keith wrote me an email and when i read it this morning and i guess i took it the wrong way. and i got really upset cuz i thought that it was saying that he didnt want to be my boyfriend or whatever and i guess it was but i thought it meant that he didnt like me as much as i like him. that really upset me cuz i thought i was being stupid feeling the way i did and thinking that ya know that i loved him and that we could have something really special and that i was being stupid because the other day i was thinking of ways i could make him feel special and that i think he is special and appreciated and someone that i want in my life and i just felt like a stupid chic. ya know the ones guys always make fun of cuz they want something serious and the guy doesnt and they try pressuring them into it and all that i felt so dumb. and that i was just so way off. and it's like how the hell am i even going to make it through life and all that and future relationships if i keep reading guys sooo wrong. well after talking to him and rereading the email just now i realized it wasnt saying that. and i would explain what he was saying but it is so complicatd that i just cant type all that right now. but anyway. also i mean when i thought that that was how it was i was pissy all day. not on purpose but because i was feeling so stupid and like i just didnt want him to touch me or talk to me or anything cuz it's like it all kinda hurt and just made me feel stupid. i just wanted to go home and crawl under the covers. i feel better now but i dont know how much. i mean i do feel better and i understand where he is coming from but well maybe it is just left over from feeling like that for most of the day. but it's like i wasnt expecting this stuff. ya know. i was in the mind set that i wasnt going to fall in love or find the man of my dreams (who knows if he is either one but the fact that he makes my heart jump is a pretty strong arguement, especially considering i would never have thought in a million yrs that that would actually happen) this young. ya know all these women who are in their 30's or 40's or even 50's and havent found that yet. well i thought i would be like that. i mean i just wanted to have fun and not worry about a relationship or any of that. and i thought that i would be single and all that but he makes me want to treat him like he is the one and only man on earth and that as corny as it sounds a king or whatever. and i never even wanted to do that for my ex. i mean i thought about it but it was more of wanting to do that for someone and since he was the only one that i had been with and planned on being with it made sense that it was him but i never did stuff like that. i was lazy cuz i felt that he wouldnt do the same for me. so any way enough about this i gotta go