So I was up at 430 this morning and like any other time that I am up when I am supposed to be sleeping I did a little thinking. I thought about why I was waiting around for Keith. I made myself face some facts.

1. I am waiting because I think that if I wait long enough he will realize that I love him (HA)
2. maybe he will realize he loves me (double HA)
3. (oh damn my side hurts from laughing so hard at number 2) He will change back to how he was when we were first dating (HAHAHA ohmigod I didn't realize how funny I am at 430 in the morning)

Then I realized why I am not going to wait any more:

1. He is not going to change his mind and be w/ me. He's done w/ our relationship because it's not fun any more and he thinks that I am the only one to blame for it not being fun. He doesn't realize that his actions have had a major impact on the whole relationship. Where as I have realized that I have changed since we started going out and like I said in a previous post I don't like who I am right now. I want to be who I was and I will do it w/ or w/o Keith there. I realized w/ this reason that Kyle and Keith are not entirely unalike here, they both wanted out when it's no fun for them any more, and don't care that it isn't fun for the other person
2. I deserve someone who is going to want my love and return my love. I have a big heart and I want the relationship that I had w/ Keith in the beginning but this time I want the person I am w/ to treat me as good as I treat them. I offered my whole heart to him and ok so it wasn't perfect and we fought in the beginning but I was willing to work at it because I did feel very strong emotions for Keith and I deserve someone who is willing to work at it too. ( I realized this after Kyle but I fooled myself into thinking that Keith would be willing to work a little bit at it even though he told me that once it wasn't fun any more it would be over, although I thought he would at least try to keep it fun too and not rely on me to be the only one keeping it fun, especially since it was so important for him)
3. I want someone who can be affectionate w/ me.
4. I don't want someone who is just going to ignore me and lead me on and not tell me he doesn't want to be w/ me because he doesn't have the balls to tell me, or he is just too self-centered and uncaring to.
5. I want someone who values people who care about them and doesn't just throw them away.
6. I want someone who isn't afraid
7. I want someone who actually is honest, instead of just saying they are honest
8. I want someone who isn't all words and puts some action behind the words.
9. I want someone who is loyal and doesn't just care about me because I am fun, or at least isn't going to leave me when I am not fun.
10. who will be there for me too
11. who doesn't say fuck when he here's my voice on the other end of the phone
12. who calls when they say they will call (I know I am just wishful thinking here. lol)

So anyway that's my partial list right there. I am sure I could think of some more things later on. lol.

I was at work early and then I stayed an hour late, so yea for overtime. I am still at work but I don't have to leave here for my class til 630. I thought about staying downstairs and just working but I am too tired and grouchy to deal w/ customers and I felt like finishing this blog. So anyway. I met the new girl, she is awesome, she lives next to me too! Yea! and she used to play soccer so we are going to play sometime and maybe work out.

I don't want to go to class but oh well. It's ok though.