Well my day off pretty much sucked...again. I woke up w/ a headache, but I have to say that excedrin tension headache is freaking awesome. I unpacked some and finally got a technician from SBC out to my apartment. I love SBC. I know most people hate them but I have had nothing but awesome service since I moved up here. Back home service sucked ass. They got some one out to my apartment today, even though I called this morning, and they gave me a four hour time table and I asked them if they could tell the guy to come as soon as possible because it was really important for my class that I get on the internet. They gave me between 12 and 4 and the guy was there at 12 on the dot. I was seriously impressed. And he was really nice and didn't mind that I was listening to the dixie chicks at the time. A rarity up here thats for sure. Although the DSL is disappointing me. They now say it's not going to be until the 25th that I get my DSL. If it is not turned on tomorrow I am calling up the phone people and letting them know because they told me 3 times that it will be up tomorrow.

Any way I laid in bed pretty much all day. I unpacked some but mostly I just laid in bed. I do not want tomorrow to come. I have been feeling panicky all day.

Ross has saved my ass yet again. I don't have the money for the cta so he is lending me his card so I can get to work and school.

I am not really liking who I am right now. I am so dependent on everyone else right now, especially Ross. I hate that I feel like I can't do anything. I am so used to being on my own and fending for myself but it seems like ever since I have been up here I have just let other people take the lead. I did want to be taken care of and I did want to just let someone else do all of the work, and while that still sounds nice, it's just not me. I don't know how to get back to being independent and that scares me. I want a partner not someone to do all the work. I wanted friends to lean on but not friends to carry me. I was talking to Ross earlier and I know that I owe him and Keith both alot. Not just money but everything and I guess Ross is feeling like I am just using him or something. Or maybe he thinks that I don't appreciate what he has done or maybe that I am not going to be there for him if he needs it. I am use to being the one that is always there for someone else and never having anyone there for me. I don't want anyone around me to feel that way, but it seems like everyone does. It's making me sick how much I have had to lean on Ross and everyone else. I am so sad right now. My general mood has been sad for the last week. What makes it worse is that I don't have a plan to fix anything. Because of my bank account now I don't have a plan to pay anyone back. I don't want to go to work but that's the only time that I can focus and get answers to other peoples problems and not constantly be reminded of my own, even if I am only destracted for 5 minutes at a time.

Our full time faculty is on strike. My English teacher is part-time, so I came to class, it really sucked cuz coming in for a part-time class I am still harrassed. I don't like crossing the picket line more than anyone else, but I have to think about myself. I don't want bigger classes or teachers working more for the same pay but I am not going to just skip my class when my teacher is expecting us and told us all multiple times to be at class. Plus at this point I have to come to class. It just sucks that these teachers are harrassing the students who just want to better themselves and do what it takes to make their lives better. It also sucks that the board is expecting them to work more for the same pay and bigger classes.