well I had a whole long blog bitching about Keith but it's gone, cuz either blogger or my computer sucks, but I will give you a quick overview of the topics in case it doesn't show up

1. Keith can't say I love you even though he started saying it first, and I don't know why it is so hard to say it back or why I should be made to feel like I should be lucky that he said it at all
2. Keith can't remember when he said he would go four wheeling this weekend, and copped out by saying that it must have been whenever he told me the first time, he never told me when the first time he just said the guy was bugging him to go how can you not remember if you said yes after someone asked you to spend the weekend
3. he wants me to initiate sex, well I was all for that and planning on ways to do it and then I remembered I have not gotten one thing I asked him for to make my part in the relationship easier even though I have already bent over backwards for him and all I am asking for are the basics, like to feel loved and appreciated and special. Ya know what normal people don't have a problem showing
4. the fact that I have bent over backwards and am letting him put me through so much stress and heartache because I love him and want to be with him and he can't even spare me more than one fucking I love you and one fucking weekend out of 2 months worth (actually more if you count the weekends he had a reason not to come down Friday or Saturday the few weeks before the break)
5. he was saying something about coming down tonight when he would only have enough time to sleep, when the only "reason" we are on this "break" is because he didn't see how a couple hours mattered. And I would appreciate the fact that he came down to see me no matter how long it was for (my whole point during "the fight")
6. he thinks he knows how it's going to end cuz all women are the same, and he doesn't give me a chance and he is hurting me and our relationship because other women who have nothing to do w/ me hurt him.
7. another reason I am not initiating sex, for the first time since February I feel completely asexual, that will probably change when I see him but right now I don't care if it does or not, he can work for it for once,
8. I am having panic attacks because of all the stress and back and forth (crazy I know but that doesn't make them go away)

this is a much shortened version but basically you get the point, with less bitching, I just remembered something else though too, the fact that we were not fighting this whole time but the reason for the break was cuz we fought so much but we still aren't back together or any closer cuz he wont think about it. hmm how about that.