ya know i feel bad about keeping keith from kenny but kenny said that he would never talk to me if i ever went out with keith and he also said he would feel like shit because he would always think that keith stole me from him. but that's not the case at all. kenny has this great opportunity to take this internship in vegas. i hope he goes for it. that is such a huge opportunity!! and i think it is perfect for him. not much really going on with me at the moment. went and got tons of applications. and i have been working out again and eating right. i feel really good. thats what i love about weight watchers. it is so easy and i feel good right from the start. which makes it so much easier to stay on it but i do have to fight the urge to jump on the scale all the time cuz i want to see if i reallly am lighter or i just feel lighter. but i know i just feel lighter but that is great cuz i know i am doing something good for my body and i can tell. so i dont feel like a fat slob. which i am not so why should i feel that way. so anyway. i am feeling pretty good. and last night. get this. keith came to pick me up and i had been thinking about it the last 2 days since he dropped me off so i got ready and i put on this bra that just gives me the best cleavage a girl could ask for! i mean it goes on for days. so then i put this really low cut shirt on. well actually with a normal bra it is decently low cut but whith this bra on it goes over the top and down the front of my breasts and it's all lacey and i put on some dress pants and some killer boots. not my awesome cranberry boots that are the sexiest boots ever but these are close. they were brown and had about 3 inch stilleto heels. (it's a good thing my apartment is small other wise i am sure i would have fell on my face!!!!) so anyway since i was so bored on tuesday and spent the whole day (and i mean the whole day!) cleaning and hanging up the rest of my drawings and some other pics that i had. and putting up 2 small shelves and rearranging stuff my appartment was looking stellar. well at least as good as it ever has. i polished my end tables and coffee table. made my bed. mopped my floor. swept the carpet. so i lit some candles all over my apartment (what girl doestnt look good by candle light? not to mention all my polished wood surfaces reflected the glow, sprayed some stuff to make sure it smelled good, put on some soft jazz (thank you chicago public radio) and i waited for my prey. lol. oh yeah i did my hair and make up too of course. made my eyes all smoky and my hair touchably soft and what not. so anyway he shows up and i figured he would use the key to get in but like the sweety that he is he knocked. and after a quick run to the bathroom (well it is an hour drive) we started kissing all romantic like. he was happy cuz he didnt have to bend down to kiss me. well i dont know if he cared all that much but he did remark on it. so anyway back to the kissing. so i am feeling my sex appeal and all that, feeling like the goddess that i am. lol. nerd. so anyway. we get to the bed and ya know i rock his world. lol. it's true. lol. well anyway. it was good. ya know i just wanted to make him feel special and let him know i appreciate all that he does for me and for picking me up after he has had a bad day and all that stuff. and i wanted to let out my inner sex goddess. ya know the one that is caring and considerate and cares more about her lovers time than her own and just wants to do whatever she can to make her partner feel good. so i did. i am so sweet. but that is going to be how this whole weekend is hopefully. i have a few more things planned. i didnt really bring anything sexy to wear. but matt isnt here this weekend so who says i have to wear anything. lol. ya know guys need to be treated good too and taken care of once in awhile. well anyway i guess i am still in the after glow of it all. sorry about the tmi. but well it's my journal dammit and if i want to type about the amazing sex i had then i will. i think i might have to run to home depo and get some plastic that they use to paint rooms with so i can throw that down in the living room and then get out the whipcream and spray it down and well you can use your imagination. so anyway. i am hoping to lose another 20 lbs by memorial day. not that i really need to but i want to see some abs this summer. lol. and keith wants to put that smaller seat on his harley. lol. and i know he will whether or not my ass is any smaller. not that it's big. cuz i have been told twice that since i had big boobs the guys figured i had to have a big ass too and they were pleasantly surprised to find that i didnt. so i was like woohoo. i love the way my body looks now it's all curvy and womanly i just want to do little tweaking. ya know some detail work. but i think i have a pretty realistic goal. 2 lbs a week until memorial day. that should be easy. well maybe not exactly 2 lbs a week. i have been doing this long enough to know that if fluctuates and i am not going to lose 2 lbs every week. sometimes more sometimes less. but it is my goal to be able to go around in a bikini in public and be confident. really i just want to raise my ass up and shrink my buddha belly a little. not that there is anything wrong with my buddha belly. they can be sexy too but i would like to have a flat stomach for awhile. if not now when? ya know. there's plenty of time for a buddha belly after the kids. in about 10 yrs. so anyway that is my goal. the ass thing shouldnt be too hard cuz once it gets warmer and it has already shown signs of doing just that then i will be out there walking all over the city and up all those damn steps to the el. round perky butt here i come. not to mention i want to get some rollerblades to go up and down the path along the lake. so i got that taken care of. just got to work on the fat on my tummy. but that should also be taken care of because of all the cardio i will be doing. i cant wait. i am hoping that if i do look as good as i think i am going to look by memorial day then i will be going home that weekend. and flaunting my bad self. go make out with some more chics at jimmy t's. lol. oh yeah hot stuff coming through. lol. i am a nerd well damn this is extremely long so i am going to cut it off now. i need to email some people anyway. and get some laundry going. oh i forgot about the cranberry boots. ok they really are the sexiest boots. i cant help it. kenny said that when he was in vegas almost every girl had boots on but none were as sexy as my cranberry boots. and he wasnt just saying that either. cuz i can tell when someone is just saying stuff like that. well most of the time. but i know he was serious. so anyway. he also said he was watching all the chics walk by and he said none of em walked as sexy as i did either. i was like oh yeah i am hot shit. lol. he might have been fibbing about that part but i have been told several times that i have a sexy walk. a couple of times by complete strangers so ya know. you can tell by the way i walk...... oh yeah go me. so anyway i did bring my boots with me this weekend in case we go out. but i kinda dont want to go out cuz that would ruin the diet thing. well not ruin it but set me back and well it's just not worth it. i mean ya know it can wait i was never one to go out that much anyway. i still dont have a drink that i like that i can order anywhere. i cant wait til i am in shape. i know as long as i stay on weightwatchers i will lose weight. so all i have to do is keep up the exercise. the weightwatchers is easy. well so is this new exercise plan that i got. well the exercises arent easy but hopefully sticking to it will be. especially if i start to see results soon. which i think i might since i am eating right. hopefully by the end of the month i will notice something. at least i know i will have lost weight by the end of the month even if i dont notice it anywhere else. oh alright i will stop now. dont know how i got back on this topic anyway