I never knew that I could me people as awesome as I have met since I have moved to Chicago. It makes me so grateful that I moved. To find the type of people that I have found that are now in my life amazes me. Ross was there for me when no one else was and is just an awesome (and perverterd :-) ) person who I neglect way to much. Then there's Jamie, who even though acted like a loser and dumped me w/ a letter, blows me away by how unselfish and caring he is. Lori cracks my ass up beyond words, Ralph has the most unique way of talking about things and looking at the world and just being. And * and George who I neglect more than anyone. And Keith who's the best dad I could imagine. And CL, well, lol. I don't know exactly yet, but I know that for the first time there's someone that I don't want to get to know through email or other means and that I actually want to spend time getting to know him in person. Even though I semi-tease him about wanting his hot body, lol, there's just something there that I want to get to know and I feel like I need to be w/ him in person to find that out, and at least right now I could careless if I ever have sex w/ him as long as I get to know him. Anyway I am rambling. My point is that I'm not alone any more. Even if everyone of these people walk away tomorrow and I am crushed, I know that there's going to be someone just as inspiring around the corner. Not that because of that I take them for granted, I mean that I feel so lucky and thankful that there are so many inspiring people and that I finally found some and I feel so blessed that I get to be in their lives and they get to be in mine. I want to make a family. A family of all the people that I care about and want to protect and take care of and that inspire me and make me feel like not being a hermit can be worth it. Ralph and I talked quite a bit tonight and the stuff he told me made me want to cry. Sometimes I think it's weird that the majority of my friends are guys. I feel a little like Dorothy. Anyway I am exhausted and probably dellusional and I will be back to my depressed and self-pitying ways tomorrow when I wake up. The funny thing is that I started this post feeling depressed and then I thought about how amazing the people in my life are and how lucky I am to have haphazardly stumbled across them all in the weirdest possible ways. No one has ever called me conventional