well now i am in a pissy mood. i am feeling so sorry for myself it's stupid.
so today i found out there's a damn good chance i cant move, which has me seriously depressed already, not just that i cant move but because i am not going to get my money. cuz there's none to get. i miscalculated what yr it was. so i am fucked. also it's like, ok, if kenny thinks he has to do everything for me then who else thinks that. and apparently i say like all the time and didnt know it. (and yes that upsets me alot) and not to mention what i thought was fat on my stomach is apparently just skin that wont go away from when i was fat and my boobs have too much skin so i did all this fucking hardwork for nothing, and i should have just stayed fat cuz at least then i could imagine that one day i would look better but the only way i can look better now is surgery and even if i could afford it i wouldnt want it. so that is extremely disappointing. not to mention my stretch marks which i could live w/ but it's just another thing. and i am still pissed at kyle. which is very hard for me to admit. not because he dumped me. fine whatever. but i am pissed cuz he has someone who obviously wants to be w/ him and i am also jealous because he does have such a great family. (as long as you are actually a part of it)
and i am so pissed that my boobs suck. i mean unbelievably illogically pissed i mean i dont have anything good now. and i am pissed cuz i dont know what i fucking want out of life and i am pissed cuz i am making all these fucking mistakes and most people have parents to say hey you are fucking up (even if they dont listen) but i dont. i dont have anyone but my dr. to go to for advice, and i have to make a damn appointment and talk to him on the phone which i hate. and i feel like i cant do anything for myself. i feel like i am just a burden on everybody. i just feel so stupid and so out of place right now and just down in the dumps. like what the fuck is wrong w/ me.