seriously i was going to call him and i actually did but i guess they had the phone unplugged or something cuz of the game. well anyway so i was talking to keith and he got me straightened me out but then i went to bed and couldnt sleep and then i emailed him. i just wrote hey. thats it but still i dont want to talk to him i dont want to see him i dont want him to know i am thinking of him. i just want to forget he ever existed. he is a waste of my time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate him. i am too soft hearted. he doesnt deserve jack shit from me. but i do want my picture back. i just hate him and people like him. although i do want a true love. i want to have that magical, love will conquer all, nothing can destroy it, without it you cant breathe kinda love. i dont know maybe i just want to feel loved. i dont. i dont know what being loved feels like. i dont know one person that loves me. actually loves me. not what they think i am. not for selfish reasons. not for anything other than me. not for what they want me to be. it's sad to love so many people but not feel that love returned. maybe it's because i dont share it enough. i dont share my feelings, i dont let people know so they dont share with me. i dont know. i read somewhere that when you dream of a loved one that's dead then you finally except that they are dead. but i dont think that is the case. i dream about my mom but in my dreams she is always alive she is always back. she was dead and then she came back. i am still waiting for her to come back.