More proof of how insane I am.

Keith tells me all the time that I think too much, and a few other people, not knowing Keith accused me of this, have said it to me recently. When Keith first started telling me this I picked up this book "Women Who Think Too Much" cuz I love to buy books. So I finally started reading it tonight and so far I have found out that I do in fact over think and this has been going on my whole life (I used to think my friends didn't like me because I didn't have a dad and they did). The major effects of overthinking include "making stresses seem bigger, and we are less likely to find good solutions to our problems." This is why I like my dr so much, he helps me find solutions to my problems and make a plan on how to fix them. Plus my anxiety attacks come from this "We are more likely to react to stresses in an intense and lasting way." another effect is that it "hurts our relationships--others may become annoyed, even abandon us, and we have trouble understanding what we need to do to improve our relationships" hmmm how many times have I ranted about people abadoning me?! and finally it "may even contribute to serious mental disorders, including depression, sever anxiety and alcohol abuse." Well I got 2 of the three. I thought my "overthinking" was my anxiety, or that my anxiety caused the overthinking, but in fact it is the other way around. Now for the seriously sick part.... I was just now laying in bed overthinking about overthinking. I want to cry. I feel like everything is all my fault and I am just this huge insane, crazy bitch that makes everyone else's life harder. I have always wondered what it was that made it so hard for people to love me. Maybe this is it. And it really makes me sad because I have spent the last 22 yrs doing this and driving people away. (I am on the 16th page of this book and I am already bawling. *insert eye roll here*) I've made it so hard for the people I care about the most to love me. Ok we all know I am a bit of a hypochondriac but seriously this could be the whole reason I feel the way I do and why I do the things I do and the whole answer for questions I have been asking since I can remember. That's pretty big. I mean if you knew how many times I cried because everyone leaves me or because I just couldn't understand what was wrong w/ me and what made it so hard to love me then you would know why I am crying on the 16th page of this book and why I am happy cuz maybe now I can do something about it but really sad because there really is something that makes it hard for people to love me.