my place is trashed!!! still. i never cleaned last week now i am wishing i had. i also gained back almost all the weight i lost over the weekend. that sucks ass. especially considering i dont remember eating all that much, well except the krispy kremes. but i also wasnt taking the xenadrine. i left it here. and i was laying in bed all weekend.well i got a little exercise on saturday, not to mention riding back on the bike. i am pretty happy with the clothes i got from old navy, oh and when i was shopping i think that the size 10 pants i was trying on were too big. now i dont know if that is just from keith asking me if i buy my pants too big on purpose or what. so that would mean i am now like a 9. so i would be down to single digits. that's a very exciting thing. especially since kyle's little sister was a nine and she was tiny. i know my ass is bigger than her's and she had a flat stomach, but then again she was only 16. i was still a size five at 16. but i am just saying that i couldnt imagine being as tiny as her and if we have the same size pants i would feel pretty good. so anyway, i have to get dressed and do a few things, like grocery shopping and getting a new toothbrush. and then trying to distract myself from watching any more of the soprano's w/o keith. he is so cute. already i cant wait to see him and he's only been gone for 4 hours. this week is going to be rough. i am debating on whether or not to go home this weekend. i am leaning toward doing it. because i have never been around for one of elizabeth's birthdays. 2 things are holding me back. one is i want keith to come with me cuz i definetly dont want to go 2 weeks w/o seeing him. and 2 i want to loose more weight before i go down. although i say that everytime. i want to be in the best shape ever, everytime i go down. part of that is because i want kyle to choke on his stupidity when he sees me (even though i know that i shouldnt put so much emphasis on how i look, it's like i know he shouldnt regret breaking up with me just cuz i look good, but lets face it he is a shallow ass and i dont plan on chatting with him so he wont know how happy i am so getting in awesome shape is really the only way to rub it in his face) but but also because i know alot of people were either disappointed that i gained weight or snickered about it. but even if i never went back i would still try to finish losing this weight and getting in shape. i mean it's something that i want for myself. and i think part of me wanting to lose weight is cuz i think my mom would have been disappointed if i had gained weight. is that weird? well i mean i used to do alot of stuff to make her proud and i think part of the reason i was so unhappy being overweight is because she would have been disappointed. the other part is that i was a cow and couldnt do any of the stuff i loved. ya know though it would probably be better if when i ran into kyle the first time if keith wasnt there, cuz 1 i dont know how i am going to react and i have a feeling that i am going to be very pissed. like a little jealous especially if his new girlfriend is there, and unleashing all the anger that i had penned up for so long. ya know it's like i dont think it's going to be pretty. and 2 it would be akward for keith to be there. for him. i mean since it's the first time and all. but then again maybe i will never ever see him again. i wouldnt have a problem with that. it is kinda sad though cuz ya know how when you are with someone you have known forever you can sit there for hours and go remember that. or what a good time we had that night or whatever. well sometimes i feel like doing that with him. oh well at least i dont want to punch something everytime i think of him now. that's always a good thing. so anyway. i cant wait to see keith again. maybe if i go home he will come down sometime this week if he isnt busy and then sometime early next week. i dont know. we will see. this is going to be a very long week i am thinking. i guess i will go home cuz now that i am thinking about seeing elizabeth and cheryl and my grandma and i can see my dr and i am getting a bit homesick. that reminds me i need some presents for elizabeth. oh marisa's birthday is tomorrow. ok well seriously time's a wasting i have to get shit done this week. i am thinking about keith every 2 seconds, i can't believe how much i miss him already. although it really should be no surprise. after all he has dropped me off before. he is just so cute. anyway just got off the phone with marisa and now i really have to get some groceries