This morning I had a dream that I showed up to work (an office job, but I worked w/ all the same people) but I wore pin-stripe pants, and a big baggy orange sweatshirt and tennis shoes, I worked on the upper floor of this mall and it looked down over this payless shoe store that was going out of business. I ran down there before Dan could see me, and I was terrified that I would run into someone who would get me in trouble and then I would get fired. I tried to hurry but every time I grabbed a shoe it was too big, or they didn't match. Most were black, but this one guy started to help me so I asked him to just find me anything that matched and fit. Well he came back w/ these chunky knee high pink leather boots. I took them but when I went to put them on one was plain and the other was snake skin. It was a bad dream lol. My arms hurt so bad today from carrying that crap.

Last night I was feeling pretty bad about my body so I asked Kenny if I looked anorexic. I don't think I do, because first of all my body image is fucked up from when I was overweight, and now it's worse because I feel like I went from one shitty body to another, and that my body didn't live up to it's end of the bargain. (does it ever) but then I get comments from people that I shouldn't lose anymore weight, or that I am so skinny, or even that I look anorexic (it was from Gram's and my brother so they could just be worried that I am not eating) and then every time I eat at work someone has to make a comment. Usually I don't care but last night I just started feeling bummed out. So Kenny told me no, that I had a tummy so I didn't look anorexic. I said I know that's why I am confused because I see something in the mirror, but other people are telling me different and I really don't have a recent body image for reference because I have only had my picture taken a few times since I lost weight so my mind has yet to replace the fat image that is in my head. So after I tell him how confuse I am that I am getting conflicting info, he says "well Kurt said you looked saggy in that swimsuit in vegas, but I think you look perfect." Thanks Kenny, no help at all. lol. On a day to day basis I am not self-conscious about my body, because I know it looks better than it did, and because I am still in the process of fixing all the crap that I put my body through, however sometimes it really bums me out that I have already come so far and I am still not happy w/ what I see. I still don't have the body of a 22 yr old. and I am scared that I will work so hard at exercising and eating right and it won't work so I am not working at it as hard as I should be.

I got those crest premium whitening strips last night. I figure if these don't work I am just going to find a dentist and have him whiten my teeth for me. Damn I should have taken a before and after. lol. Well actually I have a few. Alright so anyway. Point of the post I am feeling kinda bummed about my body, but it's ok, I still look damn sexy. lol