I had a bad dream last night. Well it was about my mom. Those dreams are always "bad" but I would rather have them than not. I had a dream that I was on the bus riding home from school and I missed the stop  and when the bus went to turn around the bus driver made me get off and said I would have to walk back even though they were going right past my stop again and she did that for other kids plus I had a shit load of stuff (like a couple of really big packages) and so I got really mad cuz I needed to get home cuz my mom was missing and she might be at the hospital or dead or something and I was yelling at her (pretty much the same way I yelled at the nurses in the hospital) but anyway I always have these dreams where my mom is back, now in all these dreams she was dead and just came back to life, and in some of them she dies again, except this time I know ahead of time that she will die. So in the dream I am panicking and these guys that are building a house by where the bus is turning offer to give me a ride cuz the bus driver is being a bitch but for some reason I want her to do it. I guess it's the principle of the thing. So anyway I get home and nobody is there, and I start to panics cuz I know my little brother is with my mom. (which that could be from me still feeling guilty over leaving him in the room w/ her when I went to get help I don't know) I call my grandma and she says she knows my mom is missing and she called Eric (who still lived in Georgia in my dream) and said he must already be on his way back (on the day my mom died him and Cheryl were moving back to live w/ us) so my little brother comes home but my mom isn't with him and we all know what's going on. So I am on the floor crying and he is sitting on the couch but then he comes and cries with me and we are talking about how it's not fair. Later I am on the phone w/ Keith and I am telling him something but I don't really remember what I am explaining to him but I do remember saying well when my mom was dead... But then later on my mom is on the phone and I am talking to her and she is telling me that she is going to die again and I start bawling and telling her I love her and that I am going to miss her so much and that I don't want to her to die. And then later that night her bed is in the living room and she is lying in it getting ready to go to sleep, but we all know she is going to die and Johnny is laying on the couch and I come in the living room from my room and I am crying  but not bawling tears are just running down my face and I move Johnny over and lay on the other end of the couch and we all go to sleep. It was kinda weird cuz normally I fight the fact that my mom is back in my dreams I tell who ever is telling me that she isn't and it's just a dream and they say no it's real and then they convince me and I tell her everything I want her to know, about how much I miss her and how much I love her and then I wake up. Well this time it wasn't like that, I nobody told me she was back it was kinda like she had been back for awhile. I don't know. I have read that when you dream about someone who has died you are excepting that they are gone, but how could I have excepted it when I am dreaming that she is back? I like the dreams because I think maybe it is real and she knows what I am dreaming about and telling her in my dreams. Even if it's not true which it probably isn't it still makes me feel a little closer to her because I still feel bad that she didn't know how much she meant to me and that I didn't even know.