Ohmilord I am in trouble!!!!!!! Ya know how before I mentioned that when I know something is a bad idea but I have to do it anyway? Well it's happening again. I have delayed the train wreck for now, but I don't know how much longer I can hold off. The worst part is I can't even say what it is!

Kenny emailed me out of the blue. I guess we are talking again, but I am not sure.

I stayed home from work today because I was sick. I feel like shit! I have to go tomorrow. Thank God Tuesday is payday!

I met Jamie's Grandma tonight. She is a smaller version of my Grandma, it's so weird. Not to mention his little cousin looks just like my little brother when he was that age. I am looking forward to going home this weekend and having a 5 hour car ride there and back w/ Jamie. Maybe at work I will think of some goofy things to ask him and talk about along the way.

This is funny. Well the part that says she left her home, husband, etc. Her husband was in Chicago w/ her. They were at the hotel's bar and the restaurant. Ha! Want an actress!

I want to play soccer so freakin bad!!! It's so nice out today. All day yesterday I worked on setting up my automatic bill pay, but today I didn't get to work on it much. It looks like by the 5th of August I will officially be out of debt (not counting school loans) Go me.

I saw a picture of my new nephew and he is sooo unbelievably cute! I am hoping that Cheryl will let Elizabeth come and see me over the summer. That would be pretty cool. She could come up on the weekend and hang out with me.

I guess it's a good thing that I can't go play soccer, I have to clean my room!

It's so freakin nice out today! I love it! I want to go play soccer but I am so damn tired, so instead I am laying in bed naked with the window open.

I spent most of my lunch and P.'s lunch putting half of my bills on automatic bill payment. I am so excited because in June Dr. A will be paid up and I can use that money for other bills.

It's official though P. likes me. She told L.1 today that she didn't want L.1 to send me off to train at another building because she wouldn't be able to have me there after the first. Well ok, maybe it's not certain that she likes me, but it is certain that she likes telling me to do all the crap she doesn't want to do. lol. Just kidding, but not really. I am very excited to start work at my new building on Friday!

Jamie surprised me last night and took me out to dinner. It was really sweet. He called me from work and told me that he wanted to take me out. We went to the new Dragonfly location and it was soooo good!! The hot and spicey wings were my second favorite thing there. They weren't really that hot and spicey. The crabrangoo was really good too, especially with the sauce from the wings. I had this sesame seed steak, it smelled like ass. Jamie said I could order something else, but I didn't want to send it back with out trying it. It didn't taste as bad as it smelled, although I wasn't exactly in love with it. Dessert more than made up for it though! A hot, moist piece of chocolate cake w/ 2 scoops of vanilla bean icecream. mmmmmmmmm I love food. How I am not a fat ass I will never know! Oh yes I will, I quit eating fast food 3 times a day and joined weight watchers. But anyway....

After I read Jamie's mean email I wrote back to him and then went to get some coldstones. I had just stopped thinking about the whole situation when I see a guy walking down the street with a very familiar gait. I think to myself, "my that sure does look like the way Jamie walks." Sure enough he is walking in front of me and since I naturally walk faster than him and he kept slowing down to look in the windows catching up to him is inevitable. I ask if he went to get his bike and he turns around with the crabbiest look on his face. So I mumble never mind and keep on walking. He gets home about a minute after I do and goes to his room. He reads my email and the only thing he says is "Well I guess we each have our own baggage, wanna watch the Illini game together?" LOL. Ohmigod! So this morning I call him on it, and say that he only made up with me to watch the game. He very sheepishly denies it and points out that he turned the volume down so we could talk. lol. He is so lucky that I needed to get a piece. The bad part was that I couldn't even get off!!! I was so pissed. My body is officially a traitor.

For awhile I was thinking that there must be something special about me and Jamie's relationship that allows us to communicate and disagree with one another with out being mean. I was wrong. I am slightly relieved to know that I was not the one to be mean, but I am still upset that it's happened.


I am so sick of being self-conscious and caring what people think and always thinking that there is something about me that is fucked up. I am the same as everyone else. I get pissy and I get defensive and I get hurt and I get sick and I get happy. I am tired of people judging me and my "friends" being so fucking negative about me. I love my friends for who they are and I just want to support them in what makes them happy, whether or not I see what they see (unless what makes them happy ends up hurting me) and I would like the same returned. It seems that everyone thinks that I have a sign hanging around my neck that says "Please tell me everything wrong with me"
I am sick of everyone pointing out all the shit that is wrong with me and them not seeing that they have shit wrong with them. I know there's shit wrong with me, that's why I don't go around rubbing other people's faults in their faces. It's not my damn business. I am too busy trying to fix my own problems!!!! I just wish I could have more supportive people in my life. The last few days I have been feeling jaded by a culture that is based on shopping and one upping everyone else. I guess lately I have been feeling like I need more community, more support, more fun and interaction with supportive people. I am tired of being around people who just want to be competitive and who always have hidden agendas.

If anyone knows how to stop giving a shit about what other people think please let me know, I seem to have forgotten.

So I found out this morning that Jamie is officially not talking to me. Why? I have no clue. He won't talk to me long enough to tell me anything other than it's because he's mad. Apparently he is telling me that much because I am a complete retard and couldn't have figured that out on my own. Thanks Honey. I think it has something to do w/ our discussion, however I have a feeling he was mad before that. Plus he brought up the discussion, I said that there was no need to talk about it and that I was fine. Frankly at that point he might have been looking for a reason to get mad at me.

I got to come in late to work today, which was pretty nice. After I get off I am going to work out and then head on over to my old apartment and pack some stuff up tonight and play with Willis. I think he is going to go and live with my Gram's until I get another apartment that allows pets, or my own house, whichever comes first.

I get to go into work tomorrow at 10! I am so excited. I am debating on whether or not I am going to go to Tango. I have been sick the last couple of days and I don't really feel like going. I guess I will see if Jamie wants to go.

Cheryl had her baby!!! Jamie and I are going down to see them next weekend. This weekend it looks like I am going to meet the rest of Jamie's family. I think I almost have him convinced to be a gypsy w/ me. lol. Unfortunately last night we had a "discussion" and it wasn't about being gypsies. Serious stuff blows. lol

HAHA

Back to the story of F1 and F2....

F2 called F1 and said she never had herpies, I never said who was who. I have more than 2 friends and I have more than 2 friends that have slept together. Plus I never came out and said it was herpies. It could have been AIDs, I don't know if people have break outs or flair ups w/ aids because I don't have it. It's alright. F1 emailed me to share the news. Woohoo. I don't care who he believes. However, considering she didn't tell him in the first place why the hell would she admit to it now after we all know she was going around sleeping with guys w/o telling them she had an STD that she knew about, AND she was encouraging them not to wear a condom "because they irritated her." Yeah, ok I'll believe her. I wouldn't just make shit up about someone no matter how much of a dumbass they are. I'm not like that. But anyway. None of it really matters to me any more, I cleared my conscience and told my friend something he needed to know for his health and if he doesn't want to believe me that's on him. Not a damn thing I can do to change his mind.

I have been feeling pretty over all bummed out today. I woke up feeling like shit and I thought that I was getting strep throat again. I called in to work and they still wanted me to come in. Being the very nice pushover that I am I said ok, but just until I went to the Dr's. I went and the Dr. luckily told me that I don't have strep, I have an ulcer on the back of my throat (which I mistaked for the white dots that are a symptom of strep) from a viral infection (why my glands are swollen) and that while it is contagious it's not as bad as strep. I decided that I was going home because I felt like shit and very tired from all the medicine I took. L. asked me to have the dr's office fax a letter telling me to go home and not go back to work until tomorrow. That got on my nerves because anyone else could call in sick and be faking and not come in. I was sick, they saw I was sick and I left to go to the Dr's and L. had an attitude because I wasn't feeling good and I went home. I found out yesterday that I am not the only one who thinks there's bullshit. Everyone hates the mandatory makeup rule (we feel that as long as we are hygenic and neat in appearance lipstick shouldn't be that big of a deal) and I found out they wouldn't hire this extremely pretty and very friendly girl because she was overweight. I was so pissed, that is flat out wrong. Not to mention the fact that 2 yrs ago I wouldn't have had a job if I applied there.

I went to see Estella (a friend from my awesome English class last semester) and she is pregnant!!!!
I got a cell phone today. Didn't really want to get one, but since I work 8-5 and I can't use the phone at the office to make calls this comes in handy.

I know why I really didn't want to go to work today. In the morning P. is running around like a chicken w/ her head cut off and it's very frustrating for me because she piles a lot of stuff on me w/o giving me full directions so later she comes back and tells me everything I did wrong like I should know that I wasn't supposed to do it that way. It's all right though because that way I stay busy. Plus by the afternoon she has calmed down somewhat and we work better together. It was just funny because this morning I didn't know why but I wanted to crawl back into bed so bad, and now I know.

Last night Jamie and I got my t.v. so I can finally start working out again! I missed working out so much.

A certain friend of mine, we'll call F1 is not talking to me because he said I am too drama and he doesn't need it. I said fine. I know there's drama in my life, I am 22. I don't like having my life feel like a roller coaster but for now it does. The only thing is, none of it involves F1. He said this after I told him there was no reason for him to blame me for his current situation. His current situation has to do w/ another friend we will just call F2. F1 and F2 slept together, they didn't use a condom (he almost never does and F2 said that she was allergic, although now it seems that she uses them more often after she ended up preggers and needed to fix that) Well F2 has a little STD that you can't get rid of. As soon as I found out I tried getting F2 to tell F1 but she wouldn't do it and said a bunch of stupid crap like "I will sue you if you tell him." I also tried getting her to make him wear a condom but apparently that didn't happen. I didn't find out about the STD until after they had sex a couple of times. I didn't tell F1 right after I found out because I was trying to get F2 to do the right thing, but she thinks that because she hasn't had an outbreak in over a year she doesn't have it any more. (Hello everyone knows you can't get rid of it!!) I just casually mentioned to F1 that from one friend to another he needed to get tested after I realized she was just gonna let him go around possibly spreading it around to other people if he does have it. He blames me for it, even though I didn't know before they had sex and I tried getting her to tell him. It's all a big mess and if blaming me helps him feel better then whatever. Shoot the messenger, just as long as he gets tested.

Random Thoughts in the Shower

One of the things that I have wanted to do for a few years is work my way around the world. Get on a plane with a back pack full of necessities and a laptop (you know I wouldn't be able to my computer behind) and just gypsy around, staying in one place only long enough to earn just enough money to move on to the next. That would be sweet! Plus I am obviously a gypsy at heart. Then I could write a memoir (or have someone else write it) about my misadventures cuz let's face it, it would be a bunch of misadventures. Ya know I should just learn to accept my klutziness and knack for doing stupid shit and roll with it. Why the hell not. lol it comes so naturally to me.

Someone in power trying to do good for their country and the rest of the world?! What are they thinking!!!? Don't they realize that they could use their power to control the world's oil resources? Or destroy national parks or get rid of the minimum wage to help out business!? Silly people they are wasting it! Who put the liberals in charge!? *sigh* No actually (if you couldn't tell that the earlier comments are dripping with sarcasm) that is pretty kick ass that the guy in Brazil is trying to fix his own damn country and he cares about people less fortunate than himself.

Went up to feed Willis and play with him a bit. On the way home Jamie and I stopped in to Starbucks and he got me the Genius Loves Company cd by Ray Charles. We got the special addition one w/ an extra cd in it. It's pretty awesome.

Ahhh the weekend

Spent the day finally watching The Godfather Part 2. Damn that movie is long! It was good though, I enjoyed it. Now I am cleaning my room so it is nice and tidy for the week. Tomorrow I am either going to a practice for tango or I am going to Ralph's concert. I don't know which it will be. I want to go to the concert, but Jamie wants to go to Tango.

I did some grocery shopping this morning and they will be deliverd tomorrow! I love Peapod!!! :-D

Jamie and I are going to go to my other apartment so I can take care of a few things and then I think I am going to spend the rest of the night reading.

I did have a rash!!!! I had an allergic reaction to something in my new pants! It hurt. Jamie had to rub benadryl on my butt! Twice!! It went all the way down my legs. My ass was on fire! lol. I have also been nauseous and cramping for the last 2 days, and today P. gave me some eucalyptus oil to rub on my stomach. Surprisingly enough it worked. I felt like shit, but by the end of the day I was in a pretty damn good mood. I even got paid! A whole days worth of work. I am waiting for Jamie to get off work so we can get my t.v. and then go get some grub.

I tried watching The Godfather part 2 last night but I passed out. I will try again sometime this weekend. It was pretty decent.

My job is going pretty good so far. The first day and today I was in the main office training on being a receptionist there. Tomorrow I am opening the office by myself and next week I will be filling in for the main receptionist all week while she is out on vacation. I was feeling pretty excited about this and thinking that I must kick some serious ass until I told Jamie and of course Jamie being Jamie he had to burst my bubble. He mentioned that they are probably just throwing it all on me because I am the peon and that they are giving the job of the General to the private. Thanks Jamie, I appreciate it, make me doubt myself right before I have to deal with more responsibilty in a job than I have had in a couple of years. Even then it was a only a tiny ass library that only about 50 people came into all day and I still worked a month before they let me open that up. Thanks.

I think I am getting a rash from the suit I bought yesterday.

I might have found a home for Willis!

I had a lot of fun at work today, being a receptionist kicks ass! I am busy all day! I hope that the building I go to for the customer service position is busy otherwise I might ask the boss if I can just stay at the office. The customer service job is about half the job of working at the hotel.

I have tango tonight!!!!

Today went pretty well. At first I thought "Damn, I am so glad I didn't get the administrative job because being a secretary sucks monkey balls." I quickly realized that it is not that bad and that I would probably like it after I actually got to do some things. I was busy all day and I didn't even need to look at the clock to see if it was almost time to leave. There's a lot to mention, however I got home late because of the meeting and then I had to run to the old apartment to get my social security card. It turns out that because I have an hour long lunch I won't get off work until 5. That kind of sucks, but oh well, what can ya do? I am pretty beat now though.

I love my ING direct account! Jamie thinks I am nuts because I can't get to my money right away, that was one of the reasons that I wanted that account (I'm a bit of an impulse buyer, lol), that and they have the highest interest rates for a savings acct and they take money automatically every month out of my checking and painlessly put it into my savings. My other bank also has a $6 per day charge if I go negative in my account so that gives me a huge incentive to keep very close check on my account balances. I am so proud of myself that I opened that ING Direct account!

Guess who's back among the working!!! I start tomorrow. I will find out after 4pm which job I get from Friday's interview, but I definitely have a job. The first job is for a customer service agent at a corporate building, I will get 2 Calvin Klein suits, one pant suit and one skirt, and I will be working with one other person, and a concierge or I will be working in the main office helping out the head of HR and filling in if someone calls off and I will get my own office/desk. For either one I start out at 25k which is more than what I was making, I get set hours and days (weekends off) I get benefits, I get an hour long lunch, and I get to sit down so I can wear nice shoes with my new suit! Of course everyone seems really nice, I will be working with all women, even the GM and property manager at the corporate building are women. Paul, one of the receptionists is the only guy I have met, I know there are more guys in the office there at the main building though, so if I work there I will be working with guys, but all my bosses are women. That is pretty cool. Ms. P, is really awesome, but I think she can be strict. However that could have just been the girl she was dealing with (she's a little slow, if she gets someone water she always gives them hot instead of cold, it's a bit odd) Ms. P. really seemed to like me, she said I had a job whether or not Mrs. C, (the GM) hired me or not. She seemed so excited to show me to the GM and PM, I couldn't believe how much she was wanting them to hire me. They had 2 other girls to look at this afternoon. Ms. P said that I will work great w/ L, the other customer service agent that they hired, and Mrs. C said that she couldn't imagine anyone else being more perfect for the job because of my hotel experience. I am really looking forward to those suits! I thought the job didn't open up until April 1st, but luckily I start tomorrow. That means by the time rent comes around I will be getting a paycheck. Yea! I am so excited! I had a nice week off, but I am definitely ready to get back to work and get a paycheck. Oh, and I will be working very close to where I was working at the hotel, so still close enough to walk to from home!

Horror

I was reading this article and wasn't surprised by the fact that teenage girls are the majority of people seeing horror movies. I love horror movies!!! I am really bummed right now because I don't know any one that I can go see them with. Unfortunately there haven't been very many good horror movies lately. The Ring sucked, it grossed me out more than scared me. I liked Signs, but it didn't scare me. I admit that I am behind on seeing the most recent horror movies because of the aforementioned lack of anyone to see them with. Suspense and horror are the most entertaining movies for me because I really get transfixed when I watch them, I can't look away. There are some tv shows that get me hooked (The Soprano's, CSI) but lately horror movies suck. I hope that new resurgent of horror films proves to be as good as it sounds

I don't usually reread my posts, but I decided to check a few of them out earlier and I saw that I repeat myself alot. Dammit, I am turning into my Gram's. That's no good.

I went out to the suburbs w/ Jamie today. We visited his brother and his brother's girlfriend. They are both pretty cool. Jamie started feeling really sick an d I hav a feeling he passed it on to me.

Tomorrow I have to unpack and organize my room. I could do it now, but I think I am going to play the sims for about half an hour and then pass out. Jamie wants to go and get his car back tomorrow, but I don't think I want to go with him. We will see tomorrow.

Cold-hearted bitch

Marisa was there tonight w/ another guy from the hotel when Jamie and I got there. I think she thought that I was going to be over it by the time she came back. She was wrong. She told me I was abusive because I said "fuck you" to her the other day. She said that "you don't say that to people you love." I told her she was right, I used to love her, but then she lied to me. Her and Keith are the only 2 people that I loved that I have said fuck you to when I was angry. With Keith I immediately regretted it and still feel like shit for saying that to him. Her, I just don't care. Jamie said that she doesn't realize that she is lying to me because people who aren't honest with themselves can't be honest with other people. That's all fine and dandy, but I know when I am lying to someone. Plus I am not the kind of person to take a relationship lightly and just say screw it just because someone pissed me off or I think that they might have done something. Look at Kyle, look at Keith, everyone was telling me both times that they were treating me like shit, but no matter what someone does to me the hardest thing for me to do is get that person out of my life. (I would still be friends w/ Kyle if it wasn't for his new girlfriend, and I would be friends w/ Keith except now he doesn't want to talk to me and I was so mad and hurt that I couldn't talk to him w/o getting extremely angry and why put either one of us through that.) All she would have had to do was admit that she was lying and say she was sorry and we could still be friends, I wouldn't trust her, but it wouldn't be like it is now. She doesn't believe me that I know for a fact that she is lying, and therefore won't fess up. I would not kick someone out of my life if I wasn't 100% sure they were lying. She also tried saying that she didn't have Richard over the time Jamie went to pick up my shoes. Jamie said that she asked him not to say anything to me. I asked her if she wanted to call him a liar to his face, but she just kept saying that someone was probably dropping her off. There's a difference between someone dropping her off and being in the apartment. She also tried saying that I just want her there to sit on the couch and be quiet and that she is not allowed to have friends. I couldn't give a flying monkey's fat ass if she has friends or not, I just don't want a different guy coming into our shared space every week. She knew that before she moved in. It wasn't news to her. She also tried to tell me I have to give her half of the money for March's rent back because she is moving out early. She said it's because I gave her no choice but to move. I offered more than once to leave stuff there so she wouldn't be sitting there w/ nothing to do. I told her when I first started thinking about moving that she could have the place to herself and that I was going to move out slowly, that I was going to take the 2 months time to pack everything up. She also said she is moving out early because she didn't want our relationship to get to the point that it's at now, and that I am mad because she didn't lend me money, and I am taking out getting fired on her. No, No, and No. We are where we are because she lied to my face, I asked her to pay next month's rent early and she said no, that was the end of it, I didn't get mad until.... she lied to my face, and I don't care about getting fired any more, I am going to have a job that pays more, gives me weekends off and a set schedule. I am not friends with her because (everybody now) she lied to my face! Not to mention the pure disrespect of my space and the fact that when I did care about being fired all she cared about was chatting on the phone when I needed it. Where's the support in that? Where was the support on the day I got fired when I had to listen to all the guys that she thinks wants her? Oh well. I am done, and she can ask me for her money back until she is blue in the face. It was funny because she said that was money I wouldn't be using now. Excuse me? I had to pay rent, plus I guess she forgot I don't have a second source of income, where does she want this money to come from? Unfortunately I can't pull it out of my ass. I wish I could, but no. Maybe that flying monkey has some. I also told her in the letter I left her that I was taking the phone if she didn't pay for last month's rent. She tried saying that she didn't have it. I started to take the phone. She kept saying that I should leave it because of her daughter. I told her that if she paid me the money I would give her half back when she turned in her keys. I shouldn't even have been that generous with her, considering the money is for last month's phone bill and not this month's. She tried telling me to take it out of the rent. People think that I am always nice and that I have no back bone and I won't be a bitch. They are partly right. I am always nice unless I have to be a bitch, which is rare, so it comes as a shock to people when they see me being a cold-hearted bitch. Believe me, tonight I was just that.

2nd interview, 2nd job offer, 2nd time it is not for the job that I applied for. I think someone is trying to tell me something. I spent 2 hours taking tests today: spelling, typing, Excel, Word, word association all to be offered a job in customer service. Hey, I will take what I can get. On Monday I have to go back down to the same place so they can show me around and so I can have another interview w/ the building managers who have the final say. I don't know if I am going to take this job, I have to wait until Monday before I can make a decision. Although it will be pretty much the same thing I was doing at the hotel, but I get to sit down and it's for $12/hour. That's $0.67 more than at the hotel. I am going to call the place I went to yesterday today and tell them I am not interested in the marketing job, but I am still interested in the receptionist position. They will proceed to tell me to fuck off, and the rest will be history.

Time to check Craigslist again.................

I got offered a job at my interview today. The weird thing was that it was for a marketing position and not the receptionist job I applied for. I told the guy that I couldn't close sales when I worked at Vector but he was dead set on me getting that job. I told him that I would feel more comfortable with the job that I applied for based on my experience now and that I don't know if I would be able to do it after training. Plus the marketing job is based on commision. He wanted me to come in tomorrow and stay there all day shadowing someone, but I have another interview tomorrow so I told him monday would be better. He asked me 3 different times if I was sure I couldn't clear out Friday's schedule. At the very least, if it's paid training I will do that until I can find a job that fits me better, and I will have something else to add to my resume. In the mean time I am going to keep looking of course. (*, have I thanked you enough for your help? I am beyond grateful)

I went to my place on Melrose and Broadway to get some more things last night, mainly my futon mattress. I saw that Marisa had taken the liberty of moving, and using my stuff. She is such an annoyance. I left a note asking her to please extend the same consideration to me (considering I don't touch or use her stuff) and that if the money for the phone bill is not there on Friday when I get there, the phone will be shut off, and that due to our last conversation I expect her to be out of my apartment by the end of the month. As in when I go there on the first her shit better be gone. I can and will call the police to have her removed, my name is on the lease and she will be trespassing. I could do that now considering she broke our verbal agreement and like I said her name is not on the lease, but I won't. I will just take all of my stuff out sooner than I thought I would and she can sit there for the rest of the month w/ nothing in the apartment because I don't want her messing with the stuff that I have there. I am going to see if I can sublease it for the last month of my lease, but that is probably going to be tricky. Oh well doesn't hurt to try.

Yea! I just got another email about my resume!

The maid came today! It's so nice to have a maid again. It's even better this time because I don't have to pay for her, she's included! I went into the bathroom and everything was organized and the dishes that I did last night were put away. Thank you Maria!

I didn't get nearly as much done today as I did yesterday, I feel like shit. I had a headache until about 10 minutes ago. I still went and did a couple of errands and a load of laundry and jotted down 20 different hotels to drop of my resume tomorrow. I also have my first interview set up tomorrow. It's for a marketing firm so at first I didn't even want to look at it because I am not good at marketing. I read the email and it said "Thank you for sending us your resume" so it must be for an admin. asst. position, plus it is only a few blocks from the apartment. The interview will be great practice. I hate interviews. I was talking to Ross for a little bit and he actually made me feel alot better about it, even if he didn't know he was. I'm excited about it, I thought I would have to wait at least a week before I got an interview.

I got so much done today. I couldn't sit still. I went to both my banks, the hotel for my last check, walked home, got some groceries, did 5 loads of laundry, a load of dishes, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, organized what little I have here, sent out at least 10 resumes (it was the most that I could today unfortunately) and played the sims. I am on fire. Actually I did not have nearly enough to do today. I was so bored. Tomorrow I am going to call around to all the hotels and see who's highering and make a list. Once Jamie prints out some of my resumes for me I will go around to all of them. I am sure there will be a few that are highering soon since summer is coming. I can always go to the restaurant down the road and be a cocktail waitress. I also figured out that I have enough money for both rent checks to clear, plus $300 to put in my savings account and enough for groceries for the next month. If I don't have a job by next month at least I will have that money for groceries and any unexpected bills that might come up. I am a genius, it must be that 3.7 highschool GPA LOL, right *? Alright time to do my art assignment.

I found out another time Marisa was a liar. She had Richard aka Swastika boy stay the night and Jamie saw him there. She is so full of herself, that she thought inviting me on a double date w/ them was being nice! Yeah because Richard was border line retarded and she only talks about herself, I can not believe she actually let me hang out w/ her. Thanks Marisa! I also liked the fact that after I got fired she couldn't stop talking about herself and all the guys she is dating to let me talk.

I was trying to make phone calls to the hotel all day to find out stuff, I needed to make a phone call to someone, but Marisa said that she needed to make one more call. This call was to a guy she went out w/. My phone call was for my job. Hmmm which can be done later? She called just to chat. That's it! Like that couldn't have waited? I am also sick of her reading my damn blog too, it's none of her business any more. She sat here and lied to my face and when I needed her help the most she is moving out. I needed a little bit of money just to make sure the check to Mike didn't bounce, which I am getting a check tomorrow from work, but it might not clear until the day after I deposite it, she wouldn't help me out, fine that's her decision, but I will remember it, like I said I won't be helping her out any more. (Hopefully that check takes a while to get to my bank. I really hope he doesn't use the same bank as me.) She sat there and told me I was ruining the relationship because I was pissed because she made that phone call and because I am pissed she is moving out. I am not the one lying to her, I don't guilt trip her by telling her she is ruining the friendship when she is mad at me. If she respected the fact that this is my space too, then maybe I wouldn't be mad at her so much, if she respected the fact that it's my shaving cream and if she uses the last she should buy more, (or toothpaste, or razor blades, or tampons) and wouldn't move my stuff that I use everyday that I already asked her not to move. She thinks it's just her place and that she should get to make the rules. No my name is on the lease, she is paying me rent, I make the rules. She also said I told her we didn't have to sign anything and not to worry about it. Bullshit I never said that, I brought it up that we should and she said ok. I should have followed through on it a little faster. Plus I didn't just spring this move on her, I told her I was thinking about it as soon as it first came up, I didn't even know for sure until I signed the lease and I made sure she had a place to go (here for 2 months and then to Ross') I would never have just left her w/o a place to go like she did her cousin. Oh well, what are you gonna do? Like I said about getting fired I have had worse happen. I was sick of having friends who I helped out, but left me high and dry when I needed it back in highschool, I sure as hell don't want to deal w/ it now. I am just glad to know what she really thinks of me. When we fight I don't attack her personally, I don't tell her she is acting like a child or anything like that. I told her she was lying to my face because she was. She said that she didn't tell me Willis was pissing every where because once I accused her bitching about Willis every day, which she does, but telling me that he is going to the bathroom every where is not bitching. Besides whenever I am here to clean out the litter box he never pisses on the floor. The only time he does it is when it's dirty, just like any other cat.

Off to look for more jobs, then I am going to get a few things packed so I can start moving tonight. I haven't decided if I am going to tango yet or not.

Oh I also talked to the GM at the hotel and he was saying that no one should ever unblock a room w/o a supervisors permission. That is not how it goes down at the front desk. I was told that I could take a room if I needed one, or if it didn't say do not unblock and I know it didn't. Later he was asked if he wanted it to be set up so that front desk agents can't unblock a room, only managers can, he thought it was already set up that way. If you don't even know what your front desk manager is doing and what his policies are and what's going on, why are you a GM? It's all a crock of shit and someone is just trying to cover their own asses, sucks for me.

Sending out resumes thanks to the help of Greg (mostly), Jamie, and Mike.....

So the saga continues.....

I don't qualify for unemployment, I am locked into the lease w/ Mike that I signed on Saturday and he already cashed the check, and Marisa, even though I got fired yesterday and still have to move, informed me that she is not going to stay here another month if I move, she is just going to move in w/ Ross. Thanks, thanks alot. Considering one of the reasons she moved here was "to help me out" and when I need it she fucking leaves, fine. I guess I should be more understanding since she obviously can't stand being alone, but that's just the bitch in me I guess. That's what I get for trying to help a friend out when I can. Never again, don't even think about asking.

Katisha called me today saying she talked to Sherry, Sherry denies changing her rate even though Sherry offered to do it, Sherry also said Toufik pre-blocked that room for the other guests. Toufik looked at the reservation when Katisha was checking in and even said something about her room. If Toufik blocked that room for an important guest he would have remembered, and Rachel told me she blocked the room. Someone is full of shit. It sounds like they all are. Sherry also said that there was another reason I was fired, well why didn't they mention that? It's all just utter bullshit.

I am going to start emailing my resume now.

Well today turned out to be interesting. I got to work and found out I was fired. I made a stupid mistake yesterday and paid for it today. Apparently a room was set aside for a group from our biggest clients, Katisha came to check in and wanted that room, I looked on the comments for the reservation for the big clients and it didn't say not to unblock the room so I gave it to Katisha. Rachel said it did say do not unblock because she put it in there. She also tried saying I changed Katisha's rate to a cheaper one, but I didn't. I am pretty sure I know who did, but I wasn't going to say anything. Since they don't know they tried saying I did it. I would never do that, that's flat out wrong no matter how you look at it, all I did was make a stupid mistake. On the bright side at least I get to go and enjoy such a beautiful day instead of being at work and who knows I am sure I will love my next job too. Worse things have happened

I had an interesting couple of days off. I went to a specialist for my frequent bathroom breaks and after an examination and talking to me for a little bit she tells me what I can do. One choice is a medication, the other is a physical therapist, who does vaginal massage. LOL. She said they would also stretch out my hips and all that.The scary part is, this "vaginal massuese" is a specialist. It's the only thing she does! How DO you get into that? My whole problem is because of one muscle that is tender and my hips need to be stretched and possibly a nerve in my back. I always get the goofy stuff. lol

I got the sims2 expansion pack on Wednesday! That game is awesome! The only problem is that my computer freezes up all the time. That makes me sad and angry. I just want to play for days at a time. Is that really so much to ask? lol.

I also got my hair cut! It looks cute, although I almost regretted getting it done when Paul said he liked it cuz now he could suck on my neck. *gag* *shiver* *dry heave*

I am working OT today, only 2 hours, and tomorrow I have to get up early to help Ross move. I can't wait until I can sleep in on Sunday, and tomorrow night I get to play the sims!!! That makes me excited.

My new online obsession is www.friendster.com. I have been on there awhile, but I never put my pic up and I didn't get into it, but Margo is on it and she got me hooked. I put my pic up today. I spent about 2 hours at work browsing profiles. I put my hotel group in there and searched by that, I found a few hot guys on there and pimped Sean out to them. lol, they were all gay. It was good clean fun. He was laughing at me the whole time.


Speaking of the hotel, Christina Applegate has been hanging around lately. She was at our restaurant and bar in the same night. I thought that was cool, I would like to meet her. Mr. Sebela talks to me all the time. He's is such a sweetheart.


There's a 90% chance I will be moving soon. I should just be committed to the insane asylum now and save myself alot of trouble. lol

I am so torn about moving into Ross' old room. I want to soo freakin bad. I miss having my own washer and dryer, I want to walk 30 minutes to work, I want my own dishwasher. But even I can't be that stupid and I know as soon as I say that I don't want that room I am going to wish I had taken it. The only way I could ever have this set up again is if I move in w/ people I don't know or wait 3 yrs for my own house. It really sucks because I would be spending the same amount of money that I am now. I'm pissed.

I am pretty excited. I am mailing off Keith's final payment tomorrow. That makes me happy. 1 bill down and an extra 150 a month for other bills. I found out that my bank deposited my check last night and my money is available today. Lucky me. So tomorrow before I go and buy The Sims2 expansion pack I am going to get my bills together instead of on Thursday.

I am not able to start my next art assignment today because I stayed at Jamie's again last night. It was shitty outside and Marisa wasn't going straight home and John left work early so I didn't have any one to go home w/. I called Jamie to see if he was in bed already cuz then I would have just gone home, but he was still at work (for 16 hours). I should have gotten up early and gone to Southwater Kitchen for breakfast and then bought my game. lol. It's sad how easily amused I am. MMMMM breakfast. I need to eat.