trying to set a record

how about another post for the day, since ya'll can't be sick of me after only what 4 or 5 already....

ya know i am so tired of asking him to spend time w/ me. he says he was planning on coming down well then why was the first thing he said are you still mad at me? why is it that i have to be the one to just get over shit w/ out him saying sorry or w/o him even knowing and understanding why i am mad, and why is it now he can't answer the damn phone? why couldnt he come to see me w/o calling first and surprising me? or just saying hey i missed you. it's like he wanted to start a fucking fight just so he wouldnt have to come down. why cant he ever say he wants to come see me? why can't it be like the way it was before we started going out? i just want to be w/ him, I JUST WANT TO KNOW HE WANTS TO BE W/ ME, and more than just temporarily until a better offer comes along, i mean, i said i dont know when he asked why i wanted to be with him, and then an hour and a half later he asked if i made a decision yet, hello it's been 2 months and i am still waiting ( i know i am a broken record) why couldnt he have just shown up, it would have made everything better. at least for now. but it would be a start. and not to mention i asked why he wanted to be w/ me and he said he didnt know and i am still waiting an answer for that. and he says he is sorry but it's always so sarcastic and it's like why cant you say your sorry like you mean it, like you dont want to hurt me. going to bed, trying to sleep