well last night i got into a very lonesome mood. and i stayed up talking to keith and to this other guy i talk to once in awhile but dont know who he is, he said he sent me a pic but i dont remember, so anyway, then when i laid down to go to sleep i started crying cuz i missed my mom and then i started thinking about the day after she died and how that was the first time i cried since after i found out and cried, so that made me sad and it made me miss kyle cuz it was with him and he was the only one i ever really opened up to about that stuff if you can even call that opening up cuz i could probably count the times i "opened up" to him on one hand. but anyway. so then i had 2 crappy nightmares, and woke up and i am still in a pissy mood, but there's a chance for improvement. i am sitting here eating my chili. and i am going to work on my art assignment later and i am thinking about spending the day at the beach, by myself, i know weird considering yesterday i was so lonely, and i am still feeling lonely today, but at least if i am at the beach then it's by choice and i am not sitting in my apartment.