well i am still feeling crappy. i know it is just a job and there are plenty more and all that nonsense but i was really looking forward to this one and i was hoping i would get one so i wouldnt have to worry about money any more and i would have something to do. i dont know. i think i wouldnt have gotten it even if i would have had my references right there. i feel so stupid for not having them. i am pissed off because she acted like i had no sales experience whatso ever during the interview but i was a sales rep for vector and it's the same thing. big deal they have a fucking store that makes it easier cuz people come in there wanting to buy that stuff. and they are planning on buying it. at vector you have to convince people they need it and that they want it. i dont know i guess it wasnt the right job for me anyway cuz they apparently pay you by the hour but treat you like they pay you on commission. i dont know why i am so pissed that i didnt get it. cuz that would be alot of pressure for not as much pay but i dont know. i think it would still be ok. oh well. i will get another job somewhere else. i dont know. i am just sick of not having any money. and not having anything to do...ever. all i do is sit in my apartment and wait for keith to call or kenny to come online. and as happy as i am that they do i want my own life. that is why i moved here. i just want to have fun and get outside and meet pepole and feel good about my life and that i am living it to the fullest. and i cant do that without money. i dont know maybe i should just say fuck the job and go back to school. i mean i plan on going back to school anyway but when i am in school i dont need to work. it would be nice but not necessary. so i could just do that. but i dont know i still want to work. ya know i want to be able to meet as many people as possible. and have as much money as possible so i can do whatever i want buy whatever i want and just relax about the money issue for awhile. i have been worrying about money since i was 16. and for no reason really. i should not have to worry about money. oh well 5 more weeks and i get my check and then i can finally pay off all my dr bills and all that and my other bills and then i wont have any of that to worry about. a fresh start with some money in the bank and hopefully i will have a job by then so i can keep the money in the bank. but then i wont have any bills to pay so i can put away the money i would normally be paying those off or i can spend it. no that would bad. i need to save it. i am going to set up some goals. i think by the fall i am going to go on vacation somewhere. hmmmm where. how about mexico. wait no. it's gotta be tahiti. i am going to be naked in tahiti. so that would be a money goal and an exercise goal. although i think i am defenitly going to meet my exercise goals and stuff this time. cuz i am pretty thin the way it is and since it should be warming up soon i will be outside alot and i can get my cardio in and all that and since i will be able to keep groceries in the house by then it should be as easy as pie. we will see. so anyway. i think i am going to go to tahiti. that will be nice.