i just dont understand

i dont know, i guess he really does want to break up, we wont see eachother for another week if we dont and then he will have the kids, and who knows i am sure something will happen before the next weekend to ruin that one too. i am really sad right now, i mean he made plans for the whole weekend and didnt even think how i would feel about that. or if we would stop fighting, if i would have done that yesterday (cuz marisa wanted me to stay the night) he would have been pretty pissed if we stopped fighting and then we didnt get to see eachother because i made plans. although i guess we havent really stopped fighting, or at least we are not fighting but we are not back together, and he left me hanging about it all weekend. that makes me mad, i am actually extremely hurt and angry about that, and that he didnt care whether he saw me all weekend. i dont know, i would be really hurt and upset if we broke up but it's like i dont see how this is going to get better, i dont know what to do to make this right, i mean i cant make him show me that he cares about me. it just sucks because i do care about him so much, i am sure i will get over it and move on and all that but it does just suck, i mean because he is everything i want in a guy, personality and looks wise but in a relationship i guess we just arent good together, and it's like i am willing to do what needs to be done but he cant, i am so sick of thinking about it, it's just really hurtful that he didnt care to see me this weekend and that he doesnt want to make me feel like he wants me around and that he so easily replaces me. i mean i know fighting and stuff doesnt make it easy so i know he is having problems with it. but dammit we didnt fight for 2 fucking weeks. and i know that's not a long time but what is it with guys ditching out when it actually starts to get better, they put up with all the bullshit and when things finally start looking better that's when they cant take it any more? what is with that, is that because they think if shit starts to get better they might have to propose? and seriously why cant guys get it through their damn head that not every girl wants to be married at 18, i dont want to marry keith if he keeps making me feel invisible, that would be the dumbest thing i could do, i dont want to marry anyone at 21 i dont want to have kids, i dont want to move, (at least out of the city) i dont want all of that yet, yes in the future, the FUTURE not now not tomorrow in 9 yrs! i dont know, it's like we were on a good track and ya know of course there are going to be setbacks. ok i mean it's not like we are never going to fight again, i tried walking away and cooling off and i did but then he started in again, and i just couldnt walk away a second time. it just pisses me off that after one set back he wants to leave, then what was all this up til now? what good was any of it? why did we waste our time? UUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH i just dont understand!