well hell i had a whole long post but now it is gone. so damn. i have to retype it all. so that sucks. never lived in a city it's hard to appreciate that thought but there really is sooo much to do and see. how can anyone be bored here. go outside pick a direction and take off. you are bound to run into something. John is so cute. i just remembered how he teased me about my accent last night. it was cute. cant wait to meet him. I think Amit will be fun too but i am not as excited to meet him or Keenan for that matter. but I havent gotten to know either one as much as I have John. but i dont know John all that well either. but we had fun on the phone last night. both times. lol. i am just boy crazy. i told cheryl she needs to come up here so she can watch out for me a little or she is going to have to hear about how i am in love every other week. lol. i am horrible. but i have never had this much attention from guys before. at least not sober, cute, successful, goal oriented men. usually it was drunks at the bar where i worked who were like 50 or dorks. lol. and everyone here is so interesting. i could listen to them talk all night. but ya so my head is spinning a little from all the guys. but it's nice. it's nice to feel attractive and that someone likes you, inside and out. especially after you were invisible to everyone for a few yrs. and your boyfriend was an ass. and you didnt realize it because you were so depressed because you were fat. but now i'm not fat, i am more outgoing because i am so happy, i live in such a wonderful city, my life is so good right now i cant believe it. i love it. i am happier than i have ever been in my entire life. i didnt even know what happy felt like. ya know. what it was like to be generally in a good mood. to not be sad. to not feel bad about yourself. to not think that something was wrong with you. i had no idea living here would make me this happy. i knew in my heart i had to move here. but i was always worried that i was running away from my problems and that it would all be the same. but it's not. i dont have that stupid boyfriend to keep me down.i am meeting so many great inspiring people, my life isnt sitting in front of the tv day after day waisting away. ok i admit it i got a little side tracked by michael and went kinda crazy. and i am sure it will happen again. but even then i was still happy with the rest of my life. and i was still having fun most of the time. but i am in such a good mood almost all the time. that is so weird to me. i am used to being in a state of ennui (yeah i'll wait while you look it up. lol. just teasing) and the fact that i am getting attention from guys just adds too it. i have never experienced anything like this. my whole life is 180 degrees from what it was just in august. well what the hell i just noticed that the post that i had thought disappeared is now right under this one but i added a whole lot more to this one so i will try to delete most of what i said twice and leave the rest