TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!
hmmm where to begin?
English was pretty cool last night. It was really fun and went by really fast. We read Letter from a Birmingham Jail and I Have A Dream for class last night.
Went to dinner w/ Kenny cuz he was taking me out for my birthday. It was yummy, we went out to maggiano's and had calamarie and porkchops and garlic mashed potatoes. mmmmm.
Keith was here when I got back. I walked in and I saw he was on my computer looking through the archives of my yahoo messenger. normally i dont care, I dont have anything to hide. but there was a conversation I had on there that I didnt want keith to see, it wasn't bad but if I saw that on his I would feel kinda bad, so it made me a little mad, cuz I was already wishing I hadn't had that conversation cuz it really didnt matter and I should have just kept my mouth shut. but anyway, plus it made me a little mad cuz it's like why does he have to spy on me? I want to be w/ him, he wants the break!! which I would have reminded him again but I have told him a thousand times that i want to be with him and I am just sick of hearing myself repeat it. so I don't know I guess I wouldn't have cared if that one conversation wasnt on there, but it was, but I dont know why I should feel bad about it, snoopers get what they snoop for. I guess I feel bad cuz 1 like I said I would take it the wrong way, cuz it was on the im and so you dont know how someone really meant something, 2 our relationship is already up in the air and i don't want to have something I did or said that didnt even mean anything and was pointless hurt it any more. 3 I don't like hurting keith's feelings. but anyway. so he was sitting there looking all sexy. and ya know what, I even got some compliments :-D. It made me happy cuz I know he is doing it to make me happy. ya know. I feel stupid for asking him to compliment me more. cuz it wasnt the problem that he didnt compliment me, I was just trying to give him a solution to the problem that I didnt feel he wanted me. and that was the first thing I thought of. but anyway, I was happy that he complimented me. it made me feel special. I mean, I dont know that makes me sound vain and superficial, but I mean, I just wanted to know that he likes me, not just physically either though. ya know. cut me some slack I am only 21 (well for another day!) and sometimes I am still immature and selfconscious, and feel weird in my own skin. but anyway
still trying to figure out how to put a song on here, I think I am just gonna put a button so yall can listen if you want but you dont have to. at least after the first week or so.
I feel bad. I think I am petty and immature. at least when it comes to keith. I mean about some things. I try to be understanding but there's a fine line between understanding and being a doormat. I don't know how much I should take and when enough is enough and I don't know if he is just fucking w/ me or he means it. I mean when he tells me I believe him but then I hear people telling me he's just saying that and he is just dragging you around and sometimes I feel that way w/o anyone saying it. well anyway, I am in kind of a crummy mood. I shouldnt be. I should be in an awesome mood. I just want to cry. or at least sulk. lol. I need some new topics of conversation. or well monologue.
English was pretty cool last night. It was really fun and went by really fast. We read Letter from a Birmingham Jail and I Have A Dream for class last night.
Went to dinner w/ Kenny cuz he was taking me out for my birthday. It was yummy, we went out to maggiano's and had calamarie and porkchops and garlic mashed potatoes. mmmmm.
Keith was here when I got back. I walked in and I saw he was on my computer looking through the archives of my yahoo messenger. normally i dont care, I dont have anything to hide. but there was a conversation I had on there that I didnt want keith to see, it wasn't bad but if I saw that on his I would feel kinda bad, so it made me a little mad, cuz I was already wishing I hadn't had that conversation cuz it really didnt matter and I should have just kept my mouth shut. but anyway, plus it made me a little mad cuz it's like why does he have to spy on me? I want to be w/ him, he wants the break!! which I would have reminded him again but I have told him a thousand times that i want to be with him and I am just sick of hearing myself repeat it. so I don't know I guess I wouldn't have cared if that one conversation wasnt on there, but it was, but I dont know why I should feel bad about it, snoopers get what they snoop for. I guess I feel bad cuz 1 like I said I would take it the wrong way, cuz it was on the im and so you dont know how someone really meant something, 2 our relationship is already up in the air and i don't want to have something I did or said that didnt even mean anything and was pointless hurt it any more. 3 I don't like hurting keith's feelings. but anyway. so he was sitting there looking all sexy. and ya know what, I even got some compliments :-D. It made me happy cuz I know he is doing it to make me happy. ya know. I feel stupid for asking him to compliment me more. cuz it wasnt the problem that he didnt compliment me, I was just trying to give him a solution to the problem that I didnt feel he wanted me. and that was the first thing I thought of. but anyway, I was happy that he complimented me. it made me feel special. I mean, I dont know that makes me sound vain and superficial, but I mean, I just wanted to know that he likes me, not just physically either though. ya know. cut me some slack I am only 21 (well for another day!) and sometimes I am still immature and selfconscious, and feel weird in my own skin. but anyway
still trying to figure out how to put a song on here, I think I am just gonna put a button so yall can listen if you want but you dont have to. at least after the first week or so.
I feel bad. I think I am petty and immature. at least when it comes to keith. I mean about some things. I try to be understanding but there's a fine line between understanding and being a doormat. I don't know how much I should take and when enough is enough and I don't know if he is just fucking w/ me or he means it. I mean when he tells me I believe him but then I hear people telling me he's just saying that and he is just dragging you around and sometimes I feel that way w/o anyone saying it. well anyway, I am in kind of a crummy mood. I shouldnt be. I should be in an awesome mood. I just want to cry. or at least sulk. lol. I need some new topics of conversation. or well monologue.
posted by :D at 11:49 AM
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