Excessive cursing from a lonely and tired girl

I swear my life must be pretty damn amusing to someone. I am so sick of people thinking that they can just tell me all this shit that's wrong w/ me. So what if I have a god damn fucking flaw! I am tired of finding something that is wrong w/ me (usually by a "friend" telling me something they don't like about me) and then reading every fucking book I can get my hands on to try and fix it or fretting over it to no end or running out and fixing it as soon as I fucking can

• overthinking
• anxiety
• not standing up for myself
• procrastinating
• being too messy
• not being focused
• being fat
• being too skinny
• not having my hair perfect
• not being responsible enough
• not wearing enough make-up
• wearing too much make-up
• having too many zits
• not having a good enough body
• being too sensitive
• not being sensitive enough

All of this is just bullshit opinions! I am tired of trying to be perfect. I am sick of worrying about my flaws and what's wrong with me. I guess that's the reason I stopped having friends along time ago, it's not because I wasn't good enough to be friends with, it's because I didn't want people to fucking constantly judge me. No fucking wonder I am so scared shitless of rejection!!!! EVERYONE FUCKING REJECTS ME. I am not good enough for anyone. No one on this god forsaken planet likes me just the way I am. Everyone has to chime in with their "how to improve Elisha tips" The only time someone tells me something nice about me is when they want something. I am not a fucking puppet. I am not clay for someone to come along and mold. Ya know what? I like to fucking complain. I like to bitch when someone pisses me off and if you don't like it then that's your problem, not mine. I don't need to go out and fix it. I don't need to jump when you say jump. Any time I have ever let anyone get close to me and shown the real me they automatically start tearing away at what they don't like. I can not name one person in my whole life who hasn't done that. Someone that I have trusted, that knew the real 3D me, and didn't do that. Well ya know what I LIKE ME! AS A MATTER OF FUCKING FACT I LOVE ME. I like that I lost 50 lbs no matter what my body looks like now, I like that I moved to Chicago all by myself, I like that I bounce back like a god damn super ball and I like that I don't let someone work me to the fucking bone if I am sick. I think I might even like that not everyone likes me. I don't want Hitler to fucking like me. I like that there is a shit load of stuff "wrong" with me. So what if I bitch about stuff. So what if I don't have the tits that a 22 yr old should have. So what if I don't live up to anyone else's standards but my own. So fuck everyone who thinks that I should change something about myself or that they have free reign to tell me what's wrong w/ me. If that's a little abusive I don't care because constantly telling someone that you "love" that something is wrong with them is pretty fucking abusive. Let's look at the bright side. At least I am not a serial killer, or a sociopath, or molesting little kids. I am just a 22 yr old girl who needs someone to actually care about her and for once just let her be. No wonder I have spent all these yrs w/ only one person at a time being close to. Any more and I would have felt as crazy as I do now. I would have been torn in so many directions. I do need to be a gypsy. Only staying long enough in one place to barely scratch the surface of the people there. Don't get me wrong. I like self-improvement and I like making myself a better person, but I need a damn break. The last almost 2 yrs have been about discovering who I am and trying to get my shit together. I am barely any closer to getting my shit together than I was 2 yrs ago. As a matter of fact in most cases I might be further away. Like my love life. What the fuck am I doing? But other places I am slightly better, working out, eating right, my money. (I said slightly) at least in those places I am no worse. The one resounding place that I know I am different....I just want to relax and be me. I don't want to fix any of my flaws right now. I want to take what I have and find a life that fits that, not find a me that fits someone else's life. I just want to be at peace with myself. I have always wanted peace w/in myself but I always thought that I had to change something about myself to get it. I do and I don't. What I have to change is my response to people telling my I need to change. I need to like myself just the way I am on the inside. Now why do I find the need to go and get a book to help me do this ;-D just kidding

P.S. I do like constructive critiscism, but like I said I need a break. Plus (and here's a hint) if you find yourself constructively critiscizing someone make sure you let them know the goodstuff about them too, that's why it's constructive and not just critiscism, good and bad (remember that people).