i came online with the purpose of bitching about keith on here. but then i got an email from kenny and now i am just tired. ok so yesterday, i was in such a good mood. i was so happy, i couldnt wait for keith to get home, i was in the shower and i thought of this excellent idea that i couldnt wait to share. i mean i figured there was something bogus about it. ya know like it probably wouldnt work but i was really looking forward to telling keith about it and finding out what was wrong with it with him or whatever. well he called and said that he was going to be a little late. so i thought that maybe half an hour so i was a little disappointed but still excited. well an hour and a half later he comes home and says like 2 words to me and then goes and does things that he needs to do. well obviously he wasnt having a good day. so i was going to wait til whatever he was done with what he had to do. well then him and matt went to home depot. and left me here again. so i was just like ok whatever. not really in a good mood any more. but he has to do what he needs to do. so then we go to this bar to eat and him and matt are talking about which girls are hot (but he cant say i am hot) and "the good old days" well i didnt really have much to add to that so i was watching the games they had on tv. well then aparently keith thinks i am ignoring him and laughing more at matt. (this from the guy who left me sitting there while he went to buy my friend a drink. but it's all good she was having a kinda crappy night) so anyway we get home and he is sitting there saying your snappy why are you so snappy. when i wasnt. like they would say stuff jokingly to me so then i would say something back but i was being snappy. if i was really snappy i wouldnt have laughed when they said i was being snappy i would have gotten even madder probably. cuz they said it every time i said something. so anyway. and then keith was like are you staying up (i assumed that he meant he was going to bed my bad.) and i was like no. so then he sits on the love seat and starts watching tv so i was like well i am going to bed and he doesnt say anything just stares at the tv. so i was like what. and he was like what what and i was like well i am going to bed. so i went to bed. and then because i was under the covers and up against the wall (my side of the bed) i was mad. and then it just exploded from there. dont ask me how. still dont know. i wasnt mad i wasnt in a great mood but whatever. i wasnt pissed at him. so then of course it was all my fault. because i was mad and wouldnt tell him why. hell i just wanted to get some. so anyway. then we are mad at eachother and he's like i am sick of fighting acting like i like it. and he's like great so now i am going to have a headache and a bad day tomorrow. blaming it all on me. and then he's like are you going to be stubborn about this. and it's like i wasnt even mad. and then he said something and i was like i'm not even mad any more (cuz by this time i had said what i was mad about and got if off my chest or whatever) so he just lays there and i am like are you mad and he's like well i am not happy. and i'm like well what do you want to say and i dont remember what really happened after that. but sometime during this we werent mad any more or what ever and i was laying up against him and he shifted so his shoulder was like laying on my face and his arm was on me and i thought he had started to turn over or what ever and since i didnt want his shoulder in my face i rolled over. well he was like why did you roll over and i just said you rolled over first well that started it again cuz he thought i was saying it like you started it. when i was just saying you rolled over so i didnt think it would be that big of a deal if i rolled over to get your shoulder out of my face. so later on he was like well you played the you rolled over first. so i was like i didnt want your shoulder in my face! well i guess i yelled it so he got pissed that i yelled at him and then he went to sleep. so now i am sure he is having a bad day and blaming it on me. this morning he was like is this how you are going to be all day. and it's like what asleep. i didnt say that. but it's like I am not even mad!!! but it's all my fault. i am the one who is going to decide to fight all day but i dont have a problem. and it's all my fault because even though i am not mad i am being stubborn about it all. well ya know what that to me is condesending i mean come on saying it is all up to me if i would just quit being stubborn. if i would stop starting fights for no reason, if i would stop acting a certain way it would all be good. it's all my problem. and he was saying last night that it seems i dont like anything about him! i love everything about him. but he is the one telling me i shouldnt be so stubborn and i shouldnt act this way and i shouldnt act that way. and it's like him and matt are always like she's nice and stupid (about certain girls) that makes her even hotter. and last night at the bar they were making fun of a guy cuz his wife "held the purse strings" and keith was like that aint how it is in my house. and it's like if i want to buy something i am going to buy it. like if it was a big purchase or whatever yeah i would talk it over but i would expect the same consideration. but if he really wanted something i wouldnt say no. ya know i wouldnt do something just to prove that i am in charge. now i am starting to feel like the damn dog. we basically have the same fucking life. he sits around and waits for matt to get home. i sit around and wait for keith to get home. matt feeds the dog keith feeds me. the dog waits for attention from matt and i wait for attention from keith. oh and i was trying to tell keith that i didnt think about matt like that and he was like well i wish that would make me feel better but i think your answer was just too deep. because i said that our personalities wouldnt mix or whatever. and i mean it's like ok i dont think matt is ugly or unattractive. and he's funny and really cool to hang out with but first of all i wasnt even interested like i wouldnt even have thought about it but keith made a big deal about how matt is always getting hit on at the bars and he doesnt. and then we were sitting here one day and he said something and i was like ohmigod i cant believe he said that. it was about his girlfriend or something and i just remember thinking that i wouldnt be able to put up with something like that. that is how i know our personalities dont match not cuz i sat here and thought about it all day. i think alot of our fights start from his insecurity. he is scared that i am going to be mad and not tell him. or that i am going to fuck kenny or think about being with matt or whatever. and then last night he was saying how normally he just runs around like he was last night and he wont have any time for me. and it's like well ya know i wouldnt mind going with you. (i didnt say that) but it's like. i dont want to be last on someones list. maybe if i had something to do then it wouldnt be so bad. but like yesterday i waited all day to see him and then it's like when we did spend time together he was in a pissy mood or we were fighting. i just need something to do. i dont want to spend all my time waiting for someone to get home. i am not saying that i dont love him or whatever i mean yesterday i was like wow we decided to officially be boyfriend and girlfriend and we havent had a fight the whole time i was here this time and i am still feeling so much for him even after we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend ya know it didnt go away. i am just frustrated because we cant get past these stupid fights. and do feel like a fucking dog. i feel if i have an idea or something to say it's not going i have to get passed the well she's a chic. i mean they act like they hate women sometimes. like if i say or do something, it's a chic thing. or i am moody. or something stupid like that. like i cant be stubborn or have pride cuz i am a chic. this is the down side to liking guys who are "manly" your not as good cuz your a chic.