kenny came over last night. we hung out but i think he is just waiting for the chance to try and sleep with me again. so this is probably going to be stressful. and then keith asked me if we did anything. ok i ask if i am just a convenience and he gets all bent out of shape and then he can ask me that. he also asked this morning if kenny talked me out of being with him. whatever. at first it didnt bug me but now it is starting to. but do i tell him and possibly get us into another fight. or just let it go. i dont know. i know he wants me to tell him but i dont want to get into another fight right now. and i know not saying something cuz i dont want to get in a fight is pretty silly but we just had one yesterday and i dont know. man i was just talking to kenny on the im and he keeps trying to talk me into going out with him. like argue his way back in. which i know how he feels. ya know i know i did that a little bit with my ex but that was like the first night ya know. i dont know. i wrote keith an email telling him how cute and sweet he is. it was pretty corny but ya know sometimes i just cant hold it in anymore. besides why would i want to. he is cute and sweet. and i just want to hug him and squeeze him. lol. i am a nerd. i wonder if you can be a nerd professionally. i would be perfect for it. ya know i can understand how keith might not trust me. i knew it would kinda be a problem going into the relationship or whatever we have. but still it is frustrating. cuz it's like i didnt sleep with kenny after keith and i had sex. i didnt want to. i had absolutely no desire to sleep with kenny after that. or anyone else for that matter. i have no desire to sleep with him now. or go back out with him or anything like that. ya know. i want to see where it goes with keith cuz i think it could go pretty good. so no one else interests me. even when we fought i was like there is no way i am going to just go home and give up on something that is so awesome just because we had a little fight. yeah it was kinda soon but everyone has fights and at least we got it out of the way. ya know we dont have to worry about the other shoe falling and all that. and we both learned how deal with one another a little better. i wish i wasnt scared to tell keith i love him. but then again he could be sitting there saying i am glad she hasnt tried to say i love you yet. although i dont think that is the case. but i am kinda scared too that this is me and kenny reversed. like i like keith way more than he likes me. i think that is left over from micheal. ya know. but i am a little worried that he will just be like what was i thinking. but oh well ya cant not do something cuz you are scared of all the whatifs i mean the least we will get is friendship and the most could be something absolutely wonderful. so i think that is a pretty good deal. but marisa was telling me yesterday how she is getting bitter. like ray was sleeping and she woke him up cuz she was pissed that he was sleeping. and i remember doing stuff like that with my ex. not the sleeping thing although he did do that with me. but other stuff ya know and i dont want to do that to anybody. who wants to be bitter? i want to be happy for keith if he gets to sleep right away. lol. ok thats corny but ya know what i mean. it's not his fault if i dont get to sleep right away. well technically it is. lol. no just kidding i usually have trouble falling alseep the way it is. and when i do fall asleep i can sleep through just about anything. well anyway. i am sleepy so i am going to go and take a nap now cuz i feel like it. lol. i am horrible.