went to english tonight. Melissa cracks me up.

she asked me why i wasnt at class on tuesday. my excuse is too lame to most people so i didnt want to tell her. it wasn't the sims though i swear. and i did do my paper.it was cuz i ran out of deoderant and since i walk to school i sweat, and i didnt want to smell bad. i am very self conscious about smelling bad. but i borrowed a stick from ross so i could got to class tonight. i smelled manly. lol. i got some fries from Estella. they were frozen but they will come in handy in a minute when i get up to make some food. I just watched the debate. Bush is stupid. lol. sorry had to get that in there. I mean seriously the only people who could believe what he says are people who don't know better.

i was gonna say something else but i got distracted

This is outrageous!

HERE is a list of the top ten books that are banned from schools. I don't understand the banning of books, except maybe letters to penthouse (but just in schools) I read and completely enjoyed bridge to tarabithia, fried green tamatoes and a ton of judy blumes books, not to mention lights in the attic, Cheryl just bought that for Elizabeth. People are so silly. The books I read were great and I read most of them more than once. Another book I loved but luckily it's not on here, was where the red ferns grow. that was sooo good. I read bridge to tarabithia for a class. What are these people thinking?

well my check hasn't come, however my ameritech bill and my check for the train ride went through. so that's just great. and I won't get my first check until the 20th of October.

I am waiting to go pick up Ross at the hospital. He is having surgery on his foot today. He made me a steak and baked potato for dinner last night. mmm yummy. It was good.

Well back to playing the sims 2.

Wow! the sims 2 kicks ass. I have been playing almost nonstop since sunday at 10pm. i only stopped for eating and bathroom breaks and then 30 minutes to write my paper and then today to go take a drug test for my new job, oh and to sleep, but I have even been getting up early to play. lol. that is so sad. I am in bed at like 2 or 3 and up by 9. lol. only for the sims baby. anyway I have to go take the test again because I didn't bring my ID w/ me this time. I only had to take a drug test one other time and it was when I was 16.


Anyway.. Ross keeps telling me I need a boyfriend who will treat me as good as he does. HA that's a laugh. All guys treat you good until they get some. Then they just don't care. Except Ross. He says he still treats his wife that way and I am sure he does. I wish I could find some one to treat me as good as he does, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. Mainly cuz I am too soft hearted and easy to please. I think if a guy looks at me that that's good enough. Anyway.


My job is at the hotel where Ross works. I will be at the front desk. Ross said they want to schedule me for every fri. sat. and sun. At first I had a problem w/ this because me and Keith wouldn't get to hang out ever, but then I thought..."Who am I kidding" and now I have a problem w/ it cuz I will never get a day all to myself. Although it won't be too bad cuz at least on the days when I have school it's only an hour and a half. then I can do whatever I want even though I will still work 2 days during the week. But who's to say they are even gonna do that. Ross said he was like no you can't do that, then I will never get to see her. and since he is friends w/ the girl that was talking to him she might listen. lol. it's not a big deal if she doesnt though. I just want some money lol. I am out of pretty much everything at this point. everything except ramen noodles. My check is supposed to come either tomorrow or friday. well technically it was supposed to be here on monday but that didnt happen so i am pretty bummed about that. Hopefully it will come tomorrow but if not (and I doubt that it will) then it has to come on friday. If it doesn't I am gonna be seriously pissed and on the phone w/ some people chewing them out.
Anyway I am tired and have to get up at 7 am to go take the drug test. See I do want this job. lol.

oh btw so I don't forget I asked my gram's what my dad did in the airforce and she said he was a flight engineer and he flew on the c141. Now maybe I will remember.


i just remembered I never got my check from that bastard at that job I had before vegas. the fucker. I could have had groceries for a whole week w/ that shit. lol.

Well I am back. The weekend went by pretty fast.


Friday: The 4 o'clock train was full so I had to take the 8 o'clock train. That got me in at 1:30 in the morning but my grandma wasn't there so I had to wait til 2:30 for her and Harry. I decided to sleep on the couch cuz it's more comfy than my bed. Harry decided to stay up (it's 3 am at this point) just cuz. Well he was sitting at the dinning room table which is pretty much the same room as the living room, w/ all the lights on. So I didn't get to bed until about 4 or 5 in the morning.

Saturday: I told my gram's that I was going to get up at 8:30, at 7:30 she sat in the chair right next to the couch and started talking to the bird and making him whistle. :- So I got up and went to Cheryl's and hung out there for a bit. I found out that a kid that I know died the night before from a fourwheeler accident. So we were all upset by that. Then I follow them to the reception hall and watch Cheryl decorate the cake. Then I go to my Grandma and Grandpa's and hang out w/ them and a few of my aunts and uncles (there's alot of them). Then I go get ready for the wedding, get Johnny and head on over there. I got the wrong church and was about to freak out when I saw Cheryl and Adrianna coming. So we followed them to the right chapel. The ceremony was very fast and small. I was in tears the whole time just about. (The first time that's ever happened and unfortunately I doubt it will be the last) Then on to the reception. Also very small, good food, actually got to hangout w/ Cheryl a bit. Danced a little. Just the dollar dance though. I danced a little w/ Bill (that was akward) and a little w/ Cheryl. Then me and Johnny went to Pat's Place and threw some darts (I kicked his ass. lol) Met up w/ a ton of people I hadn't seen in 5 yrs. Then went to Jim's club house and hung out w/ him for a little bit and drove Johnny home and then went back to Grandma's at about 12. I had a pounding headache so I grabbed the tylenol p.m. and took 4 (oops...I wouldn't try that at home folks) I was out until 12 the next day. I only got up because my grandma woke me up for lunch. I was so tired I could hardly open my mouth to talk. Seriously it was a huge effort on my part to just ask what time is it. Hung out w/ Eric and Elizabeth and then me and gram's went on our way to the train station. We stopped at walmart for my bday present. The Sims 2 of course. The train was an hour late but got in the station half an hour early. hmmm. I had a shitty train ride. Then came home and played the sims 2 until 3 in the morning and then woke up at 9 and have been playing ever since. I paused for 5 minutes to make some food but that was it.


Now I am gonna clean, because I think Keith is coming over, and I am gonna jump in the shower and maybe eat, and then start my English paper....that's due tomorrow. hmmmmm that's gonna be tricky. Sorry the descriptin of the weekend is so boring but I am kinda in a rush.

I am pretty much in a bitchy mood right now. Mostly from last night. Althoughh I did have a very interesting sex dream involving Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Although I have a feeling that it was supposed to be Cheryl and Bill. Which could be the reason I am still in a bitchy mood cuz that's just wrong. So anyway.

The good thing about going home...the food. And not just any food, oh no, all the food I like. It's going to be soo yummy. mmm I can't wait! I am gonna bring some back w/ me. Then when I get back I will get my check and be able to buy some groceries! Right now I am procrastinating. I should start getting ready for my interview but I don't want to. I am just in an awful mood. I'm very cranky. I might put up another post after my interview but who knows.

I was sooo happy cuz I bought some stuff to make chili the other day, and I already had some meat so I put it out to thaw and I was going to make some chili. Well I put the hamburger out to thaw and completely forgot about it and since I didnt let it thaw in the fridge, it was ruined. I couldn't believe it, but then again I could, it is me after all.

I have a few calls to make today, first to my landlord and to the courthouse, then to this place my psych teacher was telling me about. I am not sure if I will go work out. But on tuesday I wasn't going to go and then at the last minute I went.

I was going to see if I could get someone to come down w/ me to help me move my stuff because all of a sudden Kyle is very determined to move it himself so I am wondering what he is trying to get away w/. But I am not even going to bother. I am just going to let him move it, and as long as I get the stuff that I want immediately, like my computer, and dvd player and tv then he can keep whatever else he wants cuz that is probably the only stuff he would want to keep. I didn't want her helping move my stuff, but now I just don't care. I haven't needed this stuff in a yr, so it's not like it's that important too me, except the couch and washer and dryer and the stuff I want right now. So he can move it, it's what I wanted in the beginning any way and if his girlfriend messes w/ it then he will have to pay for it.

I have to clean now, cuz yesterday I didn't clean much at all. I was kind of overwhelmed by how messy it was. lol. That's awful. It's not that bad, but it's kinda like why bother. I don't have any place to put any of the stuff, but I am gonna try anyway.

Sometimes I feel like this. Really it's the only bad thing about being "single" I spend alot of time alone too, but I am hoping that that will change. I like my alone time, but I get lonely. And hanging out w/ people helps me to appreciate the alone time more. Usually though I have always had one person that I hung out w/ alot. At least every other day, and when Kyle moved in, about 6 nights a week.

I might have a job. I have a second interview w/ the hotel where Ross works and I think my schedule will be monday and wednesday nights and tuesday and thursday days, cuz of school. At least that is what Sherri implied it would be. Don't know for sure though. And I was getting myself all talked into being a cocktail waittress at heavenly bodies too. lol. I guess that dream will just have to wait. lol.

Damn. I woke up w/ a pounding headache. I am debating on whether or not I should shower before class. I will feel gross if I don't but I am just coming back here to clean. And I will get all gross again. I didn't go to pilates. At that early in the morning I was like oh, I will go at noon, forgetting I would be in class at noon today. Maybe after I clean I will play some soccer. My head is killing me. I was wrong about not feeling sore. This woman in the gym class was like oh try a 15 lb bar you can do more than twelve it's only a lb and a half more in each hand than the twelve (and then she through in the trump card...like someone else I know) She said "and you'll have a great chest" so I grabbed the 15 lb bar and off I went. At the time it wasn't too bad, but now I am like uuuggghhh. Oh well. I think my head hurts because my neck and shoulders and back are all sore too. Oh and our paper in English got pushed back to Tuesday. Yea! 2 more days til I go home. I don't want to go home. Ok so the to-do list today is to clean, call some people that need to be called, start my paper for english....hmm I think that is it. It will probably take all day. Oh and I have gotten some complaints about the less than computer savvy about my template, so as soon as I get some pictures of myself that I like I will change it....again.

I am not feeling too sore right now, so hopefully I will not be too bad tomorrow. English was fun as usual. I walked there and back. That class just kicks ass. And then I got a left over compliment from the guy that was high last week. I was walking out w/ Jen and as we were going into the revolving doors (he was in front of us) he turned and said sexy to her, it was kinda funny the way he said it. And she's like what did he just say. So he repeated it on the other side, and then he looked at me and he was like you too. LOL. ohmigod. It was funny. Jen said "I shouldn't have asked" Anyway, that's all I got.

Here's Kerry's top ten list from the tonight show. I went to the gym today. The resist-a-ball class is pretty fun. We are just a bunch of girls gossiping. lol. Well it is 5 girls, what do you expect. One was pregnant so we sat around talking about babies. I am gonna be so sore tomorrow, but that's ok. At least until tomorrow.

Don't have much to post. Just talking airforce stuff w/ George. He's making fun of me cuz I am an airforce brat but I don't know anything lol. Trying to watch Ellen but Shrub is on. I felt pretty bad the last couple of days. So last night I didn't do anything but watch t.v. I slept for like 10-11 hours last night. How cool is that?! I have english tonight. I can't wait. I had a dream that I was playing the sims 2 last night. I am so pathetic. I took a few pics of all of us at the game. Oliver Hudson is hot. Sorry but I had to throw that in there cuz he's on Ellen. Jon Stewart was on too. He's fucking hilarious. Alright well that's all I got. Maybe more after my class

I am really sick of love songs right about now. I wish I had one more blank cd cuz that way I could burn a cd of the music I feel like listening to today. Alanis, The Weather Girls, Avril, some of the Dixie Chicks. I am just in a funky mood.

I got up and went to the gym but I didn't work out. I was so tired and Ross wanted to do the class so I just came back home. I was sleeping sooo good. yea! I want to go back to sleep now. lol. But I can't I have to get ready for school. Even though I don't have any of my homework done. Great huh.

Keith came down yesterday. We had a pretty good time. I found out that a few weeks ago when he went fourwheeling up north and I was gonna go but then it turned into a guys weekend cuz this guy and his girlfriend got into a fight, then at the last minute the girl went. Keith said he forgot to tell me. We did get into a fight right away when he called after he got back. At the time I thought it seemed like he just wanted to fight, but I don't know. I can't do anything about it now. It really made me mad though because Kyle used to hide stuff from me and I would have to dig it out of him, so now I am wondering what else don't I know because I haven't asked the right questions? I do not want to be w/ someone who I have to wonder if I am getting the whole story. Before Kyle started that shit I thought a relationship was 2 friends, but he showed me that it's about one person against the other. I hate that bullshit. It should be 2 friends. 2 people who are in it together and I am not gonna settle for that crap where a guy is lying to the girl all the time. Everything that I have seen since I have been dating points to the same damn thing. That guys just see girls as their mom and someone who's just there to bitch and make their lives miserable. It's ridiculous. I don't really know how I feel about the situation. I mean Keith has never lied to me... that I know of, so I want to trust him, and I do about the last minute stuff. But now I am wondering if he just started that fight on purpose so I wouldn't ask about the weekend.

We went to best buy so he could get a radio, I got to drool over the sims 2. I wanted to lick it so it was mine. lol.

Alright well I was going to be a good girl and clean and do my homework and all that, but Marisa had to be evil and talk me into going to the Sox game after all. And I am sitting here and I want to go but I don't at the same time. If I go, I will have to rush to do my work. Rushing=stress. Stress=not doing what I need to do. I want to go........ but I shouldn't go.....and I am trying to do the things that I should do so I stop being such a slack ass......uuuugggg I hate internal delimas. I never win. lol. So me and Ross and Steph and Marisa are going to the Sox game.

Well I have to run then and do some laundry and read my psych and rub
Ross' feet like I promised him.

Kerry Hires Woman fired for Bumper Sticker

I got this story from the Ungodly Politics site, that's linked at the right. I thought this was a pretty good story.

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	January 9, 2011
Quiz created with MemeGen!

A few days before I added the tagboard I tried to sign up for this chatroom to add to my blog....well I got tired of waiting so I added the tagboard. I finally got an email from the chatroom people and I got it. But I like my tagboard so I am not going to remove it. The chatroom link is the little blue and green button. I think I got the chatroom thing from here.

Me and Keith kinda got into it. He thinks I just like giving him shit all the time and riding his ass. And that I expect him to perform miracles. He says he looks at stuff from the other persons point of view, but I guess he has forgotten to do that w/ me. I know he's busy, I know he's got a lot of shit going on, I know he can't drop everything. And he never tells me he wants to be w/ me or he wishes he could come and see me or even that he misses me. Ad he's always saying that he would understand if I went out w/ other people. The last week and a half he has told me more that he wants to come and see me and he has been being really sweet and I love that. It makes me feel like he does want to be w/ me. I try not to get my hopes up about seeing him but sometimes I do anyway so I need more reassurance than normal. He just sees me as something that's adding more pressure in his life.

Went grocery shopping earlier. I got $4.50 worth of rommen noodles (18 packets if you must know) I got some crystal light cuz it makes 48 servings for like 5 bucks and my one splurge was some chips. lol. oh and a 2 liters of rootbeer cuz I am having rootbeer cravings lately and it was only a dollar.

I am thinking I am gonna bring my old computer back and sell it on craigslist for whatever I can get for it. hmmm I guess I could also sell my sims games......I mean there's the sims 2 so after I get that I won't want to even play the first sims any more.....but I guess I should wait to make sure....although I could sell...well never mind I could be here all day. lol. I bet there's a ton of shit in those boxes I could sell on craigslist........

So apparently Kyle's little woman realizes that he should be moving my stuff. He called my Gram's and all of a sudden he is volunteering to move it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I tried telling her that in that last email but she didn't want to listen. Now I feel like going to get it. LOL. See how awful I am. Up until this point I didn't want to go over there, I didn't want to move my stuff, I told her this way I wouldn't have to go over there and that that should be good for her considering she doesn't want me to even email him. And now since I called his mom and Brittany decided to have Kyle do it because she can control him and not me, I feel like going to get it. Aahhh it really is the old me. lol.

Today is a sad day. The Sims 2 came out and I can't afford it. I want to sob quietly into my pillow. lol. And I was talking to George and I realized I haven't done anything "crazy" in a long time. Even in Vegas I was tame. lol. Crap I suck.

Ya know how I said no stress? lol, well I lied. I might not be able to switch English classes. And that means I can't go back to the other class either. Obviously I procrastinated too much. I don't know if it will work but she is gonna try and talk to the guy. I will be sad if I don't get to go to that class this semester but I will take it next for sure. But I seriously love that class. We are studying arguements. The arguements in the book are really interesting to read. I am having trouble w/ the claims but I got the warrants no prob, however, we need to have the claims down for the paper we have to write for next thursday. There's this one guy that just loves to hear himself talk, and I swear he was high tonight. I smelled pot when I walked by him and he was laughing at the stupidest stuff and he was like I want to do my paper on why pot should be legalized. I wonder if he is just gonna give the pothead reasons or environmental reasons too. Like hemp for paper and all that. But then again if he is like my brother, he has read a ton of books on the subject. Alright well I am gonna get ready for bed.

I didnt mean to sound mad at keith earlier, it just that it's confusing ya know. but anyway I was really happy he came down and we had fun. I was kinda hoping we would spend the weekend together cuz of my birthday and all that. but I know he's busy and since we aren't really together it's fine.

I am soo lucky that I treat myself like a princess. lol. Since I slept in this morning I went to have breakfast and then sat around and went to the gym. I worked out soo damn hard. I can already tell I am not gonna be able to move. but the good news is I took a super hot shower, and I have icey hot, and Ross left my heat pack at the gym w/ Raymond this morning so I am gonna rub down w/ icey hot, put the heat pack around my shoulders and chill out for an hour or so, then do some laundry and take another hot shower, and head to english. After last night and such a good nights sleep and great sex, and then working out I feel so relaxed and I am about to get even more relaxed. I feel like my old laid back self. it's nice. I am looking forward to class. Even though I didn't go on tuesday. No stress today.

So yesterday I got up and went to pilates and then to school and I came home and went to dinner w/ a guy I met and played soccer w/ on Tuesday. Well Keith called while I was waiting for this guy and he was like oh well I was gonna come down but I don't want to mess up your date. *rolling eyes* And he kept saying that. And I told him "even if I was on a date what would you care? You don't want to be w/ me anyway. Do you just not want me to be w/ someone else?" He said," I don't care but you wouldnt tell me if I didnt ask" That is a bunch of crap. When I feel like dating I will tell him. Right now I don't need to date. I like everything the way it is. I told Keith if we didnt work out I wasn't going to date any one for awhile. And he said the same thing. If I can't be in a relationship w/ Keith then fine. Just freaking tell me one way or the other. And the last thing I want to do is deal w/ another guy right now (as in a boyfriend or date). I mean I just started getting over Keith like a week ago and it's like I still get hurt by the fact that he doesnt want to be w/ me. and yeah we can still have sex cuz "at least we are good at that" *rolling eyes again* But I am not gonna sit here and wait for something he doesnt want to give anymore. so anyway.

He ended up coming down last night and we had a good time. We watched the punisher. That movie was pretty good. Some of it was really funny and some made me want to cry. And we had some awesome sex. It was great cuz after the sex and movie I was asleep in half an hour. I slept like a rock. Just from being soo exhausted all day anyway, and then getting busy and then zoning out in front of a movie. I was like sweet. It kinda sucks cuz this is the first weekend that me and Keith both have free and he was like well I don't know I am gonna be busy. Like I said earlier it still sucks that he doesn't want to be w/ me, but it mostly sucks because I feel like he is just not being completely honest. It's like is he really busy or is he just making it up or well not making it up but just using it as an excuse, and if he is why does he feel the need to do that, other than he just doesnt want me to be w/ someone else, but then again he did actually say that once so I dont know but don't act like it's a big deal if I am hanging out w/ a friend, even if it was a date, I shouldn't have to answer to him. I would tell him I wanted to date but I wouldn't give him details and act like he has a right to know. I gave him more than enough opportunity to be w/ me. I mean I was just wondering if we were gonna do something cuz Marisa was saying she has an extra ticket to a sox game and Ross was like lets hang out this weekend. and I was kinda seeing what Keith would say cuz it's the first weekend in a month that we could spend the whole thing together and he was acting like he was sorry we haven't had a weekend together and that we didnt get to see each other more than a couple hours at a time. but anyway I was really happy he came down last night and hung out. We had fun. I have to go work out in about an hour and a half. I don't really want to. but that's only cuz I am tired. cuz Ross and Raymond (from the gym) called me and woke me up. at like 8 and I couldnt fall back asleep. I was kinda mad cuz ya know...it's been awhile since I've been sleeping that good. but I still should have gone to work out.

Is your car dirty? This could happen to you. lol

check this out. I got it from this blog. I couldnt believe someone would do that! lol. but if it was my car I would kinda be grossed out. lol.

Here's the email that I promised......

I wish I could post my email that this is in response to but unfortunately it's too long so let me highlight.... I was apologizing for being bitchy and I was saying no offense but i dont want to deal w/ her, nothing personnal but even if she was mother teresa still i wouldnt want to deal w/ her. I did not attack her personnally in any way. not even in the bitchy emails. and I said that i am 5'8" and 135 lbs and i asked if she could see me lifting a couch and loveseat and washer and dryer and various boxes all by myself (not helping someone do it but by myself) and i said i had to deal w/ my uncle being very sick and other stressors of being in college, i love how she had to use the same stuff i said cuz she couldnt think of her own stuff to say. so thanks to keith for mentioning the option of calling his parents and ross for helping me w/ what to say, I called judy and she was like there's no rush we just wanted to know if you wanted it and if you did we weren't going to sell it. but if you didnt we would sell it. and Kyle called me about the washer and dryer before this little email and left a message so i guess that is why she was so pissed cuz he went against her wishes. and he didnt really sound like he was pissed or bent out of shape that he had to call me. lol. so anyway yeah it's funny cuz Ross was like she's not an adult, she's not the adult here and then I realized he was right and she is just a teenager and didnt know what the hell she was talking about. ahhh......the pleasures of getting older.





Elisha-
First of all, Kyle doesn't have a truck to move your stuff and you should probably be glad that I emailed you and asked you about this because Kyle and his family were just going to sell it without even contacting and I was the one that thought you should be asked if you wanted it back. Second, Kyle is tired of moving this stuff and doesn't have the time to move it right now with the stress of being a college student, working, and doing whatever it takes to make me happy.... also, none of Kyle's friends are going to want to take time out of their lives to move something that has nothing to do with them and I am 5'8" and 120 pounds and i dont think i would be much help lifting the couch and love seat. Also, I am not telling Kyle he can't talk to you, HE doesn't want to... I understand that you don't like me and you dont want to talk to me, but i dont like you either and i dont want to talk to you either.. BUT if it wasn't for me, your stuff would be sold... and kyle doesn't necessarily want to deal with your grandma either.. Kyle said he called about the washer and dryer, so can he sell it to them or not? Kyle says that he has seen your brother Johnny a few times and if he is willing to help then tell him to talk to kyle- kyle doesnt want you calling him so email me or him back with the information but it really doesn't matter who cuz i'm going to get it either way... email me back
brit

Didn't sleep again last night. even though I took some of those damn pills. I was up at 6 but I just couldn't get out of bed so I laid there until 7 and finally got up and then took a very small nap between 830 and 9.

Now I am watching Ellen Degenerous. She cracks me up. Ya know I wish I could dance like her. lol. She doesn't care what people think and she just looks like she has so much fun. Maybe I should ask her to teach me how. lol. oh I really should.

alright well I feel much better now. Of course Kenny didn't get back to me like he said he would about my resume, but whatever.


I called that chick about the fuck up w/ my rent and well I think it's straightened out. We will see.

I also applied for a ton of jobs. and plan to apply for a ton more tomorrow.

I am watching this family makeover thing on fox and I want to cry it's so sweet.

I can't wait til tomorrow. I am gonna do yoga and maybe run abit. and I have class. And I just can't wait cuz I am gonna do something w/ my art tomorrow. oh shit I have to email melissa for the project for english.

I miss Keith. *sigh*

anyway. lol.
Ya know I hate commercials about pads and tampons, really no one needs to see a commercial about that. i dont want to be reminded. lol
actually maybe i will play soccer tomorrow, or tennis. hmmm. that would be better than running. I am starting to feel chubby. lol.

I want to see that movie wimbeldon, cuz I am a sucker. lol. alright well I don't really have anything to type I just thought I should type a happier post. lol.

Serious venting,,,If you don't like the f-word read no further.

Kenny sucks! I asked him to help me w/ my resume a while back and he sent it to me half done and wanted me to do the other half of it and fix his mistakes and all that. Well that would have been fine and dandy if I knew what the fuck I was doing, but I told him "I don't know the first thing about resumes, I know nothing!" So I was lost when it came to this step. He took a fucking class on this shit and he is talking to me like I should know what the hell he is saying. And when I ask what he means he doesnt go into detail he just resays it. So I made some changes and sent it back. Well he never even looked at it and he worked on it again today and sent it to me but it has some of the same stuff that I changed, back on it. He put that I had conducted decorating workshops at this internship and I didn't do anything remotely like that so I took it off, well it's back on there. so he just used the old version and never looked at the one I sent back to him. Not to mention the lecture I had to sit through about how I haven't even tried looking for a fucking job and how "he hyped me up to much" on my resume this time. Ya know not one person here knows what my workethic is like. They just assume they do because I don't go to the gym every fucking day or that I got stressed out and didn't go to school or whatever. School and the gym is not the same fucking thing as a job. Yes school attendence is looked at but it's not the same thing and every one makes fucking mistakes I am tired of having my mistakes thrown in my fucking face. Yes I quit a job cuz the boss sucked and I wanted to go on a vacation that I had planned and told the fucking jack ass about. I am soooo fucking sorry you can't do the same damn thing but don't take it out on me. Don't try to make me feel quitly because something you did has you working 2 fucking jobs. I have never not shown up to work, I have never been the type of person to just say fuck it when it comes to work. I am there every day I am scheduled and most of the time early. Sure I am a few minutes late here and there but who the fuck isnt. Shit happens. I have never been more then 10 minutes late for work ever and that was once. and I used to open the library by my fucking self. with no one else there I am sick of hearing about how lazy I am and how I am so unreliable and no one will give me a recommendation just because I don't go to the fucking gym. It's not like I ask people for recommendations anyway. Except Kenny but he is always offering. Hell everyone offers to refer me to a job. I don't ask people to do it. I am so sick of hearing how I don't do anything. How the fuck would any one know what I do. Don't fucking tell me I haven't looked for a job just because I dont sit there and make you listen to how many jobs I have applied to today or how many places I have looked. I look all the fucking time. I sit here and I go through hot jobs and career builder and the reader and monster jobs and I go around and see if people are fucking hiring. (hell just thursday I was talking to Estella if Marshall's is hiring but guess fucking what they won't even hire me. I can't even get a job at a fucking retail store) but guess fucking what I don't have a resume to send any one and guess what I dont know how to fucking make one and when someone offers to help me w/ one because he took a fucking class on it then I would think he wouldnt fucking treat me like I am a fucking hassle to help. The last thing I fucking need is someone else telling me I don't look hard enough to find a fucking job. You don't fucking know! And guess what tomorrow I am gonna go to school early and I am gonna see if they have any kind of job to help me fucking pay for school but that doesnt mean I will fucking get one. That is if I can still even go to school. SHUT THE FUCK UP KENNY. I mean even Keith thinks I am just lazy cuz I don't have a job, and when I went w/ him to rip up carpet and worked really hard and didnt complain and actually liked doing it. He was like I didn't know you knew how to work. yes he was just teasing me, but everyone just thinks that I haven't done anything and I won't do anything and everyone has to do everything for me. Doing my resume isn't doing every thing for me. I tried so fucking hard to get a job when I first got here, but the people who were supposed to help at harrington always fucking turned me away. it was their fucking job to help me but they would never even give me a fucking appointment. I fucking went in there all the fucking time and everytime I got turned away. I did what they fucking said and they wouldnt help. I looked at every fucking place around here and I can't get hired. I have fucking tried. Don't tell me I haven't tried just because you think you are fucking perfect and if it was you you would have a job by now. I am sick of telling people that I am looking for a fucking job and that I applied at these places or that I am hoping this place hires me because when they don't I look like a fucking idiot. I don't have connections, I don't have my mommy to hire me and give me students...... well I feel a little better.

check out this bull shit.
can democrats be a bigger bunch of pussies. Why don't they grow some balls?

WOW could this day get any better? and it's only 9:22! ohmigod. not only could I be evicted cuz of some shit w/ my rent. and I am already behind in psych and I didnt get up and work out. but guess who I got an email from. My favorite person in the whole fucking world. BRITTANY. and no not spears. Brittany as in the moron's new girlfriend. basically Kyle's dad wants to sell my stuff when I have asked Kyle (once him directly and once through little miss thang) I woke up and I was already feeling so fucking stressed out that I didnt want to do anything that I have to do today. No school, no phone call, nothing and then this little bitch decides to pop her nasty little head into the mix. I am soo pissed and overwhelmed right now. I can't even fucking think. It's just so ridiculous that he has to go through her. I can't even wrap my mind around that. It's insane. Who does that?! oh wait someone w/o any balls. Yup that's Kyle. the fucker

Oh my god!! I just found the COOLEST website!! It offers free classes on html and and webdesign and css. I don't know what css is but I will after this class. I am taking the html and css now and after I am done w/ the html class I am signing up for the webdesign. And to think I would have paid for this. Hopefully it's good. Here's the link. I'm so excited!

well I tried this twice already today so third times a charm...right?


Well Keith and Marisa both called me last night so I am happy and all is well. And Marisa called me this morning too. :-D


I am still waiting on my Aunt Jeri andCheryl, but that's another story.


I asked Keith why he didn't call me earlier in the day, like say for instance when I wasn't on the im in the morning. He said "I don't know" so that kinda made me mad, but then he distracted me by saying really sweet stuff. for instance how he really wants to see the movie Punisher and has been wanting to stop and pick it up and the only reason he hasn't is cuz he wants to see it w/ me. Awwwww. Yes folks, I really am that easy to please. so that made me happy :-D. plus there was more but my foods almost done so I won't get into it.

I was kinda wanting Keith to come down after his game but he said he was going out w/ his brother, so I was like, oh *sad puppy dog face* . but then I remembered that Tim needs to go out and have fun waaayyy more than I need to sit around w/ Keith. plus Keith's game doesn't start til 7 and he would be way too tired to drive down here. and this way I don't have to actually finish cleaning until tomorrow. I cleaned some but I barely made a dent. I am sooo tired today cuz I couldn't sleep last night. I stayed up and watched poker. It was pretty cool. I want to learn how to play texas hold 'em now

Well today is my birthday as you all know. and here's what I did.

I woke up at 10 am (after 11 hours of sleep) from Kenny calling but I didn't answer cuz I was gonna just go back to sleep. Well after I got up my wonderful grandma called and I heard her on the other end saying to my step-grandpa, "I hope she's not still sleeping." cuz my family still thinks I am the teenager that doesn't get up until 3pm. So if I get up at like 10 my SG says OH..MY....GOD lol. it's really annoying. lol. but anyway then I say "Hello" and she says really loudly cuz she's excited, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUNKIN!!!" it was so sweet. It's still making me smile. I kinda wish I was home today. But then again I wish for alot of things today. Then I get online and about 1 or 2 I realize I don't have anything to do on my birthday so I post a very pathetic ad on craig's list for someone to play soccer or tennis w/ me and yes because I am pathetic and really wanted someone to spend today w/ I put on there that it was my birthday. *hanging my head in shame* lol. blatant call for attention? I think so. So I got a ton of people responding to that, and after spending 3 hours emailing people back I found someone to play tennis w/ and Ross called me and asked if I wanted him to make me a steak dinner!(huh?! where do I sign up. mmmm meat. lol) so he went w/ me to meet Casey, the guy I played tennis w/ so I wouldn't have to meet a strange guy all by myself and he was worried about me, so he sat there and watched us play for a whole hour cuz he couldn't run. And Casey was very nice and we, well I, had lots of fun. I suck so Casey had an extremely good work out chasing the balls...ooops. he was a good sport about it. I am glad at the last minute I added tennis.

Now the great part of the day. lol. Oh wait back the trolly up. I forgot to mention after breakfast I went and got coldstone's birthday cake remix. and I sat in the corner all by myself w/ one tiny little candle while I sadly sang happy birthday to myself w/ a single tear streamin..... jk about the candle and singing and sitting in the corner....maybe....lol. OK so back to what happend after tennis. Ross, who is beyond awesome, made me a steak dinner, w/ baked potatoes and asparagus (I haven't had aspargus in forever cuz no one else likes it) let me tell you. this was AWESOME!!! The steak was awesome, no steak sauce needed, mmm just meat. i even liked the seasoning :-0! lol. The baked potatoe was PERFECT!!!! mushy, and it had, sourcream, and crispy bacon (the only kind). OH...MY....GOD! just call me a fat bastard and move on. lol. I felt bad for Jamie cuz he didn't get any. I hung out w/ him while Ross was cooking the food and talking to his wife. We had fun. He cracks me up. And then we watched madd tv and ross rubbed my back where it hurt really really bad from playing tennis, even though I barely ran at all cuz Casey was good and hit all the balls right to me, actually the only running I did was to run and hit the ball again when it didnt go over the net when I hit it the first time (it's been over a yr since I played and I was fat the last time and everytime actually so cut me some slack. lol) so anyway it still hurt lugging my chest around. nice, huh. anyway, Then after I already wanted to pass out, we went and....wait........ for....... it....... got coldstones again!!! lol. mmmmmmmmmm. can you hear me getting fatter? lol. well fat. and now I am home about to fall asleep.

My Aunt who I love sooo much, and who looks like Reba McEntire, and is just awesome, didn't even call me or email me today. :-(

So other than complete strangers I got 1 birthday call from my grams, 1 from Kenny, and 1 from Ross. Keith did call me at like 11 something but I wasnt home and didn't hear the cell.

Oh and there's a whole little story about Kenny but I don't want to talk about him right now, I want to talk about me. lol as if I don't do that enough any other day. lol

I was already kinda bummed about today cuz it was the first day I wasn't gonna have someone make a big deal about my birthday, ya know my mom or my gram's or kyle. Ya know no one to say hey you are special and I know it, so let me make you feel special. I mean... I know I am special 365 days out of the yr. but it's nice when someone else thinks so too. lol. I'm sorry I am just sooo conceited. but really it's a good thing at least I think I am special. lol. oh well it is now midnight and this is the first time since I was 16 that I did not cry on my birthday. It doesn't matter if I felt like it or not, the point is I didnt. and now it doesnt count so I can cry all I want :-P but anyway. I want to say thank you to everyone who sent me emails, and to George who sent me a great ecard from yahoo. it was so00 sweet, i read it twice and will probably go back and read it again before bed! and to Ross who treated me great all night, and who treats me good all the time, but this time I got presents. lol. :-D lol I am rotten. and to all my other friends, I know you didnt mean to not call me on my birthday or make a big deal out of it, the phone's where down across the midwest today (that had to have been it...right) and I am sure you wanted to come see me but your cars just all happened to break down.... and public transportation of course wasn't running since my birthday is a nationally recognized holiday and all.......*looking accusingly at you* ok enough making people feel guilty....at least until they actually call. lol. jk....maybe. but anyway. I had a pretty awesome birthday. now I am going to bed and having sweet dreams of steaks and baked potatoes.

I just wanted to let my "friends" who couldnt even pick up the phone and call me to wish me a happy birthday,know that it's ok, Ross is making me a steak dinner, cuz he cares about me and is thoughtful, and I spent all day talking to complete strangers that are now my friends because they cared about someone's feelings that they didnt even know, enough to email her on her birthday. and I am about to go play tennis w/ someone else that I don't know yet. but maybe tomorrow when it's not my birthday I will feel a little less like the kid picked last for dodgeball by her own "friends" and be willing to forgive you... if you all ask nicely. (and yes by now you should be feeling extremely guilty and ready to grovel and tell me how much you really do love me and how sorry you are)

well i spent all day working on my template, and thanks to George I have a song on here now, and I got the cool fade out thing. So I am done working on it for awhile. Now maybe I will work on my webpage, but I don't know.

oh and just to clear it up about earlier, I was more mad at myself for having the conversation not mad at Keith, I told him he can read my archives, he has the password to all my stuff anyway. I don't know I guess we are 2 steps back now anyway.

He said his daughter was asking about me, and she thought the pic on the template was me. lol so obviously she doesnt actually remember me, she just knows there's a woman who plays w/ her at the park and she answers to weesha. but really it could be anyone lol.

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!

hmmm where to begin?

English was pretty cool last night. It was really fun and went by really fast. We read Letter from a Birmingham Jail and I Have A Dream for class last night.

Went to dinner w/ Kenny cuz he was taking me out for my birthday. It was yummy, we went out to maggiano's and had calamarie and porkchops and garlic mashed potatoes. mmmmm.

Keith was here when I got back. I walked in and I saw he was on my computer looking through the archives of my yahoo messenger. normally i dont care, I dont have anything to hide. but there was a conversation I had on there that I didnt want keith to see, it wasn't bad but if I saw that on his I would feel kinda bad, so it made me a little mad, cuz I was already wishing I hadn't had that conversation cuz it really didnt matter and I should have just kept my mouth shut. but anyway, plus it made me a little mad cuz it's like why does he have to spy on me? I want to be w/ him, he wants the break!! which I would have reminded him again but I have told him a thousand times that i want to be with him and I am just sick of hearing myself repeat it. so I don't know I guess I wouldn't have cared if that one conversation wasnt on there, but it was, but I dont know why I should feel bad about it, snoopers get what they snoop for. I guess I feel bad cuz 1 like I said I would take it the wrong way, cuz it was on the im and so you dont know how someone really meant something, 2 our relationship is already up in the air and i don't want to have something I did or said that didnt even mean anything and was pointless hurt it any more. 3 I don't like hurting keith's feelings. but anyway. so he was sitting there looking all sexy. and ya know what, I even got some compliments :-D. It made me happy cuz I know he is doing it to make me happy. ya know. I feel stupid for asking him to compliment me more. cuz it wasnt the problem that he didnt compliment me, I was just trying to give him a solution to the problem that I didnt feel he wanted me. and that was the first thing I thought of. but anyway, I was happy that he complimented me. it made me feel special. I mean, I dont know that makes me sound vain and superficial, but I mean, I just wanted to know that he likes me, not just physically either though. ya know. cut me some slack I am only 21 (well for another day!) and sometimes I am still immature and selfconscious, and feel weird in my own skin. but anyway

still trying to figure out how to put a song on here, I think I am just gonna put a button so yall can listen if you want but you dont have to. at least after the first week or so.

I feel bad. I think I am petty and immature. at least when it comes to keith. I mean about some things. I try to be understanding but there's a fine line between understanding and being a doormat. I don't know how much I should take and when enough is enough and I don't know if he is just fucking w/ me or he means it. I mean when he tells me I believe him but then I hear people telling me he's just saying that and he is just dragging you around and sometimes I feel that way w/o anyone saying it. well anyway, I am in kind of a crummy mood. I shouldnt be. I should be in an awesome mood. I just want to cry. or at least sulk. lol. I need some new topics of conversation. or well monologue.

seriously this sucks, I can't sleep at all. I have no idea how I am gonna stay awake in class. hmm if only I liked coffee. maybe i will stop at osco and get some sugar. lol.. mmmm chocolate......

this made me sad.





I finally fixed my blog. Although I still don't know exactly how to put a song on it yet, but I got the code from here, cuz she was nice enough to help me out w/ it. but I had messed up my blog but I actually did something really smart, well for me it was really smart for anyone else it would have been a no brainer. But see when I am doing something and getting excited about the outcome my mind is going a mile a minute and I don't exactly think ahead, but anyway, after I fixed my template and made it just the way I wanted it, (now here it is are you ready?!) I SAVED IT! lol. well after I fucked my template (oh I got the template from here), I was like damn I spent so long on that and now I have to find it and start all over, so I was pretty sad, but then I remembered I saved it. damn I am good. lol. alright enough of this

I have alot to do today. but no energy to do it. I hate that I am tired all day but then when I lay down I am wide awake!!

I need to clean and do my dishes, cuz I really need to, and I need to start a new drawing and finish my one for my art lesson, I also need to do my English. I need to work out (to a tape, so fun), and I need take a shower and get ready before I go to school for dinner w/ Kenny after school. And I am hoping I can take a nap. I am really motivated to do stuff today but I have no energy. I think after I am done w/ my laundry I am gonna try to take a nap and then hopefully I will be able to do everything I want to do. Well maybe not the art stuff. since that is just a hobby, but definitely clean and do my english. I need a footstool so I can try to sleep in my chair.

well i am up and bored. i am talking to kenny on the im. he is saying that when he read my blog all i did was talk about meaningless shit. and it's funny cuz it's true. lol. he is also saying i like to give off the impression that i am slutty and a freak in bed, but i am not. lol. LOL. first of all i am not slutty nor do i give off that impression. most people think i am innocent. as a matter of fact i have been called that many times. now the freak part, i have never tried to put that image out there either, but people have called me that too. well ok one person has called me that, cuz he is the only person who knows just how i like it lol. although ross did say i was kinky (just from our conversations). i like my good girl image, i like that parents like me and that my gram's still thinks i am a little girl (as long as i dont have to live w/ her) but seriously kenny was saying that he read my blog and it just said i let keith do all the work and it was the same old me. lol. i wanted to die laughing cuz I dont put hardly anything i do on here (and i was remembering the time he was refering too and.... nevermind,) lol. i am too shy to put anything on here. well i am not really that kinky, that makes me sound really kinky. and I am not. i promise, i am a good girl. but anyway. it's 2 in the morning and i think i might be able to sleep now. maybe........

oh I just wanted to mention that that stuff about Keith was not meant to be bitchy, I was just listing facts and what not. so I wasn't bitching just saying how it is.

I went in borders twice today, looking for Melissa and I didnt buy anything!! and I had cash in my pocket!!! talk about self control! damn I should join the army. lol. not really though. But I am impressed w/ myself. And I went to osco and walgreens and did not buy one magazine. wow.

I am pretty disappointed in my psych class. The way the teacher talks is so boring, and so hard to follow along. So the class I took for fun, is turning out to be the class I am gonna have a hard time going to and vice versa. But the exam is gonna be on the text and the text is actually interesting so that's good. and I will be able to zone out during the class.

I need someone around here who likes to kick the ball around so I can get some more exercise. since i do have a soccer ball.

I am sooo tired. I didn't even go to pilates, I almost didnt get up for class and I dont have to start getting ready for class til freakin 930. at the earliest. I think I am gonna take a nap. hmm or watch dr. phil. probably nap though.

oh I forgot to mention. Keith called me last night. I was shocked. I don't think he has called me in 2 weeks. and he said he was gonna be on the im later and actually was. He asked if the girl I walk home w/ is my girlfriend. it's like dude I make out w/ some girls back in february and all of a sudden I am a flammin lesbian. all though there is nothing wrong w/ that, I'm just not and he already asks if every guy I talk to is my boyfriend so now I have to hear about the girls too?! and he was like have you moved on yet. and I said no not yet. I mean it's not like he is giving me any reason not to. He obviously never thinks about me, or at least he never shows me that he does, and he has even said he never thinks about me when he is at work and he is always working, I mean he can't even spare 5 minutes in his day just to say hi, how shady is that? he never wants to see me, he doesnt have time to see me, and he is always saying how we want different things in life and he acts like I make his life so hard, and so everytime he says something like that it makes me think he is hoping I have. I don't know. It's just getting old. I am so confused and sick of having to guess, if he wants to be w/ me then he needs to show it and tell me cuz I am tired of guessing and unless he says otherwise I am gonna have to assume that we are going to be ending prettty soon. or else I am gonna keep having anxiety wondering what is going on. and if he wants to be w/ me and blah blah blah he says he can't handle fighting all the time well I can't handle being dragged around like a damn dog (see the last couple weeks for example). I am just to the point where ok if you have time to see me fine, but until then I am doing what I want when I want and if I am busy when you get time then I am busy. enough about that I need to take a nap and since I haven't spent this much time thinking about "me and keith" in the last week well it's just exhausting now. and besides it's time for dr. phil. lol

I thought this was kinda interesting, unfortunately I don't remember where I got it from. So if this was on your blog let me know and I will refrence you. It's basically Shrub being an ass, but he is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic and it shows him drinking in like 96 I think. anyway, it gives the yr and stuff.

In english we learned some interesting things, really I guess it was supposed to be boring stuff but to me it was pretty interesting. We basically learned the foundation of an arguement. That an arguement (which in this case is convincing someone to believe or act the way you want them to, not the colloquial defenition which is fighting [can i be any more of a show off? lol]) but basically an arguement needs three parts, the claim, support and a warrant. the claim is what the speaker is trying to prove, the support is obviously what supports the claim, and the warrant is what people need to believe in order to agree w/ the speaker or to believe the arguement. like in order to believe that all mothers should have custody of their children the audience needs to believe that all mothers love their children. Hey I have said that I am a nerd so you really shouldn't be surprised.

Walked home w/ Jen again. She cracks me up.

Kenny is gonna give me some clothes. I am so happy, all I have are crappy stuff. not that Kenny's will be much better cuz it will all be t-shirts but they will fit better than the ones I have now and beggar's can't be choosers.

I think I am going to go to bed early cuz I am pretty beat and I do have to get up for pilates tomorrow. Although right now I am not feeling it.

Just dropped the bro off at the train station and talked to my favorite girl. :-D yes that's you Marisa. lol. sorry I am tired therefore crazy and can not be held responsible for the things that are coming out of my mouth, or hands. anyway

so now that my apartment is mine again I can be naked and nakeyland (otherwise known as my apartment and I also plan on taking over the world and expanding my empire that is nakeyland but shhh) can return to it's regularly scheduled program. it's so nice. (sorry I know you didnt want that visual Marisa, maybe you should have skipped this paragraph. lol) but seriously I have been feeling very inhibited w/o any privacy.

On the way home I was listening to NIN I want to fuck you like an animal and the bloodhoundgang's bad touch. great songs.

I am procrastinating about getting in the shower. I am sooo sleepy. maybe I should take a nap.........noooo that would be bad. I think this calls for Britney Spears all the way to school. oh no, better yet.... lol. oh this is bad, the happiest girl in the whole USA by Donna Fargo. no cuz i will have to sing that one out loud and then people will stare. lol. anyway enough of this crazy talk. I am in a pretty good mood for being so tired.

Last night me and Johnny were going to go and check out this condo, but we didnt make it there, there were a few bus mishaps, all my fault, and I asked the guy what kind of neighborhood the place was in, and he was like oh it's awesome I love it. Well that was a fucking lie. We got to the neighborhood of where this place was and it sucked. There we trashcans dumped everywhere and shopping carts laying all over the sidewalk and it just looked like a dump. So after the 3rd bus mishap we said fuck it and went to eat. On our way to a place for food we were walking under the el, and just as a train went by something hit Johnny's shoulder and he grabbed his shoulder and acted like he was about to fall down, he was like what the hell was that. lol. It was funny at the time cuz I told him I thought he was shot and I was gonna take off running. lol. It was like 930 and there was no one else (and by no one I mean the streets were empty except the occasional other person) and the train just started going by so it would have been a good time for someone to shoot, but anyway. Trust me we laughed (and by we I mean I, lol. JK).

We kicked the soccerball around yesterday for about 30 minutes. It was fun, but very tiring. We spent about 10 minutes on breaks I think. lol.

Talked to Keith yesterday he said he wants to come down sometime this week. I told him it would be nice if he did but if not don't worry about it. I wonder if him wanting to come down during the week means he doesn't want to hang out next weekend? Not a big deal but I would like to know.

Kenny was saying that he should move in w/ me. And then he said that if he did he would fall in love w/ me again and have to kick Keith's ass for not treating me right. Don't know why I mentioned this, it was kinda weird that Kenny was saying he would fall in love w/ me again. The last few days he has been like, I would have taken a bullet for you. Maybe he is feeling lonely? I don't know. Anyway

Johnny is leaving tonight and I have english. I am glad I did not have any homework in english cuz I did not know Johnny was staying until today, I thought he was only going to stay until Monday. So we have to walk to the train station, and I have to walk back and then I have to walk to school. This is gonna be fun. Dang I just realized we didn't play Johnny's dirty minds game. That sucks but oh well.

I need to work on my resume.

oh my lord we walked around forever yesterday!! Johnny wanted to go to a headshop so we walked up to 2570 north Lincoln and the shop wasnt there anymore, and then we walked over and down to the zoo, and walked around there for a bit, and then back home, luckily the zoo is really close to my apartment.

Then we walked up to coldstones and then over to the bookstore. I got the cherry loves cheesecake, but i dont like their chocolate chips or fudge. but it was still decent, and Johnny got the rocky road. lol. out of all the flavors they have, but oh well. it was just funny.


well we are not moving. Johnny told the guy no and he said something had come up back home and the guy was like do you want to talk about it and Johnny said it's none of your business. lol. it was funny. but anyway that sucks because we were walking around lincoln park and all their 2 bedroom apartments in small crappy buildings were 1350-1900. and by crappy i mean crappy!!!

now i have to try and find something for me and johnny to do today. I think we might play soccer.

Who's the best brother ever?!!!

Johnny came up last night. He was hungry so I took him to Michael's. I was like so your gonna buy your sister a birthday dinner right? lol. I am awful I know. So I got some steak and eggs, yummy. Well I asked him to get me the "birthday dinner" before he gave me my present. So after he gave me my present I felt really bad. He gave me a freakin vacation!!!! I shit you not. I get to pick if I want 3 days 2 nights in florida or vegas. now I really want to go back to vegas, but I've never been to Florida. So I have the best little brother in the whole freakin world!!!!

We are getting ready to go check out the other apartment.

here is the xpress 101, seriously though the infomercial was better, basically cuz she made steak and eggs and potatoes, and I am soo wishing for some steak and eggs. yum

Talked to Keith for about 5 minutes yesterday. A little on the im and then I called him at like 130 in the morning cuz I was like what the hell. why not. Don't know if he was too happy but oh well. I went to coldstone's last night again w/ ross. it was bad. I got the birthday cake remix sans sprinkles and fudge, but it's the yellow cake batter icecream and the best brownie ever. mmmmmm and Ross got peanut butter icecream w/ a banana. it tasted just like a pb and banana sandwich. it was delicious.

Something interesting I learned from the psych book (essentials of psychology by benjamin lahey)-:
This guy named J. Henry Alston discovered that we feel cold when one kind of nerve ending in the skin is stimulated, and we feel warm when a different kind of nerve ending is stumulated. and (this is the interesting part) he found that we feel intense heat only when both the warm and cold receptors in the skin are stimulated at the same time. so extremely hot objects stimulate both the warm and cold receptors. so this guy took 2 pipes and twisted them together, one w/ cold and one w/ warm water. well when someone grabbed onto the pipes they felt intense heat. isnt that cool? it might just be me but i was like cool. but then again we do know how easily impressed i am. seriously though now i know why when i am running a bath or something for a little bit i cant tell if the water is hot or cold when it is really hot.

Ya know last night when I was talking to Keith, he was saying he was a little "sore"(sorry if that's tmi) but anyway. and he said "if that's any consellation" so I said, that doesnt make me feel better. but now that I think about it it does a little bit. lol. I am awful I know. But it's like for the last 2 months I have been dying in between times when we see each other and now that I am not feeling so bad, he is getting sore, I just find it a little bit funny. (mmm I want some more brownie and icecream) so anyway it's like ya know it's his own damn fault and I don't feel bad for him one bit. I mean he didnt give a shit when I was hurting and dying to get some. Plus he is the one who doesn't want to be around me so good it serves his ass right. but hey I'm not bitter. (yeah right) It just makes me mad that he would even try to make me feel bad cuz he is a little sore. He is so unfair. He can't be left hanging for more than 5 minutes, I get left hanging for 2 months (and counting) I am going crazy cuz I can't get any, it's ok, He gets a little sore and I am supposed to feel bad when it's his own damn fault. Like he couldnt have come down to see me last night. but i bet the thought never even entered his mind. so anyway i am hungry and getting cranky I better stop. lol

The little brother is supposed to come up tonight. YEA!

I might go work out today w/ Ross but I don't know yet.

I was watching an infomercial (cuz now that I have tv, i can do that) and there's this thing called express 101 (i will try to find a link in a sec) and I so want it. That and the george foreman grill (the one where the grill comes out for easy washing) would be so perfect for me and Johnny.
mmmmm fooooodddd.

class was awesome again!! it goes by really fast, and i actually learned alot. how about that. why can't all classes be like that? so anyway i felt stupid cuz i wrote down the instructions for the class wrong for this week. we had to read a story that Melissa sent us a link to in email. Well we were supposed to print it out, on the page were I wrote down the homework, I wrote the questions down, then I wrote print out, and then I wrote all homework must be typed. So instead of taking the nap that I really needed I wrote out the answers to the questions and typed them out. When all we had to do was think about it, and print out the article. So I did not have the article for class. I was like the only one, besides the people who weren't there.

The other girl from class that I couldn't remember her name, well her name is Jennifer (I think) well she is awesome, we rode the train home together and she is just kick ass. However she talks as much as me and Marisa, hopefully if we don't sit together during class that won't be a problem like it was in drafting for me and Marisa. lol who am i kidding. no but serious it is a good class, and small so I think Melissa would get seriously pissed if we were chatting all the time and I actually want to listen to what Melissa has to say. Funny how respect works like that. but anyway

This whole friends thing is so not as hard as I made it out to be. But then again there's alot more diversity here in Chitown. lol. sorry but that cracks me up, Michelle used to call it that. anyway. Back home everyone was the same and since I didnt like the way everyone was, well I didnt want to be friends with them. But I have lived here a whole yr. and in the last 2 months have like doubled my friends. At least. Actually mostly in the last 3 days. I should have gone to this college in the first place. Everyone is so nice.

I have no idea what's up w/ me and Keith.

Ross thinks I like sex so much cuz I have low self-esteem. Can't a girl just like to get laid. lol. That was bad but still I am serious. and then Kenny was like well I think before Keith you had great self-esteem but since you have been w/ Keith he has bowled it over (or something like that) Well isn't it up to me how I let people effect me. I mean if being w/ Keith has lowered myself esteem isnt that my fault. Not that Ross was blaming Keith. but anyway. I am all about self exploration and finding out what people think of me. but having to listen from kenny how I am always depressed and now having to listen to how I have no self esteem (which is true, but it wasnt just cuz i was fat, alot of it is, but not all. actually i think i have more now in some ways and less now in some ways than when i was skinny the first time) it doesnt help cuz now it's like well what the hell is good about me. I know low selfesteem is only one thing but I guess not having any it sucks that it is being pointed out. anyway dont know why I brought this up.

damn i am tired. tomorrow is MSC. I do not want to go. I am way too used to pilates and yoga. lol. light easy stuff. relaxing. tomorrow, not so much. tomorrow, i will want to die. but it's only for 45 minutes and it goes by fast. I can do it. It's what I need anyway. well i have to get to bed. It's weird that i am liking school so much and have met friends already. It took me and marisa like a couple weeks or something to talk. I guess this is a good sign.

ok i am in a much better mood now. sleepy but in a better mood. raymond from the gym says that my stomach is fat (hmm who would have thought a girl would appreciate that) i am not saying ross is wrong, cuz he is pretty good about stuff like that (he actually guessed my body fat percentage right. he's good at that) but i am just going to choose to believe raymond cuz well that's what i need to believe.

big pussy from the sopranos is on guiding light. crazy

i was up at 341 am with a tension headache but no headache now. that's good. i wasnt gonna go to yoga because i was thinking about all the downward dogs we were gonna have to do but i am glad i went cuz we didnt do one downward dog. we had a "restorative" class. it was nice. well i need to take a nap so i am not dragging ass today in class plus before class i have to read "a modest proposal" by jonathan swift.

well now i am in a pissy mood. i am feeling so sorry for myself it's stupid.
so today i found out there's a damn good chance i cant move, which has me seriously depressed already, not just that i cant move but because i am not going to get my money. cuz there's none to get. i miscalculated what yr it was. so i am fucked. also it's like, ok, if kenny thinks he has to do everything for me then who else thinks that. and apparently i say like all the time and didnt know it. (and yes that upsets me alot) and not to mention what i thought was fat on my stomach is apparently just skin that wont go away from when i was fat and my boobs have too much skin so i did all this fucking hardwork for nothing, and i should have just stayed fat cuz at least then i could imagine that one day i would look better but the only way i can look better now is surgery and even if i could afford it i wouldnt want it. so that is extremely disappointing. not to mention my stretch marks which i could live w/ but it's just another thing. and i am still pissed at kyle. which is very hard for me to admit. not because he dumped me. fine whatever. but i am pissed cuz he has someone who obviously wants to be w/ him and i am also jealous because he does have such a great family. (as long as you are actually a part of it)
and i am so pissed that my boobs suck. i mean unbelievably illogically pissed i mean i dont have anything good now. and i am pissed cuz i dont know what i fucking want out of life and i am pissed cuz i am making all these fucking mistakes and most people have parents to say hey you are fucking up (even if they dont listen) but i dont. i dont have anyone but my dr. to go to for advice, and i have to make a damn appointment and talk to him on the phone which i hate. and i feel like i cant do anything for myself. i feel like i am just a burden on everybody. i just feel so stupid and so out of place right now and just down in the dumps. like what the fuck is wrong w/ me.

well i am just having a great day. and now kenny is saying that he did everything for me when we went out and i asked him what exactly he did for me (cuz i wanted to hear this) and he said "it's not open for discussion" so i told him if he is gonna say something like that then he should be ready to back it up but whatever it didnt matter cuz it was just his opinion. and then of course he back tracked. i dont know whatever