nothing really going on yet as it's still early in the morning. i am going to lunch with kenny. keith and i talked last night and i am going up there sometime saturday. i want to but i dont know how it's going to go. i have been miserable all week and we are still barely talking. he doesnt say anything. i feel like i am being crucified cuz i got mad and yelled. who besides gandi hasnt gotten mad and yelled. i have never asked him to bend over backwards when i was mad at him and it seems like that is what i have to do. it all just seems hopeless right now. i mean when i was mad at him he acted like it was all ok cuz he said sorry, and that that is all i should expect from him. well i said sorry too. and then some and i am still right were i started. it's like i have to make up for everytime he has had to make shit better with someone. and that's crap. ya know i hate how it has to be one persons fault, two peopel were there. i did shit that i aint proud of and he did shit that was wrong too. i dont understand how he can get off the hook with an i'm sorry and i have to change who i am. not that i dont think i could learn to communicate better. if i didnt i wouldnt try doing that. but i dont know. and i emailed him last night and he didnt even mention it. i just feel really detached from him right now and that makes me sad. i feel like i am a little kid who has to sit in the corner cuz i cant play nice with the other kids.