well i imed michael and just said hey...wondering why you havent called. and he didnt type back and now he is offline. i dont know i guess i wont hear from him anymore. i will take him off my messenger. but now i am sad. although at least now i know he is not interested even if i dont know why. which is crazy. that's the worst part cuz i dont know why. i am just confused. and i hate being confused. oh well time to move on i guess. the new drawing i am working on sucks it is really pissing me off. it is hard. it's of a red wolf pup. but it isnt taking that long. i am done with the body but that part doesnt have much detail. but i should finish it in the next couple of days. maybe tomorrow night but i doubt it. probably sunday night. if i dont mess up. i feel so stupid. i am not having sex again until i am married. there's just nothing in it for girls. at least not anything i cant do myself. we are the ones with all the emotional shit on the line. guys just do it and that's it. they dont care if they see the girl again. it's just so hard because i have never dated. the one date i went on was when i was 15!!! my mom drove us!! i dont know how to act. i dont know what to do. i am so depressed right now. i really had my hopes up. but i feel that no one wants me. that i am not good enough. i dont know. i know it is still really soon after me and kyle broke up and i am still getting used to it. but i thought me and michael sorta fit. ya know. well i was hoping. probably my wishful thinking. probably?...apparently that is what it was. what i really need to do is make some friends. that's what i need. i dont need a boyfriend. or any of the drama. i just need some friends that i can hang out with, talk to, do things with to keep busy. not worry about guys. it's just too much for me to deal with. my heart breaks too easily.