VENTING

well now onto my shitty weekend. i got up at 515am to catch the train (and almost passed out twice from exerting myself too much when i was sick)i thought i was too sick to have sex (but luckily i was proved wrong...the high point of the weekend) i dont remember saturday at all. on sunday keith left me alone for an hour because his ex couldnt figure out how to take water out of a fish tank and on monday he was going to leave me cuz she wants a new car. well ok i got over sunday. that's fine. even though it was ridiculous that she couldnt do that herself, whatever. well we get into my apartment and he said something about it being messy, well i was sick. when i feel better and it's messy just cuz i am lazy fine, then say whatever you want. but i was going to clean it friday morning but i wanted to catch the early train to spend more time with him and i was exhausted thursday night so i just cleaned what i could so it wouldnt take me that long to clean monday when we got back. well that made me mad but i didnt stay mad for long and i was mostly mad at myself cuz it was a mess. well he keeps saying are you going to be mad at me all night and i keep telling him i am not mad any more. oh and he kept asking if he should just leave. so i get in the shower and when i get out he is on the phone with his ex and i hear him ask (a couple times)if she wants him to come back up there. so i get pissed off cuz he is giving the rest of our weekend to her and it seems like he is looking for a reason to leave. cuz it was like 3 or 4 so we still had all night. so i say something about it. and it came out sounding like i was bitching at him but i was just bitching to him. and i didnt even want to say anything any way cuz i figured i would be the bitch for bringing it up but he did tell her 2 weeks ago that he was seeing someone, and this is the first weekend that she has known and he hasnt had the kids and she knew where he was so she knew that he was so willing to just leave me hanging to go running back. and she has not needed him over there for anything for months. and before this it was to hook up the internet. cuz she had to have it that night. she has a boyfriend why cant he do shit like that. i think we all know why, i mean it's a little funny that she needed him twice in one weekend. and it had to be done. and he is going running over there. so i say something to him and he gets up and leaves. and i ask him to come back and he doesnt even turn around he just says what for and keeps going which for me that is like why should i bother trying to work this fight out or care how you feel about something i was looking for a reason to leave and i just found it. so then he freaking calls me which if he was going to argue with me anyway why the hell didnt he stay here and do it cuz he found his way out. well then i am hurt because he just left even though i asked him to stay. and he says well you made me take you home before, well ya know what he didnt ever ask me to stay cuz he's not going to "beg" me to stay. yeah and i have too much fucking pride, whatever. and i told him i expect to be second to his kids but i cant believe i am after her too. he doesnt even think of how i feel when he just leaves to go do her bidding. and after i told him that and we are on the phone in the middle of an arguement she calls and guess what he does. he takes her fucking call. he tells me to fucking hold on. and then he wonders why i say i dont know if i can be with him. i was being honest cuz at that point i didnt know. it's like i want to be with him but i am not going to be on the bottom of someones list and be set aside for everything else to come first again. i dont care how much i love him that aint going to happen again. oh and he drove back when we were on the phone but he started saying how he might not have gotten mad about tiptoeing around someone else if he was in my shoes and made it sound like i was just bitching about it. so i got pissed and i seriously felt like just hanging up but i knew he would be mad and he would be hurt because he already told me not to hang up on him so i said ya know what i will call you later if i am not mad, i gave him a second to say something but he didnt so i said bye and hung up. well so then he just goes home. he said he was sorry for just leaving but then he turns around and leaves again. what the fuck is that obviously he wasnt too damn sorry. and the whole time we were on the fucking phone he kept saying do you just want to call me when you arent mad anymore. how the fuck was i supposed to know he was here. he didnt say he came back. so the whole night was fucking ruined and he is all pissed because i am hurt that he left. and he thinks that because i am hurt that i dont see why he wouldnt want to get bitched at by 2 different people 3 times in 30 minutes. who fucking would. but that doesnt mean he should just leave because he doesnt want to fight all night but then we fight all night anyway when we could have gotten over the whole fight really quickly if he had stayed and still been together. AND he always tries to blame me for everything and then accuse me of blaming him for everything. he says that he admits it when he is wrong but he never believes he is wrong. in his mind this whole fight is my fault because i bitched at him. and because he was bitched at by 2 people 3 times in 30 minutes. i am always paying for her shit. he always takes that shit out on me. her bitching at him should not have anything to do with him walking out on me. it shouldnt have caused him to walk out on me but it's my fault cuz i yelled at him. and then he called me this morning and we got into it again. and i remember him telling me that he doesnt throw shit back in peoples faces but that is all he was fucking doing and then said i was doing it cuz i brought up that he went over there on sunday! i am so sick of the way he argues. it's pointless. it doesnt make sense. he says that i am doing something and then does it himself and when i point it out it's because either 1 i did it or 2 it's not the same thing even though it is he just wont admit it. and here we are fucking fighting for days at a time again and i fucking hate this. i look forward to talking to him every fucking day and now i am miserable all day cuz i know if he calls we are going to get into it again and i cant look forward to talking to him. and now it's 2 weeks until we get to have another weekend and i am sure something will fuck that up too. how much do you want to bet she needs something done immediately that just cant wait and she is too "stupid" to figure out how to do it or she just doesnt want to get her hands dirty. a little public notice to guys who are divorced. your wives call you to have you do stuff because they can. and because they know you will do it. they have power and they know it. i have seen it before, a couple of times. ray's wife does the same damn thing. now i know not all women do this, i sure as hell wouldnt cuz i wouldnt want to see him ever again. but there are some vindictive, power hungry women out there who enjoy making mens lives miserable, as i am sure you know. so the next time your ex calls and asks you to do something you know she can do herself if she just quits being a spoiled little baby, tell her to fuck off. do it for me, or better yet do it for yourself. take back your balls as marisa likes to put it. i am just so mad that the rest of the weekend was fucking ruined. and that he doesnt get it. i mean he got so mad about kenny when i was with kenny. and this is worse. he asked if i thought she was trying to get him back or if that's what i was worried about. now i am fucking wondering. wondering if she will and what he will do. cuz obviously he was thinking about it. i am just so bitter right now.