her. She is awesome. Oh and I can't get a cat because Ross is allergic. and I am going to see if I can go in an hour late for work because Melissa is having this thing at school and she needs people to show up. Plus it's for money for women to go to college and stuff. I need to go to that. I got 2 movies from Netflix today, Buying the Cow and Passion of the Christ. I guess that's all I really have to type. I might watch Buying the Cow tonight.

Oh I forgot. Ya know what sucks donkey dick. (huge, hairy, nasty, donkey dick) when you have to break up w/ someone you love and everyone else around you is happy in love and they all want to tell you about it...over and over and over. (Don't take this personnally Marisa, I love you and you can tell me about Danny any time) Seriously though, every freakin person I know. Every one. Sometimes I hate my life.

We had 70 arrivals tonight, we only have 27 left. It's only 7:30. And we never get everyone that is scheduled to come so I would guess we will have 20 and some of those people might not even come until after midnight. That's so ridiculous. I don't really want to go home early though. I would like to ride the train w/ John, otherwise I have to walk to Michigan Ave to catch a bus in the rain. blahhhhh.

Obama, this guy who is running for senator for Illinois is having a thing here tonight and there's going to be some famous politicians here. Including the mayor and tons of press. I don't even know what the mayor looks like. I just get a picture of the mayor of New York whenever I have to think of a mayor. Not that that's that often.

So anyway, I actually had something to post about but ya know I forgot. It sucks that all the guys that work here are gay. It's very disappointing. Not to mention that all the guys in my neighborhood are gay. But whatever. I need some distractions in my life. I was trying to think of something but I think anything I do, I will still have time to think of stuff. Ya know. When me and Kyle broke up I went to tango and then started dating like 2 days later. That distracted me for awhile, but I don't want to date right now. I was thinking earlier that I need to get out and have some fun w/ friends and just go out. I could spend 20 bucks on going out, but then I realized that I don't have anything to wear out. That sucks. All my clothes are too big. But then I realized that I have to go out tomorrow, any way. LOL Ross' roommate is having an election party. I will just sit around I guess. I know I won't drink anything but oh well, it should at least be funny. I don't have to work tomorrow! Yea, go me. That's another thing I couldn't date now even if I wanted to because I wouldn't have anything to wear on a date.

AAWWWW John just said I love you to his girlfriend on the phone so I made fun of him and he was like "I don't care, I am proud." AAAWWWWWWWWWWWW That's so sweet.

HOLY HELL I AM BORED!!!!!

Ppsssttt.... they are doing taped interviews of the politicians in our lounge...... just thought you might like to know.....we have to be quiet now. Man I wish I could tell ya'll the name of the hotel but then I wouldn't be able to brag about all the famous people that come here and I might get a stalker that way. But it is a kick ass hotel.

We had a guy come in tonight that we upgraded to the lion king suite (it is such an awesome room, there's a 2 person jacuzi tub and the tubs face eachother, and there's a waterfountain on the wall and there's a canopy bed in the bed room and there's a living room) because he is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and he had a white rose put on the bed, and a bottle of wine, but then Mark also sent up a bottle of champaign. The guy looked really nervous. It was sweet. AWWWWW. Ok it's 9 now and I am still bored out of my mind. But after all the posts yesterday I really don't need to be posting just for the hell of it. lol.

I have to apologize for the craziness of yesterday's posts. lol. I was thinking of taking them down, but that's part of being a woman so I gotta leave em up. That's what ya get when ya cross pms, sexual frustration, lack of sleep, and a broken heart. Seriously though, I don't know what's wrong w/ me I never had pms until this yr. I think I should go back on norplant. But anyway

Marisa cracks me up. I was iming her this morning and she was telling me about Ray, (they broke up and he is being an ass) well he said she was rude. Marisa told me "I tried to say sorry but it just came out a giggle" LOL that is so funny, I have had that happen before. Alright well I just got up and I don't really have much to say, maybe later when I am bored at work.