goodness where to begin. i have so much to type but i really dont know where to start. first of all the money that i am going to be getting. ok. in april and sept. that will be the last two times i get money for 4 yrs. well lump sums. so i am screwed after september unless i do something to change that fact. so here is the plan so far. it's not really developed but well that's what this thing is for. so i am going to start working and going to school as soon as possible. therefore i will be making as much money as possible. which allows me to save as much money as possible. i will get rid of needless expenses. i.e. going to the library instead of the bookstore. going to thrift stores and all that and just watching every penny. which is going to be very hard but i have to do it. that is the first stage of the plan. then while i am working on that process i need to research ways to make the money i am saving to work for me. more specifically making the most i can off it the fastest and the less risky. not so easy any more. however i am thinking along a timeline of ten yrs. i want to be set up or at least mostly on my way to being set up by the time i am thirty. cuz that is when i would like to start having a family and all that nonsense. so that is my plan for the money.
now i forgot the rest of what i was going to say. hate it when that happens. ok so anyway. keith actually kept his daughter all weekend. it wasnt bad. i had fun. she is really cute. although she tends to get jealous if i am sitting next to him or anything like that. so then she tries to push me away and she says my daddy. so that is kinda annoying cuz i think keith kinda likes it. cant really blame him i guess but it will definitly cause problems in the future. my niece used to throw temper tantrums and say that her mom was ruining her life and that she didnt love her and all that and it made cheryl miserable. she isnt doing it anymore. but i dont want to have to go through that and i know i dont have kids so i dont know what it's like and all that but i dont want a 2 yr old running my relationship and not letting my sit next to my boyfriend (or whatever we are) that's like letting some guys mom run a relationship. it just aint gonna work. i can see where she is coming from but ya know. but he said that she would do that when he would touch her mom too. so i am a bit worried. although he did tell her to share today when she did it. we will see. and i know he is going to ask why i didnt say any of this to him but it's either something that he is going to do himself or not. and if i say something then i will be feeling like i am nagging and i just dont want to be put in the position that that would put me in. which would make me sound like i am making him pick and that is ridiculous cuz i would never do that in a million yrs. like i said earlier i just dont want a 2 yr old deciding our relationship. which i dont think that is the case right now anyway. i am just remembering how elizabeth was with bill. and that would drive me nuts.
ok new topic cuz i spent too much time on that one anyway. oh but we layed around yesterday and today and it was nice and relaxing. just chilled. went grocery shopping oh and this guy came up to us as keith was putting nicki in her car seat and i was loading the groceries and he asked keith if he could give his lady something to read. well keith didnt hear him cuz he was walking over to put nicki in her seat so anyway i was like sure. i knew it was religious shit but i figured what the hell let him give it to me and make him feel better. so i dont know maybe he thinks i am a dirty whore and well maybe i am. lol. so anyway. that was eventful. and then i slept on the couch and well ya know took care of business cuz i wasnt going to get any. that made me sad. and yet happy. lol
so anyway. we did kinda get into it a bit. cuz i didnt tell him my number but let him think that it was a certain number. not saying if it was the correct number or not. but then he was reading my blog and he assumed that every guy i mentioned on the blog i slept with. and that aint true. not by a long shot. i might be a slutty but come on. i am not that bad. so anyway. i was laying there last night thinking maybe i will list all my sexcapades and all that in order and whatnot or whatever bu then i am like no. i dont care how many girls he slept with. my number doesnt matter to me (and to someone who thought she was only going to have sex with one guy in her whole life and freaked out when she had sex with guy number 2 that is a big deal) so anyway. no detailed list. the only thing that matters is that there are only 2 guys that i have had sex with that i love. my ex (even though i hate to admit it i did love the bastard) and keith. i dont know if me and keith are going to last forever or even another month. but i know he is always going to be important to me. whether we remain friends or just as memories. ya know i want to be with him for a long time but we cant even agree on what we want to call ourselves which is probably 70 percent my problem. but anyway. so the rest i could have just gotten myself off and it would have ment more. well ok there is micheal. i didnt love him though. i loved the idea of him. i loved what he was. but that was it. and the sex wasnt good. there were some highlights that i liked but basically not good. but really the reason that none of these guys were any good was because i just cannot loosen up on the first time. and i really didnt care to loosen up on any of them. so to me it doesnt matter. i dont even know if i really loosened up that much with my ex. but anyway i forgot my point. keith's roommate is here and he's distracting me. so anyway. well i am just going to type more later cuz i cant think of what all else i wanted to say