Alright well I am really bored. I went to sleep at 530 and then Marisa called and then my grams, who wanted to know if I got her halloween card. lol.

I was thinking when I was making supper that I just don't ever want to deal w/ guys again. EVER. But then when I was eating I was reading this blog about this guy who is dating 3 or more girls at once (long story) and he was talking about this one girl, saying she was everything he was looking for and all that. I remembered John was telling me how his girlfriend is his dream girl and I started crying because I want a guy like that. I want someone to talk about me like that or at least think of me like that. Most of it (the crying at least) was pmsing but still I do want that. I am such a romantic. There were 2 things that made me just fall head over heals for Keith, one I am not going to mention cuz it's dirty, ;-) although I might have mentioned it before, but (well I guess there were 3) on our second date I wore my favorite boots, and there was snow on the ground, well to cut the story short, he picked me up to put me in his truck so I wouldn't ruin the boots, to me that was so sweet and so thoughtful (mmm and manly) and then on our first date this guy came up to me and was in my face, and completely wasted well I automatically grabbed Keith's arm for protection and I have never done that w/ anyone else, I haven't felt such a sense of security since my mom died, there hasn't been anyone to protect me. I thought those 3 things showed me what kind of person he was, and how he would treat me, and those three things represent what I want in someone, fun and adventureous and good in bed, kind and thoughtful and caring, and someone who could make me feel safe and manly but still sweet and all that. (Anyway there's alot more things that I liked about him and that I want but those are the biggest I think.) But anyway, I know it hurts his feelings when I talk bad about him on here, but if I need to vent this is where I go, and he knows that, he looks for the times when I vent about him so he can have something to point to. I used to talk him up on here sooo much, but then stuff changed and I wasn't getting the same treatment returned. I wanted to be everything for him I guess, that might sound weird, but like I want to be sexy for him, and do sexy things, and I wanted to cook him dinner and do his laundry and all that for him (and you know how I hate to clean, but I wanted to do it for him, to make his life easier cuz it's so hectic) and I wanted to be there for him and do romantic things for him and I thought I would get to be romantic w/ him (which I hadn't been w/ any one else, or even wanted to be all those things for anyone else) but soon it seemed like he just didnt like it ya know, like he was just tolerating it for me. I don't mean really mushy stuff either (ok maybe some cuddling) but I mean touching him just to touch him, like my favorite thing he did was when we would lay in bed and watch tv, his foot would always be touching mine, it sounds weird, but I would never let Kyle anywhere near me w/ his feet, but when Keith touches me my heart jumps even if it's just our feet resting against each other and I was hoping that he would want to do the same kind of stuff in return. I don't know, see I am pmsing. uuuggghhh! I don't know I guess it could all go in a circle. He could probably say well you started bitching about me and all that. oh well I am not trying to pass the blame or anything, blame isn't important. I guess maybe I just need to get this off my chest a bit.