Nov. 1
Alright something is going on with the blogger and I can’t get in so I am typing this on word so I can hopefully cut and paste later. And so I can keep up and not have a super long blog later. Well any way Michael didn’t call me yesterday but he put on his messenger: gone for the weekend call me if you can. So not knowing if that was meant for me I called him. He said he has to leave for the weekend to go to see his brother who is in the hospital and he has cancer cells and it is really serious. But I should see him next week sometime and I will probably talk to him on the phone again sometime. Can’t wait. Not as obsessed but it is still there. He’s just too dang cute. Well any way there is more going on with me than just dating. Although at the moment since I have been sick that’s the only interesting thing to discuss. I am looking for a job. Can’t find one and I really need one. It sucks. I really wish I would have gotten this one at the dave and busters next to where I live but no it didn’t happen. I don’t know what I am going to do. Maybe donate my eggs. Lol. Well I do need money for next semester…. So anyway I am also going to go back on weight watchers. So far I have lost 40lbs. After my mom died I gained a total of 63 so I have 23 more to go. Although I feel really good about myself right now I still want to look as good as I can especially for the first time I see the moron again. He is so dumb. When I start losing weight that’s when he dumps me. I haven’t looked this good in 2 yrs. Oh well. His loss. So anyway I am going to start that again. I took a break from it when school started so I could get into the groove of that and not have to constantly be thinking about making food and grocery shopping. I also can’t wait till Monday because I will actually get to go to my tango class!!! I have to go to dinner with Kenny tonight. I really don’t want to because the other night we made out a little and I know he is going to want to again. It was good I just don’t want to. Cuz then he will think I want to go out with him and I don’t. I also need to get a treadmill, which is one of the thousand reasons I need to get a job. I don’t even know how I am going to deal with Kenny. This sucks. School is going to suck so bad next week!!!! I am also working on a drawing. Which I haven’t done anything seriously in about 2 yrs. So I am very out of practice. But it is nice to get back into the groove. And I finally got my radio working again!!! Yea! Well this is really long and I need to go through all my recipes so I can find some good and easy stuff to make. Also I have been thinking about the moron. It started yesterday. I don’t know I kind of miss him. Not the way he treated me but when you talk to someone everyday and laugh and joke with them for 6 yrs it’s really hard to quite cold turkey. And I saw that Dave Mathews is coming here in December and I know he will want to go. well this is really long too so I will stop for now.

Nov 2

Well last night I went out with Kenny and his family. His family seems nice. Except for a few things. First off his mom and dad are huge gossips which Kenny warned me about but they where gossiping (about some pretty personal stuff) about their family members to me. (I just met them!!!) and his dad is very racist. Which is sad and ignorant and I couldn’t believe the stuff that he was saying. I didn’t say anything I just kind of nodded and smiled and let him go off. I guess it makes him feel better about himself. Who knows. But I figured since I just met him and it was Kurt’s birthday and he was paying for dinner I wasn’t going to start anything. But his mom seemed to like me but Kenny said she would and then talk about me once I was gone. (which it seems that that is exactly what she will do) Kurt was really nice though. He is very outgoing and charismatic. We played ping-pong after dinner. It was fun. He spanked me. I could barely get anything. The only thing is we ran into some cousins and Kenny introduced me as his girlfriend. Which I was a little worried about but I didn’t mind it. I mean I wasn’t going to correct him in front of his whole family and I did say I would go as his date. I talked to him about it after we came back here and he said he knew that we were friends (although he did ask if I wanted to be his girlfriend first) but he said no problem. But I don’t know. But the food was awesome. We went to belagio’s the calamari was really good and so was the bread. The rest was really good too. And Kenny played the piano for me. It was really good. I liked sitting there listening. I really liked it when he played piano man and the entertainer for me. It was fun. I feel like crap today. I have a migraine. And I have a shit load of stuff to do. And I have been emailing back and forth with this guy named John and we will probably meet sometime soon. And Michael is going to start working regular hours next week so we will probably go out sometime (did you really think I could get through a whole blog without mentioning him?) and Kenny will come over sometime so I can take him out to dinner. And we can finish putting up the shelves. Lol. But today I have to go and buy a ton of crap for my design foundations class. Which is sooo stupid. Why did we even bother buying the stupid equipment package? Well I am going to go and make lunch now. I might type more later. Who knows.

Nov 2 second entry for the day

Ohmigod. That is all I can say right now!!! I am completely speechless!!! Michael is freaking awesome!!!!! I called him just to see how his trip was and how his brother was doing and we were talking and he is just awesome. First of all he was talking about how he wants to do a trade. He will teach me tai chi and I will show him how to draw. And then we were just chatting. About like thanksgiving and stuff and I was telling him how I couldn’t go home cuz I would have to travel on thanksgiving day and all that and he was all well drop me off at the airport on the 25th and then you can take my car. TAKE HIS CAR!!!!!! All the way home. 5hr drive. Just take it. Drive off with it. Is that not unbelievable. Ohmigod!!!! I am going crazy! I love him. My grandma will be so happy. How freaking sweet is he. I just want to marry him now. Lol. Not really though, but really. Actually I just want to see him. And kiss him. Etc. wow unbelievable. That’s crazy. I can’t wait to teach him how to draw. I have never taught anyone how to draw before. Mmmmm. What a sexy pupil. I am so excited!!!! I can’t sit still. I just want to call him back and tell him I love him and never hang up!!!! But that would be crazy!!!. It’s not so much that I am going to get to go home. But the fact that he is so sweet and thoughtful and he trusts me enough to even offer to let me take his car. I want to bring him home with me. And keep him forever. Ohmigod I am crazy. I am just happy. I really can’t wait to teach him how to draw. I hope I am a good teacher. I am just really looking forward to spending all that time with him. And he thinks that a picture that I drew my sophomore yr of high school is really good. So I am happy that he thinks that I am good. I am so excited. I can’t wait. I am back to being absolutely pathetic. But I like it. Lol. God I am sad. Lol.

Nov 3

First day back at school in over a week. God was it long. And I even slept passed my first class. Horrible I know but it was rainy and I was so tired and I have only missed one class in that class so I figured actually being able to catch up on my sleep was a little more important since it was only creative minds. But any way I might actually be able to catch up and get a decent grade in my design foundations class. I aced the quiz and I told her I would have both projects that I haven’t turned in yet done by next week. A little suicidal there but hopefully I will get off my ass and get it done. I am sooo looking forward to teaching Michael how to draw. I am thinking that if I do a good job with him then I could do that on the side. Cuz I am good at drawing and I might actually be able to teach someone else how to. But then even if I don’t get to work at dave and busters then I will have that and even if I do get to work at dave and busters then I have that when I cant work. Or I could even do portraits and stuff for people. But that would be harder considering that I cant even get my homework in on time. I was soo hungry today. I didn’t eat breakfast cuz I was running late so I figured during break I could get something to tie me over well that would have worked except either my bank hasn’t cleared my check that I deposited on Friday or the stupid atm wasn’t working. I dunno so I was pissed and starving so I left class like an hr early. I am sooooo bad. But I cant wait to talk to Michael again. I have to call cherryl in a bit. I gave her the link to his web page to look at his pics. So I am going to find out what she thinks of him. Marisa thought he was cute and she is very picky. Not that it matters cuz I think he is damn sexy. I could look at his pictures all day. *sigh* he is so yummy. And I also have tango tonight. So I might type more later.

Nov. 4

Today I am supposed to get my down comforter and my sheets in the mail. I really hope they come. Well Marisa has fallen in love. I am so happy for her. I know just how she feels. She met this guy at her new job 2 or 3 weeks ago. They are already talking about getting married. Not anytime soon but definitely in the future. So in drafting today we gushed to each other. Really that is the only thing that got us through the class. Lol. But anyway. So I let her use my cell to call her guy and then she convinced me to text message Michael. So I did. And now I am going to wait to see if he calls me back. If he doesn’t then as horrible and hard as it’s going to be I am going to have to start looking again. Because I did everything in my last relationship. I mean everything. I was always the one trying to make it better I was the one always doing things for him. He just sat on his ass and looked at porn. So if Michael is expecting me to be the one to always call him then forget it. I will be more than happy to call him but I want some of it returned. I am not going to play games. So I really hope he calls. Well I didn’t go to English…again. But I am sooo tired and I have a headache. I know lame excuses but I am happy to be home and getting ready to go to sleep. I took my picture that I am working on to class today cuz I knew I would have time before class to work on it. Well this girl in the class was like wow that is really good did you trace it at all. And I am like no. and Marisa was like she is an awesome artist. And then she said she wanted me to do something for her. So I will probably do a pic of her guys daughters. But I am happy that she thinks I am good. Also I found out today that my freshman seminar teacher is my student advisor. I kinda have a little crush on him. But I always have a little crush on all my teachers. I think it has to do a little with not having a dad and they are authority figures and all that. But that is alittle too deep to get into right now. I am way to tired. So anyway that is all for now but if Michael calls me I will be back on here gushing and sighing and all the other things girls do. Oh also cherryl thinks he is cute too. Actually hot was the word. Lol
Well actually I forgot michael’s screen on his phone is broken so he probably cant even read the message. Although he should see that I was the one that sent it. My comforter did come today I am so happy. But I think that the sheets are really for a king size bed. Cuz they are too big for my bed but I am going to keep them anyway cuz one day I hope to have a king size bed. Lol so anyway. Michael might call me tomorrow cuz he usually calls me on Wednesday or Thursday but if he doesn’t call me this week then that’s it cuz I am not playing that crap. I really want to see him though. I miss him and I want to spend more time with him. But if he does call me then I am going to ask him how he feels about me cuz he has asked me if I could be in a relationship with him and if my interest in him is fading and all that but he never tells me how he feels. Even though I guess his asking could be considered him telling me how he feels and offering to loan me his car and all that but I need something that I can say see that’s how he feels not just assumptions (you know what they say about those) I want to know his side too. Then I wouldn’t be going crazy if he doesn’t call me everyday. But you would think that if he feels the same as I do he would want to talk to me everyday too. But he is kinda shy and we did say we wanted to take it slow and all that so I don’t know what to think. See why I need to know. Also we only talk on the phone for a few minutes at a time anyway. I dunno I think I am just imagining all this. But the email and all the stuff he has said after that and everything makes me think that I am not.

Nov. 5

Well today I had a very boring day. Went to class. Both of them…lol. I talked to duffy (my student advisor) and he was really cool. He listens very well. And I am going to meet Kevin after my extra design foundations class tomorrow. And I realized that I cant go do homework on Friday so I have to go on Saturday instead. And then I was online and the guy that fell in love with me after one date imed me and then he was trying to get me to do something this weekend and I am actually busy this weekend so I was like no and he’s like you’re a fucking bitch and a whorebag and all that I am like well I cant help it if I am busy . it was really uncalled for. Michael didn’t call me. I think he is just playing games. And I don’t have time for that. But it pisses me off if he is because I really like him. But I am not going to put up with that. That’s ridiculous. I will date other people I have enough prospects. I have at least 3 guys besides Kenny that I could go out with. Not bragging just stating the facts. I just wanted to date Michael I could definitely fall for him. Hell I already have. But I am just not going to mess with that. I will talk to him about it the next time he calls. I will ask what he is thinking and everything. But I am afraid he is going to say that he just wants to be friends but I would rather know now and start dating again than get my hopes up any further. I just hope he feels the same as me. Hopefully he will call tomorrow. I need him to call me tomorrow. Maybe I will make a date for Saturday night if he doesn’t. just to have something to do and to start looking around. Stupid heart. I hate all this stuff. And now I am missing kyle and his family. Mostly his family. And I am a little homesick. But not for my home as it is now but for what it was when my mom was alive and everything. And even though I have more friends here than I did back home I feel alone. Probably all because Michael. I am just being sad because I feel rejected and I just had kyle dump me and I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don’t want to go through all of this. I don’t want to have to guess if someone else likes me or worry if I am crazy because of the way ifeel. I don’t want to start over and find someone else. I already had a boyfriend and I was already apart of his family. And it feels like I lost his whole family. I went from being apart of it to not being able to see them. Christmas and thanksgiving will be very hard. I am not going to go home for thanksgiving. I am just feeling sorry for myself and selfish. Maybe I should go home and talk to dr. abramson. He will tell me how I am feeling. If I am being crazy about Michael or if I am feeling sorry for myself and he will kick my butt and tell me to stop it…lol. I don’t know I just need someone to hang out with and keep me busy or better yet. A job….lol. actually I am sorry a little revision up top there it’s 5 guys not 3 cuz I forgot about 2 on the internet. And I haven’t even started the great expectations thing yet. Damn I am good lol