well last night sucked ass. i was happy all day after i posted that last post and got it out of my system and had a nice little cry. but then guess what happended. me and keith got into a fight.  all because i was overly sensitive to something he said and when i said it hurt my feelings he heard you're an asshole. and once he here's that he becomes defensive and starts attacking. which who can blame him. if i thought someone was calling me an asshole i would do the same thing. however. i can usually tell when he has hit this point, and then nothing i say can calm him down or get him to see that i was not calling him an asshole cuz no matter what comes out of my mouth that is all he hears. and it just escalates. and then i get frustrated and mad and that only makes it worse. although last night i did not stay mad for very long. it was replaced by hurt pretty quick. but still i even told him that it was silly for us to be fighting over me being overly sensitive when i already admitted that i was being overly sensitive and apologized for it. i dont know it kinda seemed like he was mad at me from earlier when i asked him if he wanted me to come home on saturday night, and the only reason i asked was because i honestly did not know if he would want me to, i mean it took me over a week to get him to come see me and we have only seen eachother one other time so i didnt know and i didnt want him to feel bad if he did so i thought i would ask. well when i asked he thought i was saying he was an ass because he wouldnt let me stay saturday or something like that and that's not what i was doing at all. but i also didnt want to assume i was staying saturday night and he was thinking i was leaving and then being disappointed and getting hurt and mad and getting into a fight about it. all i wanted to do was be sure of where he was coming from. so i am thinking he was still mad about that (and didnt tell me he was mad about it to begin w/) and was just looking for something else to be mad at me about so he could bring it back up, cuz he did bring it back up. but i could be wrong. cuz i can't read his mind so he could be thinking something totally different, this is just how i see it. 

i got a lovely email from my aunt, she works out at curves and she sounds really excited about it. she asked if i ever thought about modeling. that made me feel good. actually it made me feel damn good.  it was just an out of the blue remark so i think that is what made me feel so good. it would still make me feel good if i asked her advice if i should model and she said oh yeah, and backed me up and supported me. but to have her just throw it out there was pretty cool.

i have a little project going right now but i dont know what's going to happen w/ it. i have only told one other person about it cuz i know even if she doesnt agree and thinks i am dumb as a box of rocks she will let me find out that for myself and also give me as much support as i need to prove her wrong. cuz she know's i would do the same for her.