Another shitty day in the land of shitty days. I was up at about 7:30 and I am about to fall asleep now. I have an hour and a half til I have to go to work. I am sitting in Ross' office again because I still don't have the internet. I won't get my DSL now until the 25th. However Ross might hook me up w/ a dial up modem.

I talked to my dr. today. It helped some but I only got to talk to him for like half an hour. I constantly have this ball of panic sitting in my chest and it just keeps getting worse. My days off are pointless. All last week I was hoping my day off would give me some peace and it didn't so now I am hoping that maybe tomorrow I will start to feel better. I guess I won't actually feel better until either I do something about me and keith or he does something about it. My options are keeping going like I am or end it, because I can't make him want to talk to me or be around me. It just sucks cuz he is the one that is all about being honest and he won't talk to me about anything. And of course he obviously isn't in a hurry to get things sorted out and that makes me wonder how much he cares about me. It was in July when he wanted this break and the only reason we didn't break up was because he said he wanted me to be there for him. (his words) Well where is he when I need him. I know he is stressed now too, and I know that alot of it is my fault but since when does that mean we shouldn't talk. Part of me thinks that he met someone else. I just don't understand how anything else would cause him to just not want to talk to me any more. He knows how upset I am and that his not talking to me and they way he talked to me the last time we talked is just adding to everything, so the only thing I can think of is that he just doesn't care. What else is there to think? I don't know I guess from now on I will just be weary of any guy who says they care more about me as a friend, or that they hope we could always be friends. I am starting to agree w/ everyone who says that guys and girls can't be friends. I just don't understand how some people can go from caring about someone to not caring about them at all in such a short period of time. I guess that just means they never cared to begin w/ right? I don't know I am done thinking about it for now. I guess it doesnt really matter. The reasons are his problem, I have to deal w/the outcome, the reasons are interchangeable I guess.


I need some really REALLY good ideas on how to relax tomorrow. I mean serious relaxation and stress relief. If anyone knows of anything that could help please comment because I need some ideas. Something cheap and easy to get.

I am going to take a nap, I will probably post again later because I will be bored at work.