i am home again. for now. keith's ex is saying that she wants him to take the kids friday nights too instead of just everyother sat and sun it will be every other fri-sun plus he is there every thursday. not to mention every morning he is there by 6. he does so much for her and all she does is ask for more. she has it made (or dicked as keith likes to say). last night we came back here and just chilled. we walked to portillos and pigged out. it was really good. as always. he said he didnt remember agreeing to be my boyfriend. the ass. i am pretty sure he was just joking but still he knows i am not going to beg to be his girlfriend and it's like either you want to be or you dont why dont you just tell me one way or the other so i know. we had a good discussion about sex last night. but then again what discussion about sex isnt good. we talked about likes and all that. i need to get him to figure out more specifically what he likes. he says everything. well gimme specifics. i was surprised cuz i was actually able to be pretty specific. normally i would just give the anything answer too. but now i actually know what i like and what i dont like. that's pretty cool. i am proud of myself. so anyway. there's this stuff sitting out on the curb and it's just sitting there and i am so tempted to go and get a new chair and footstool. it is perfect for my taste and it's just sitting there. i am thinking maybe the landlord tossed someone's stuff out. and i saw some people going through it but still i dont know. i mean why would someone leave their stuff there. well anyway. i am going to fight that urge. cuz knowing my luck it's someone's stuff and they are just moving. but that was a nice chair. right now i am trying to figure out something to do on saturday either in chicago or milwaukee that is good for a 2 and 12 yr old. i got some books on investing money and money managment and all that so hopefully by the time i get my check i will know what i want to put it in. like what kind of account at least. i wish keith would want to move to chicago. cuz i know i dont want to move up there. there is nothing wrong with it but i just love living here too much. even though i dont do anything. but i have wanted to live here since i was in 4th grade. and i just got here. i cant move yet. i havent even begun to experience the city. but i do miss him alot. there are quite a few roadblocks to this relationship. most of them are down the road but we dont want to waist each other's time either. i mean there's the issue of were we would live, if he would want to have any more kids, and i am sure there are more that we havent even thought about. even if we are not supposed to be together forever i know we are supposed to be together right now. it's like every time i think of him my heart tightens up a little bit. i have never experienced that before. i know i am only 21 and havent experienced much at all. but i had no idea that you could physically feel love for someone (no i am not talking about sex here) i mean i know when my mom died it felt like my heart shattered. i could feel it breaking. there was a real pain. but it didnt even occur to me that you could feel love the same way. maybe it's just the great sex. no it's more than that. i mean i love who he is. i love that he is so tough on the outside but he's the absolute biggest sweetheart you could imagine. i mean with him there arent any buts ya know. i love him but. it's just i love him. like with kyle it was i love him, but he is so immature, selfish, a liar, etc. with michael well i thought i was in love but i think it was just the rush of meeting someone who seemed so great and they liked me too and that there are going to be people out there who i am compatible with. i dont need to be alone or whatever. i didnt even know him. ya know. who knows maybe in a few months i will be eating these words but right now it is what i feel. oh yeah we got invited to a party at kenny's house. what's with that.