I am kicking myself right now for fucking up my credit so bad. I already was kicking myself but now it's like damn!!! But oh well I can't do anything now, I just have to work w/ what I have. I think in the next 3 yrs I really could own a house, not to mention have a hell of alot of other money saved up too. I really would like to have my house very close to being paid off by the time I am 30 so I can get at least one other property and then a vacation property. However these are long term goals. I really need to look at the little things I am going to do when I get back from my Gram's to start the process. Tomorrow I am signing up for my 401k and when I get home from vac. I am going to open a money market account. I am pretty excited. Even though I still have a few bills to pay at least I am working on it and I will be saving some money at the same time. I cannot wait til there is no more debt!! At least I don't have credit card debt. When I don't have any more bills to pay I will be so freakin happy that I won't know what to do w/ myself. At least w/ a plan I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By the time I get back from vacation I am going to have the whole thing mapped out.
I am going to be a millionaire.
On a different note I finally bought new pants yesterday. I am waiting til I go home to wear them though. I still don't want to throw out the other ones. lol
Here is my new duvet cover! I am so excited because I am actually going to put the time and effort to make this apartment a home, that way I don't feel bad when it seems like forever until I can get my house, and so I just feel good about the space that I inhabit. I am going to take pics of my apartment now and then after I get it all done.
Every one is making fun of Ralph because they think there's something going on or that he likes me or something like that just because he compliments me and goes to lunch w/ me (and Mark) He's just a nice guy. He compliments Jennifer too. It's still kinda funny though. lol.
I am trying to think up something good and interesting to talk about but really there is nothing interesting going on in my life. Except the impending state of my finances. I am trying to change my life one step at a time. I am kind of sick of being me. I am sick of all the baggage and crap that buzzes in my head and fucks me up. I guess I am also trying to find out who I am and learn how to respect myself and set boundries.
Ok my main problem w/ my relationship w/ Keith is that (and if this offends you Keith I am sorry but this is my perception of our relationship, I am not saying you don't care about me or that you aren't sorry for what happened and all that, this is all me and no longer has anything to do w/ you other than the fact that my feelings and whatnot happen to be about you. It's all in my head) I hate that I let myself be treated that way, and he's not the first guy to treat me that way either, or a similar shitty way. I hate that I let him do that to me, I hate that I was so attached and in love w/ him that I lost myself and shrunk back and didn't put my foot down alot sooner and say that I deserved better than that. I hate that I was so worried about not being w/ him and that I wasn't good enough for him that I didn't think about what was good enough for me. I hate it SO much. I also hate that I still want to be w/ him. I hate that even though I see things a little differently now and realize that neither one of us want what the other one does, or that he doesn't love me and he's not interested in being w/ me at all, and that he is probably the furthest type of guy that I want in some regards that I still want to be w/ him. I don't understand what the hell is wrong w/ me. It drives me nuts that I can't get it through my head that he does not want to be w/ me, not because I am vain, but because I want to be w/ him so bad. BBLLAAAHHHH!! I just need a break from dating period I think. Otherwise I will just keep getting more fucked up and never get level-headed about guys. It's hard to be level-headed and a romantic at the same time.
I am going to be a millionaire.
On a different note I finally bought new pants yesterday. I am waiting til I go home to wear them though. I still don't want to throw out the other ones. lol
Here is my new duvet cover! I am so excited because I am actually going to put the time and effort to make this apartment a home, that way I don't feel bad when it seems like forever until I can get my house, and so I just feel good about the space that I inhabit. I am going to take pics of my apartment now and then after I get it all done.
Every one is making fun of Ralph because they think there's something going on or that he likes me or something like that just because he compliments me and goes to lunch w/ me (and Mark) He's just a nice guy. He compliments Jennifer too. It's still kinda funny though. lol.
I am trying to think up something good and interesting to talk about but really there is nothing interesting going on in my life. Except the impending state of my finances. I am trying to change my life one step at a time. I am kind of sick of being me. I am sick of all the baggage and crap that buzzes in my head and fucks me up. I guess I am also trying to find out who I am and learn how to respect myself and set boundries.
Ok my main problem w/ my relationship w/ Keith is that (and if this offends you Keith I am sorry but this is my perception of our relationship, I am not saying you don't care about me or that you aren't sorry for what happened and all that, this is all me and no longer has anything to do w/ you other than the fact that my feelings and whatnot happen to be about you. It's all in my head) I hate that I let myself be treated that way, and he's not the first guy to treat me that way either, or a similar shitty way. I hate that I let him do that to me, I hate that I was so attached and in love w/ him that I lost myself and shrunk back and didn't put my foot down alot sooner and say that I deserved better than that. I hate that I was so worried about not being w/ him and that I wasn't good enough for him that I didn't think about what was good enough for me. I hate it SO much. I also hate that I still want to be w/ him. I hate that even though I see things a little differently now and realize that neither one of us want what the other one does, or that he doesn't love me and he's not interested in being w/ me at all, and that he is probably the furthest type of guy that I want in some regards that I still want to be w/ him. I don't understand what the hell is wrong w/ me. It drives me nuts that I can't get it through my head that he does not want to be w/ me, not because I am vain, but because I want to be w/ him so bad. BBLLAAAHHHH!! I just need a break from dating period I think. Otherwise I will just keep getting more fucked up and never get level-headed about guys. It's hard to be level-headed and a romantic at the same time.
posted by :D at 11:14 PM
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